I believe that a child’s confidence in any leadership roles come from self confidence and approach of those who have valued them. They learn by observing, by what they practice and by explanation. This is what builds interpersonal relationships.
Whether or not you have children makes no difference to the learning in this post. I am hopeful that you can still draw from the knowledge here in.
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Anthropologist Margaret Mead traveled the world to research why children in her country seemed so unhappy. What she discovered is that it takes an entire village to raise a child. She visited several countries and lived among them for up to 3 months at a time. She found one very important distinction between villages. In the villages where the children were with their parents more, whether in work or play, the kids were happy and well adjusted from her perspective.
The family tribe got up early in the morning and ate breakfast together, they did chores together before school and work, and went their separate ways until after noon. The parents worked with the children on their studies and afterward took the kids to work in the fields with them.
In the evening time they would walk to the village and sing and dance around a bonfire with all the other villagers. Adults and Kids laughed and danced together. How cool is that?!
In my own family tribe, of nearly 300 Gratton’s, we gather every 5th year at a camp ground to celebrate our tribe from the oldest to the youngest. We all bring our instruments, build the larget bon fire you can imagine and sing, dance, laugh and eat until the wee hours of the morning. Most try and stay at camp for the entire week because we are so close.
I wish this time of valuing one another were more often but I am grateful for the time we do have. I’d love to attach my family portrait here for you to be as impressed as I am to see such a tribe, but trust me, there isn’t enough room nor time for me to ask permission of all 300 members to publish it so you’ll just have to take my word for it, we’re a site to see in one photo.
The point I am making is that as long as the tribe stayed together the families were connected and filled with joy. The parents valued the kids enough to give them their time and their energy. That is how we build great tribes of young leaders, by valuing them and giving them our time.
Is this how you build your family? Is this how you build your business? Is this how you impact your life or the life of others?
So what is the definition of tribe according to Wikipedia? “Many anthropologists use the term ‘tribe’ to refer to societies organized largely on the basis of kinship.” There is more but for the purpose of this post that’s all I need.
The questions we ask are just as important as is our listening to how others respond. For instance, have you ever asked your kids questions like:
- What do you think of the neighborhood we live in?
- Do you like living here in our home?
- Do your friends like living here?
- What are some things about living here that you like?
- What are some things you don’t like?
- Where do you like to go to have fun?
If you could change one thing about your life here at home what would you change?
If you take the time to really listen to their answers they will tell you things you never knew they were even thinking.
For employees in your work just switch it up!
- What do you think of the company we work in?
- Do you like working here?
- Do your co-workers like working here?
- What are some things about working here that you like?
- What are some things you don’t like?
- Where do you like to go to have fun after hours?
- If you could change one thing about the company what would you change?
If you take the time to really listen to their answers they will tell you things you never knew they were even thinking. These types of questions can build the village or tribe mentality within your own home or your own company. There is a great way to connect to the heart of others and that is by asking questions that go beyond the, “is something wrong” or “are you okay?” type of questions. These type of questions will produce a no response at best.
A tribe in any village means safety, a place where no matter what happens they know you will still treat them as valuable even when you feel differently than they do about any given topic.
Maybe your kids would have suggestions on effective ways to bring about positive change within your home, or your employees would change the way you do business, but if you don’t value them by listening, you’ll never know.
I will leave you with a quote from my very first mentor: “Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world; indeed, it’s the only thing that ever has.” ~ Margaret Mead
It’s with this in mind that my new partner Pat Shanks and I are working to bring you a new website to help train anyone who wants to join a tribe for exponential growth, or build their own tribe to create growth for others. We’ll let you know when it’s launched.
As always, if you enjoyed this post please comment and share. I’d love to hear your thoughts on tribes.
| Connecting to community can be profound, particularly when it is your community of followers who want a transformation in their lives and hope that you can help provide it. Our BFF calls can help! See above right for details. |
I love this post Kellie! Involving kids is SO important!
Keep up the great work and have a DYNAMITE Night!
.-= Wes Wyatt´s last blog ..Got Customer Service? =-.
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Kellie Reply:
April 8th, 2010 at 6:38 am
I know you’re building your own family tribe Wes so as the leader it’s important to “feel blessed” every day and to keep the thought of ‘burden’ far far away. It’s a choice for us parents, just like anything else. Enjoy them while they are young.
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Thank you so much for this one Kellie! This is such an important post for everyone to take to heart. It truly takes a village and there is no question that our biggest asset as a society is our children.
Best,
~Gabriel
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Wonderful post, Kellie! Glad to hear you’re part of such an awesome tribe. My family tribe was tiny but full of love and togetherness and acceptance and fun like yours. And because of that I never felt small, even at a young age. It gave me all the confidence I needed to be me and not trying to be someone else.
