Connecting to Your Focus Creates Internal Leadership


Where do you focus your attention? Is it on prosperity, good health, love and abundance or is it on ‘not enough’ – as in not enough time, not enough money, not enough energy, food, health etc?

Do you often worry?  Have anxiety that keeps your knees bouncing while sitting or twirling your hair and biting your fingernails?

I’m going to share a story with you that is very personal to me.

This past month was a bit frightening as we watched our teenage daughter develop a strange and debilitating illness.  Over the years we took her to the doctors because her neck would swell up like a football player for no reason, intense black and blue marks would appear on her body that hurt her, and stomach pain with gagging reflexes at least once a month.

These symptoms were strange to us and each time we were told that it was due to stress so she was given little green pills and sent home to recover.  The odd part for us is that we saw her as a genuinely happy, open and laid back kid, so we didn’t see her as the doctors described.

She was scheduled to go to a training camp in Virginia for one week with the staff of her new summer employment, and she couldn’t wait.  The first morning there she went for an early morning run with the other staff members and sat down upon her return.  She described that moment as feeling such intense pain in her abdomen that she nearly passed out.  When she  tried to eat (this girl loves food) she would gag or vomit.  She said it felt as if there were shards of glass coming from her intestines up to her esophagus so she chose to stop eating for a while until whatever this was went away.  We had no idea the severity of what she was experiencing, nor did anyone at the camp.

By the time she got home several days later, she was very pale, had lost a significant amount of weight in her face and was in constant pain.

We found another doctor and insisted they run a series of tests including an x-ray of her abdomen.  Tests revealed a thickened mass attached to her breastbone so we ordered a CT scan.   Our daughter knows I’ve lost many family members to cancer so immediately she began to think the worst, and I hate to admit it, but so did we.

Ten days after this illness began it ended.  I wanted to share the ‘how’ with you because at any time any one can end up with a similar focus, and if you do, I want to help you know what to do.

She had lost over 6 pounds, had no energy and was still not eating.   A friend of mine, Kevin Rath, connected with me and reminded me that we had been focusing more on the “dis”-“ease”  rather than on her optimum health.  He was completely right!

He reminded me that joy of any kind is like good medicine to the spirit so we focused on laughter, we focused on the victory we have over illness all throughout the following days. We chose to speak only of health and healing and not of the illness. We gave her vitamins in liquid form and we remained grateful for every drop that stayed in her system. We sang, we prayed and we remained hopeful.

We still don’t know what actually happened to cause this intense pain, and the docs are still stumped, but 2 days later she was completely back to normal.  The CT scan was clean, and just last night she said, “Mom, I feel better than normal. I haven’t felt this good in months.”

She also realized that her fear (and ours because she could see and hear it in us) caused much of her subconscious poor health. It was amazing watching her connect to internal leadership abilities and take charge of her life again.

A simple shift in all of our focus manifested health and healing.  What would have happened if we had not shifted our focus?  We believe we would have eventually manifested the demise of our daughter.  Was it a miracle?  We choose to see it that way and are grateful to our very core to see her healed.

Some will say that this is hogwash

Some will say that thinking about what you don’t have in life is simply being ‘realistic’. But I say, if your focus were different you would see the world in a whole new way. Not “might see” but “would see”.

The subconscious cannot distinguish the difference between imagination and reality.  The front of your brain reasons everything out, while the subconscious mind is obedient to the act of whatever it is you are thinking about.

For instance, if you are watching violence on TV, then your subconscious mind doesn’t know the difference between you doing the violent acts or not.  This may explain why nightmares occur after watching a horror flick.  The same holds true for sexual content you might view.  The subconscious mind doesn’t distinguish if it’s you in the sexual act or someone else, hence the physical or sexual changes occur.

So if this is the first time you are hearing this information, and are discounting what I’m saying, then feel free to dispute it.  I doubted it at first too so I get where you are coming from.

The reason I’m telling you this is so you can decide what kind of “reality” you want in your mind. What do you want to connect to in your life?  This work I do – is the kind where I get to help people create internal leadership skills – and the miracles I get to witness are ….  well, there are no words to describe it really but I needed to find it for my own life first. The story is here if you are interested.

What if everyone you met exampled this…

“…whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy – meditate on these things.” Ph 4:8

Would you consider this a clear description of what we could choose to connect our focus on?  Imagine developing a character that is noble, just, pure and true?

Lets look at a few more examples:

When we’re focused on the negatives and the ‘not enough’s’ in life we relinquish our ability to handle situations.  When emotions go up – intelligence goes down.

No one understands me.
I’m living proof of Murphy’s Law.
I’m never going to do this right.
That’s just my luck.
I have to accept my limitations.
I can’t afford this.
It’s never going to work out.
Nothing good ever happens to me.


I am accepted and loved.
I expect the best, and it shows!
I am making so much progress!
God has great plans for me!
I am unstoppable!
I’ll figure out how to earn it
I ask, and I receive
I take deliberate steps to achieve my goal

By consistently directing your thoughts towards greater opportunities in your life, you will learn to practice gratitude for what you already have; money, health, family, house, food, etc.  This doesn’t mean that if you merely think positive life will be a piece of cake. This means it will take consistent work on your part to bring your focus into a place that brings you internal joy. In doing so, you can train your subconscious to understand that you are already living in hope and abundance.

