When my sons were very young my husband would set out for his tour of duty on the open seas, which left my two sons and I alone to fend for ourselves.

These photos were all taken when they entered boot camp at the age of 18.  Husband Center:  Retired Navy

Sons Left & Right:  Marine and Air Force (one is still deployed)

I understood of course that my husband was serving his country and this was his duty, but what an emotional predicament that decision would often leave our family in.

Allow me to help you understand how it can be a time of positive growth and change rather than emotional predicaments.

I experienced 16 years of military parenting, I coach parents for a living and am the United States Founder for the Leadership Cafe Foundation. I mention this only because I want to share my thoughts with you not only as an onlooker, but also as someone who thoroughly understands the transition factor between deployments.

If you will heed these words that come from my heart you will find your transition time much easier for both you and your children. If you do not, you will stay locked in a frustrated role of parenting rather than a role of leadership.

You are the leader your children will look up to, particularly when your spouse deploys. Get this in your mind now, say the word “leader” out loud, listen to audios, read books, and learn how to be the best parent and leader you can possibly be; the kind of leader you would want your kids, and all the neighborhood kids, to follow.

Here are 5 Tips That Will Help During The Transition Time

1. Avoid Depression and Anxiety – Understand that your mind has everything to do with your feelings. When you allow your mind to focus on the negativity of your spouse leaving, your body feels it, your kids feel it, even your neighbors feel it. Have you ever noticed how a person in a ‘bad mood’ can change the atmosphere? This is an unhealthy choice. Looking for sympathy will not help you with this important time of transition. It will only serve one purpose, to keep you feeling sorry for yourself and searching for others to feel sorry for you as well.

2. Get Creative – Your kids need to be able to talk to you but if you’re too sad, they won’t want to burden you with their problems. You don’t need to stay sad. Focus your mind and attention on things that make you feel good such as; exercising, playing table games, taking a 10 minute nap, visiting with friends or relatives, crossword puzzles, taking a bath, etc. Develop a routine of adapting at least three creative outlets throughout your day.

3. Establish Ground Rules for Communication With Your Children – You are your kids sounding board but not their door mat. Feelings of being unworthy will cause the doormat feeling. To establish open communication you must become a transparent parent. Your kids need you and will want to talk to you, but if they don’t know how you feel they will draw their own conclusion and shy away from talking about how they are feeling as well. They learn by your example. Focus on positive communication at all times.

For younger children: put up magnetic faces that are happy, sad, angry, etc, and a calendar on your refrigerator so they are able to place a magnet on each day, or each moment, as their feelings change. When you know how they are feeling you can address it openly. Avoid asking them what’s wrong. They will likely say “Nothing” no matter how old they are. Ask instead, “What’s troubling your heart today?” so they have to dig into the issue.

4. Find Support - Do you have friends that have kids of similar ages as yours? Do you go to a church or an Activities Center such as the YMCA? A good leader knows it’s important to create space for their children to grow. Find excellent mentors and facilitators. Seek out the Chamber of Commerce in your area to find out what events are happening in town each month.

5. Believe in the Possibilities – It is possible for you to have a wonderful time with your children whether your spouse is gone or at home, but it comes down to your own personal belief system. Will you create space in your family’s life to belief anything is possible?

You can have wonderful transition times if you will only believe that anything is possible.

If you would like to understand how we, as parents, can be leaders our kids will look up to then please take a moment to receive my free E-book about removing limiting beliefs and move toward success.  In doing so, you will also receive my gift to you of a free 30-minute coaching session to get you started on the right track.  Look to the right of this post and you will see a form for your first name and email address.  It’s that simple!