Are Emotional Connections Just For Sissy’s? I Don’t Think So!
What if someone said to you, “As a leader in your field it is evident that you are not at all connected to your employees, students or clients?”
Would you feel hurt? Would you wonder what they are talking about? Would it even matter to you?
“Talk to me from your heart and I will engage in conversation with you as a caring individual.
Talk to me from your head and I may walk away completely unimpressed.”
Whether you’re a speaker, an author, or a parent, you will want to be able to connect to people emotionally. If you are locked up emotionally you won’t be able to connect to your own heart, therefore, conversations may be more focused on logic, making your point, thinking about a transaction or perhaps an expectation.
Here is an example: A client was speaking to his associate over his cell while he was in my office. I could tell there was a great disconnect between his head and heart as he didn’t want to listen to what the person was saying. His tone was sharp, his volume was higher than normal and he completely ignored the other person trying to speak just so he could get his point across.
This type of conversation happens all day long; in every family, in every corporation and even in every relationship at one point or another. It is transactional, filled with expectation, demand and hurt. This is why people walk around with damaged hearts. This is also how we teach our children. Hurting people hurt other people and we pass it around from generation to generation like a toxic cupid dart waiting to pierce the next heart.
You tend to shut off your feelings in an unconscious way when hurt. To prevent your heart from being hurt again, you close up to anyone who may hit a trigger point or reminder you of that same hurt. In rushes the fear of being a doormat again, and the un-forgiving heart keeps the door closed to any opportunity that might lead to a real conversation from the heart. How do you get past this? You must first decide to do so.
You cannot force an intellectually locked person to be more heart centered, any more than you can force an emotionally locked person to be more logical. The best thing to do is focus on your own desire to be more loving and compassionate while using logic and become the example for everyone around you. How do you become more connected? It takes reconditioning.
If you say, “I am doing the dishes.” You do the dishes. If you say, “I know I need to do the dishes.” your mind will find other things to do to procrastinate in doing the dishes. Your heart will eventually obey your intention. Here are a few tips to set an intention in your mind.
- Develop a desire to overcome the fear of being rejected. Humans eventually disappoint or reject but it doesn’t mean you are not loved. Intention: I am loved and I love others.
- Choose to have a willing heart. This takes courage but it’s what brings you back to your desires. Intention: I have a willing heart.
- Choose to be open at all times. Have you ever noticed that there aren’t many secrets in life that are hidden forever? Learn to be transparent. Intention: I am open at all times.
- Choose to be honest about how you feel, even if it hurts. Intention: I am honest about all things at all times.
These are just a few pre-conditioned beliefs I’ve mentioned. There is an entire slew of them you haven’t even thought of that need to be reset. It is entirely too easy to make a decision to stay disconnected from your life, but this choice will only prevent you from feeling loved and from being loving.
After working with thousands of individuals over the years, I’ve decided to write a report on several key secrets I’ve discovered to being and staying emotionally connected, so that anyone can better their relationships at work or at play. I would like to know how many people are unafraid to be both head and heart connected in business and in personal relationships. So Tweet it – Facebook it – Comment on it – Lets get connected to ourselves so we can better connect to those we care about.
one can do what he loves…. or he can love what he is doing. this sound much the same but it is different.
the first is good but have you ever heard someone speak who passionately loved what they were presenting… it is compelling and has amazing energy. this is the zone.
once again another article that stirred my heart and mind…. bravo kellie
Great post, Kellie! I have always been a very heart-centered person, but an interesting story ~ about 10 years ago I was sitting down with a VERY successful guy to talk business (I was pretty young, nervous and intimidated) and I think I was talking a mile a minute! I knew he was a great man, and I also knew he respected me, but I was just so caught in my head that I could barely hold it together. Then something very interesting happened ….. he asked if he could stop me a minute. He asked me to take a deep breathe, put my hand on my heart, and tell me about what my business has done for me. it was like a light bulb went on! Not only did the tone of the conversation dramatically shift, but I felt calm, powerful and connected with him. I’d always heard “facts tell and stories sell”, and in this moment I REALLY got that. I look forward to your key secrets report!
Bobbi and Beth, are either of you familiar with the ‘chill factor’? It happens when you hear something wonderful like great music or words that touch your soul. That’s what your stories and wonderful videos do for me. Thank you for sharing that wonderful story Beth, if you don’t mind I’d like to talk to you about joint venturing at some point. Thank you both for commenting and have a wonderful day!
Hi Kellie,
Being happy is another choice we all have. I feel badly for people in poor situations, but I will consciously avoid those who are negative about themselves or their lives. You truly can choose to be happy each day, no matter what your circumstances.
Thanks for sharing your knowlege
Kellie – wow – great post. It’s a real life philosophy you’ve got down there. I often wonder if I’ve been coming at relationships – ALL relationships – the wrong way. You know how they say that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results? I don’t think many of us really examine the intricacies of our intentions when it comes to our behavior. I will certainly be taking a closer look at mine.
Wow Kellie, what an incredibly beautiful post. A fantastic reminder to serve others with our heart-wide-open. I love your intention statements those are powerful affirmations that re-frame our thinking into a force we can mobilize. This is one of the best posts I’ve read in a while for driving that concept home. Thank you so much for sharing!
Awesome post Kellie. This is such a great approach to maintaining our mindset of success. I really like your concepts of thinking our intentions. “I am…” and “I will…” verses “I need to..” or “I should be…”
Keeping our hearts and our heads in alignment is essential for our relationships and ability to influence.
Great words here. Thanks for these reminders.
Hi Kellie,
I just love your words of intention, it really spoke to me.
a very valuable post
thank you so much for sharing this.