Parental Anger is Often Created By Generations of Anger
It is said that generation after generation the sins of the fathers are passed down. This is true for every generation, every race and every gender unless you make a choice to stop it.
For years I felt frustration rise from somewhere very deep. I would go outside my house, when I knew everyone inside was preoccupied, and let out a scream that would echo through the valley. Why? It was my way of releasing the pent up anger. Where did it come from? What was the root cause? I had no idea, I only knew how great it would feel to scream with no one else around, and I remember doing it from the time I was quite young.
My pare
nt’s were angry, their parents were angry and their parents before them were angry. It’s what I learned, how I was taught to engage in life, to deal with stress, to fuss when people weren’t listening to what I had to say.
I thought about anger management classes now and then, but I would compare myself to my husband and I eventually say, “Well I’m not nearly as bad tempered as he is.” and choose not to get help for myself.
The interesting thing about anger management is that you are taught to ‘manage’ the anger going on inside, when in reality, the anger is still managing you for as long as you hold on to it. You can’t run from it, or hide from it, or let someone else borrow it for a while. The way I see it is that you can only face it, pass it on to your children, or release it forever. I had no idea how to release it back then, I only knew I wanted to.
One day when I went out side for yet another scream session and I heard birds singing, cars passing by, dogs barking and life seemed to be normal. In that moment I realized my anger didn’t affect anything outside that wasn’t human and that thought made me think deeper.
“If I did this in my house my family would be greatly affected. The entire atmosphere would change, everyone would walk on egg shells wondering if I was going to implode, and they would even mirror back with some of their own anger.”
Then I asked myself, “Where is this anger directed? Who am I angry at?” I took a moment to think, and to respond. It was upward, directed toward God for allowing my pain, toward myself for not being strong enough to handle it, toward my husband who had an intolerable temperament, toward my father-in-law who also had a bad temper. It was toward my Dad who lived in a state of anger his entire life, toward my mom who decided to remain in her angry bitter state toward my Dad, so on and so on.
Something bigger had begun to formulate in my mind. It was an image of my young son’s playing sweetly and who then got angry when something didn’t go right… and it suddenly hit me. This is a generational issue!
“What a terrible way to live!” I shouted. From that moment I knew something had to change. I couldn’t influence anyone else unless I could be certain I could muster the courage to eliminate the problem for myself.
It took several months to figure out what I didn’t want those many years ago, and it took just as long to figure out what I did want and go after it. Freedom from generational anger.
Generational issues, or sins, affects everyone. We all have parents, and grandparents, who had something to deal with at one time or another. Drinking, living in fear, screaming, cursing, being hypocritical, holding on to bitterness or rebellion, pornographic issues, worrying, anxiety, you name it – your parents likely dealt with it – their parents before them – and now you.
If you realize you are teaching your children generational issues it’s time to stop before they have their own children. You can choose to eliminate anger (or whatever it is you deal with) so your life can be much richer, and relationships can be much more fulfilling. There is a way and understanding that your choices, or intentions, can set you on a course toward freedom is key, at least it was for me and the thousands I’ve shared with in my programs and speaking engagements.
It’s time to STOP generational issues from spreading, but it all starts with you.
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What an incredibly powerful post. Wow that hits home. So many of our life patterns, be they eating, coping, failing to cope, addiction or abuse all stem from generational roots. Yes, sometimes we ARE to blame for our children’s issues… and we got those patterns from our own parents.
This will probably be a bit much for some, but like you, I understand that this stuff needs said. I come from AT LEAST third generation child & spousal abuse in our family. I come from a family that as far back as anyone remembers was badly co-dependent and enabling of abuse. Is it any wonder I struggle with these issues? Is it any wonder is what I was raised feeling was natural because it was all anyone knew? Nope.
However, once I’ve got a grasp on the problem, the problem stops became anyones problem but mine. It becomes MY obligation to get myself the assistance I needed. It became my obligation to track my own behaviors and hold myself accountable to not repeat the behaviors. It became my obligation to note pass the buck any longer. The buck – of bad behavioral patterns – stops here.
Dig deep in life, evaluate why it REALLY is that you do the things you do. Figure out where you learned those behaviors and then make a plan to UN-learn them. Please, please, if you cant do it for yourself yet, do it for everyone you impact… your children, your spouse, and those you love. One day, when you’ve traveled far enough down the healing road, you’ll see that it was for you too.
Blessings and Love Dear Hearts…
Hi Kellie,
this is a powerful post, and brings back memories lots of memories for me,
I too come from a background of abuse including verbal.
these are great words thanks for sharing them.
This is a very interesting view on the topic. It makes sense and when I think about it, I can point out some real life examples in my family of this truth…
Thank you so much for sharing. I can really relate to your viewpoint here!
Kellie,
Thanks for sharing your experience from your heart. I think this is something we all can relate to. I know for me I have seen it and experienced these generational issues in my life. I have walked in the foot steps of my father and his father.
It’s up to the individual to put an end to this cycle. In my case I made a conscious effort to put an end to the cycle for me. was it easy? No. was it worth it? Absolutely!
Thanks for being genuine.
Hi Kellie, I think this is a beautiful & honest post and appreciate you sharing it. I am a practitioner of breathwork and have had this powerful outlet to connect with emotions and go through them to the other side. It definitely takes a strong individual to break habits and patterns, especially ones that are so ingrained in our ancestry. Thank you for sharing your heart…I am sure we can all relate
Thank you Everyone. There is truth when we ask ourselves questions and take a few moments to listen to the reply. Getting to the heart is what matters in life.
Hi Kellie
An excellent post that many will be able to relate to on some level.
It hits close to home for me, actually, although I certainly won’t go into that here.
~ Kylie ~
Kellie,
This is an amazing and thought provoking post. I love how you recognized and actively sought an answer to the root cause of anger. While anger management strategies can help, it doesn’t always cure anger “issues”. Discovering the root cause, however, and dealing with it on the deeper spiritual level is the answer. Thanks for sharing this insightful information with the community.
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Thanks for your insight Kellie, I can relate to this from the parent’s and the child’s perspective. It’s a good idea for us to take responsibility for our actions and to forgive our parents for any anger that was instilled in us because there’s nothing else we can do about the past. All we can do is deal with it on a personal level and try to replace anger with love and kindness.
Hi Brad, you are so right about taking responsibility for our actions. I tried for years to do that without forgiveness and it was hard. Once forgiveness took place it seemed pretty easy. Welcome to Connecting!