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Kellie Reply:
April 7th, 2010 at 10:30 am
Thank you and welcome Monika, Gabriel and Wes. I love the fact that we can relate to one another through blog posts and get to know others through the power of the internet. My love for being part of a tribe has led to want it for others, kids in particular, because if it doesn’t begin early in life then we have missed an opportunity to help them to grow in ways they would not otherwise. You are all welcome to become part of my tribe any time!
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Love how you wrote this, weaving a picture of your”Tribe.” What an amazing feat to have that many people come together to connect and grow their relationships. Truly keeps the connections flowing from gneration to generation.
Thanks so much for sharing your family with us,
Val
.-= Val Wilcox´s last blog ..Everyone Has A Dream =-.
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Kellie Reply:
April 7th, 2010 at 5:10 pm
It is a pretty special thing to have all those family members in one place, and as you know, we find what we’re looking for so it’s important to stay focused. With a heart filled with gratitude you are not caught off guard by sweating the small stuff.
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Hi Kellie,
I agreed with so much that you had to say. It seems like common sense to me, but I know that to many it is not and needed to be said.
Thanks for taking the time to get the word out. I also appreciated the application you gave and very specific questions that people can ask. Keep up the good work.
.-= Debbie Stevens´s last undefined ..If you register your site for free at =-.
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Kellie Reply:
April 7th, 2010 at 5:17 pm
Hi Debbie, thanks for dropping by. This is not only what I do but it has become who I am thanks to Margaret Mead’s fascinating study. I knew I needed to keep spreading the word about tribes. As a tribe, we can accomplish great things, which is why I will eventually have a site called http://www.tribesuccess.com Thank you for your kind words.
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Kellie, I appreciate this post as so many times, kids are put in another category based on age, behavior or attitude when much of what they need is interaction with the important adults in their lives to grow quickly into respectable and respectful adults.
.-= Kelly Rudolph´s last blog ..PWR Fit 2010 =-.
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Excellent post Kellie.
We’ve often heard it said that it takes a whole tribe to raise a child, now we understand where that comes from.
A thought… if a child (or anyone else for that matter) feels like they are important, loved and a part of a supportive unit, they will be less likely to look elsewhere for that feeling. Unfortunately, quite often where they go to look is a destructive environment rather than one of love and support.
A great way to raise our children and connect with other people in our lives.
Thank you.
~ Pat and Lorna
http://TheCoolestCouple.com
.-= Pat and Lorna Shanks´s last blog ..Learning, Growing, Responsibilities and Increasing Your Circle of Influence =-.
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Kellie, Thank you for a thought-provoking article. As a parent, sometimes I may not ask the right questions and show genuine interest – because I fear I may not want to hear the answer! I worked for many years inside of organizations, developing leadership skills at all levels of the organization. I worked with many senior leaders who could have had a powerful, positive impact on their organization, on the business bottom line, and on the motivation and engagement of their employees, but they were stopped by one thing – Refusal to ask the questions, for fear of what they would hear.
.-= Louise Holmes´s last blog ..Tools for Face-to-Face Networking =-.
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Kellie Reply:
April 8th, 2010 at 10:12 am
Louise how right you are! My next post is about this very thing so I’d love to use your words and I will quote you if you don’t mind. Fear is our biggest nemesis. Anything we fear will create a wall, not progress, not joy. Remove fear and you find freedom, freedom to live how you want, freedom to be yourself emotionally and freedom to enjoy life. Thank you for bringing up such wonderful points my friend…and for contributing (in advance) to my next post.
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Louise Holmes Reply:
April 8th, 2010 at 3:10 pm
I’ll look forward to reading your post….and please, quote freely!
.-= Louise Holmes´s last blog ..Tools for Face-to-Face Networking =-.
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One of the things I have learned as a parent is that my child is not just a child – but a person. Conversations and feeling connected with him has been so important because it builds his confidence and self esteem. I love being a parent because I have learned so much more from him. My son is the teacher .. Thanks for a great article..
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Kellie Reply:
April 8th, 2010 at 2:41 pm
Right you are Lesly, our kids are the teachers. Thank you for commenting.
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Kellie,
I agree, when we create an atmosphere of openness within our families, and show each member that we truly value their time, their beings, and their opinions, we can positively influence the world around us.
I’m reading The Power of Intention by Dr. Wayne Dyer and just today learned an interesting statistic; “One individual who lives and vibrates to the energy of optimism and a willingness to be nonjudgemental of others will counterbalance the negativity of 90,000 individuals who calibrate at the lower weakening levels.” – Wow!
