I remember driving home from work one day absolutely dreading having to enter such an awful atmosphere.  I began picturing myself walking through the door and being forced to face the mayhem that lay just inside. In my mind’s eye I could see; three teenage boys on the floor playing video games, dishes piled up in the sink, homework not finished, disparaging comments flying about and my ultimate fear…their lack of respect for my authority. How did I become the enemy?!

Fortunately, this was 10 years ago and my victim mentality no longer exists. Wait…did I say victim mentality? How could that possibly be a victim mentality!?

I was brought up in a home where parenting responsibilities were passed from parent to parent. No one wanted to be accountable for making a change, creating resolutions, creating choices for the children because it was too hard, took to much valuable time. The worst justification of all is something I remember saying myself many times over;  “The children would just put up a fight about it and I don’t feel like dealing with it!”

I don’t resent my parents for it, now, but there were many years when I did. I know they did the best they could with what they were given, just like your parents did and just like you’re doing now.

You are not the enemy, but you are the responsible party and until you accept this you will find yourself in the same position I was in 10 years ago, dreading coming home to my kids.

I say this with all the love in my heart but let me be perfectly clear. You are responsible for following through on what happens in your home and in your every day life. You cannot change what is happening externally until you decide to change what is happening internally. I’m not suggesting counseling but I am suggesting accountability.

My environment growing up was emotionally abusive but I didn’t know it. Why? What kid questions how they are being raised when it seems ‘normal’ to them? Why would they question it? This is why so many kids are abused but keep it quiet. Its normal, not out of the ordinary and certainly not irresponsible from the perspective of the child.

Here are a few priorities for you to consider in becoming more responsible:

1. Acknowledge if you were in any way abused. To see this you will have to recognize where there are corosive beliefs in your value system. Spend some quiet reflection time on this.

2. Choose what core values you want to have as a leader in your home. You won’t know what these are until you’ve spent time evaluating what you do want instead of what you don’t want. Look past your reality! Open your mind up to the possibilty of a peaceful home. Spend time observing families who raise kids without rebellion, watch educational films about parenting with love, read books and listen to audios from coaches who knows how to help you emotionally connect to your kids.

3. Ask for wisdom. The creator of the universe will open up a wealth of wisdom to you if you seek it with all your heart.

4. Let go. When you are able to see, hear, and feel what you want for your family life, you’ll begin to move into making better choices.  Prior to that it is imperative that you let go of trying to control their thoughts or behaviors.  When you can let go you’ll see another jewel of wisdom.

5. Trust and believe that you can rise above enemy lines without ever concerning yourself with them again. Sound simple? It is and it is not. Patience equals trust. Without patience you are not trusting in the belief that it CAN work.

This article is not going to change your life, but you taking action on what you read in this article could.  Parental Leaders often have to un-learn corrosive behaviors before they can emerge from the grasp of victimhood into transparency.

Choose what you want to have in your life today! Write it down, post it on your wall and go after it. Live it out and watch your family follow their new leader; leaving behind forever – their old enemy.