By raising happy children who are loving and live in the Intention of all that is good, we are equipping them to go out into the world and create this kind of change in the world. As more of us awaken to this kind of consciousness I truly believe we can make a huge difference.
Thanks for the awesome work you’re doing….you are truly a go-giver
.-= Kathy Jodrey´s last blog ..Dr. Wayne Dyer Power of Intention – Kindness Lessons =-.
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Kellie Reply:
April 8th, 2010 at 2:40 pm
Wow is right Kathy. I’m amazed at that quote. My humble thanks for your kind words.
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Thanks Kellie for this post. My children are middle-age adults and living in far away states. As we age and our children move away and have their own children it is a challenge to keep the tribe connected. My husband and I don’t get to see them as often as we would like, but when we get together it’s always a grand and happy occasion. A few years ago, my husband and I build our retirement dream home and as we contemplated how we would use the home, we kept our children and grandchildren in mind. We could have built a small home with maybe one guest room, but we wanted to create a place where they would all love to come and visit and our grandchildren would have an opportunity to make happy memories with their cousins. We decided to include enough bedrooms so all our children could come home at the same time and celebrate together. This has been a great blessing to not only for our children but for the extended family as well because everyone is welcome to come for weekends and my home has become the grand central gathering place for my sibblings, cousins and their children too. Of course we have guest rules posted in the guest bedrooms and have a 3-night limit for anyone other than our children. This is how we keep the family tribe bonds close in a world where many miles separate us.
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Kellie Reply:
April 8th, 2010 at 9:18 pm
Margaret that is FABULOUS! May I use your words in my next book and quote you please? I am planning the exact thing, to build our next home with our children who are also grown in mind. I want the exact same plan you laid out carefully and with the same intentions for space and possibilities of keeping the tribe bonds close. Congrats to you on such a wonderful accomplishment! Please visit this site more often because I can see you have much wisdom to share here. Thank you and Abundant Blessings.
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Tribe or no tribe, just paying such close attention to the needs and desires of someone close to you can bring a sense of safety, the feeling of being valued, appreciated and loved, and the sense of belonging. Even if the tribe is no larger than 2 people, those types of questions are healing.
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Kellie Reply:
April 9th, 2010 at 1:35 pm
Very true Dr. Erica, and since there was a need to add value within the company of another to bring that sense of belonging and comfort, tribes are valuable in that process. Thank you for commenting and adding value to my tribe!
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Thank you Kellie for this thought-provoking post! I am going to ask my children some of those questions tonight at supper time. I love too how you bring the analogy into companies. In this age where people live so far apart sometimes from their family tribe, choosing to build tribes with our workmates and neighbors makes a lot of sense. After all, tribes have always served numerous functions, from work-related to social to emotional.
.-= Jacqueline Green´s last blog ..What Do Your Children Really Need, and Want, Even if They Won’t Admit it? =-.
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Kellie Reply:
April 12th, 2010 at 5:08 pm
Thank you Jacqueline and I agree with you about tribes serving numerous functions. My realization is that tribes have been around since the beginning of time and in every culture, so why not bring that concept into our own world and make it a reality right where we’re at!
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Kellie, I can’t wait to see your new website. Congratulations & thank you.
So Pat Shanks is your (chosen) partner. Is he?…and I flew all the way to Chicago for nothing!!
For me, parenting is more than connecting, leadership, & tribe combined. It’s an awesome responsiblity, unique privilege and a source of pure bliss. Regrettably, I was busy pursuing a career during my daughter’s early years. I missed many precious moments.
Cheers.
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Kellie Reply:
April 19th, 2010 at 11:06 am
Tribes are being built amoung my community of collegues so Pat and I are creating a Tribes website to help train all those wanting to learn more about how to build a tribe or be part of one. You, my friend, did not make your intention clear to me before meeting me in Chicago, but I have to admit it was most refreshing to not talk about business with a business partner for a change. As my partner in LC2020, I want to help you succeed in any way I can, so if Connecting can help you do that as well, then talk to me. I’m always open to master class partnerships!
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Great post Kellie,
What an amazing opportunity you have to experience a real world / off line tribe within your family.
I can imagine in my head the picture of them that you would post. I love those questions that you suggest. I can even consider asking them of myself on a regular basis. Thanks so much for sharing this with us all.
Make it a great day!
God Bless,
-ed
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Great Insight Kellie,
It would be wonderful if family life were more about staying together and sharing. It is so important for children to feel as though they belong within their family, community and network of social contacts. My desire is that even though that is not the reality in so many situations with divorce being over 50% of North American families, that we still value and include our children and the children within our community without any judgement. Children thrive on love and scurity.
.-= Wendy MacKay´s last blog ..My Story =-.
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