I recall another story of an elderly man who mentored a very angry young boy. He invited the boy to go up a mountain trail saying that when they got to their destination (not saying where that was specifically) they would find what they were looking for.

The hike took over the three hours but on the way up, the boy was saying how beautiful the views were, how pretty the day was, how good the sun felt on his back, how marvelous the skies looked, and how amazing the wild animals were. After the third hour of climbing, the man turned to the boy and said, “Okay we’re here.”

The boy looked around for a few moments, realizing they weren’t at the top yet. Expecting to see a much greater scenery or landscape, he looked around but saw nothing special in this spot.

The boy scowled and asked, “What were we suppose to find here? Did we climb all this way for nothing?!”

The old man smiled and softly replied, “When you expected to see something at the end of your journey, you felt disappointed because you couldn’t find it. While you were on the journey you saw things you couldn’t see before and yet you seemed to be very happy all along the trail. You see, all along the path of gratitude is where you will find your true happiness. It’s rarely at the end of any one’s journey.”

What you focus on expands.

So you want more love?  Practice blessing and loving other people. If you want to be wealthy, then focus on the journey the wealthy person traveled to get there – but remember that wealth isn’t just in the value of money. If you want healthier, happier, relationships then journey close to those that are sincerely filled with deep gratitude, not perfection.

There is one sure thing this world offers and that is that life will always be perfectly imperfect.  I’m okay with that.  How about you?

Hopefully you’ve found something new and relevant to your life in this post and if so, perhaps you would be interested in removing some of the limiting beliefs you have held in your life? I have a book you may be interested in if so HERE.

I do hope you share it by re-tweeting it or posting it to your facebook friends!

Abundant Blessings+


Connecting to community, and seeing transformations happen, can be profound particularly when its your own community. Kellie\'s simple truths brings people back to the basics of emotional connections with faith, hope and love. Invite her to speak at your next event today.
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About Kellie

A Devoted Wife, and Mother, Published Author, Inspirational Speaker, a Certified Trainer for Creating MasterMind Communities, and Founder of Connecting LLC. Kellie’s Ultimate Intention is to BE the Love She Wants to See in the World.
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32 Responses to Connecting to Your Focus Creates Internal Leadership

  1. Cris Tavolacci says:

    Great article Kellie! Thanks for what you do!



  2. kellie_frazier says:

    Thank you to Cris! Please stop by any time and connect here. I tend to miss people who are head and heart connected. :-)


  3. We all get caught up in seeking the pot of gold (or happiness, or wellness etc.) at the end of the rainbow. It’s easy to agree that the reward is in the journey, but to really appreciate that requires practicing it. You give a really good method for practicing that by focusing purely on Phillipians 4:8. Like so many things in life, it’s not a matter of understanding that it’s a great principle to live by as much as it is a matter of taking time from everyday and giving our focused attention to it. That means meditating on it, continually seeing it in life’s situations, and praying on it. I enjoyed this very valuable hike up the mountain, Kellie.


    Kellie Reply:

    I liked the hike up the mountain as well. This story actually came from a movie I saw years ago called “Peaceful Warrior” but since you don’t have teenagers… thanks for the great hour of syndication tonight!


  4. Venus :) says:

    thank you for reminding me to focus. Focus has magical power and the key to achieve results quickly.
    Consciously focusing on the positive is great,
    Venus :)
    .-= Venus :)´s last blog ..Do You Really Need It? =-.


    Kellie Reply:

    So true Venus and I know you like living and being positive!


  5. Excellent Kellie. I actually have a poster hanging in my office with the 4:8 “Whatevers” on it. Love that. Nice way you displayed a comparison of the negative perception vs. the positive. I’ll take positive any day. Blessings to you!


    Kellie Reply:

    Thank you Krista and to you as well! If we can always have a cross over from negative to positive then we’ll always have something to celebrate won’t we. :-)


  6. Val Wilcox says:

    The power of focus is key to achieving your life dreams. It takes a bit to remember how much the self-talk affects you. In the end it’s so worth it to switch that focus to the positive!
    Thanks for the great article,
    .-= Val Wilcox´s last blog ..Meet Malin Berdette, World Traveler Extraordinaire =-.


    Kellie Reply:

    Thanks for commenting Val and you are so right about the power of focus. Just watch how quickly you succeed with your laser focus!


  7. Kellie,
    I like the story of the boy climbing the mountain only to reach the top and scowl. Youth, right? :)

    Learning to find joy in all the little things like the warmth of sun on your back comes with maturity and wisdom. We are all walking that path toward greater understanding of ourselves and others.

    Wonderful words here we can never hear enough!
    ~Mary Lou
    .-= Mary Lou Kayser´s last blog ..5 Rules for Succeeding in the New Economy =-.


    Kellie Reply:

    I think we ought to post those words all over our houses. I wonder what kind of an effect that would have on our kids…..and us!


  8. Chris Hughes says:

    Kellie, This is awesome! I love the story and the part ” all along the path of gratitude is where you will find your true happiness. It’s rarely at the end of any one’s journey” I’ve never heard that before but it’s so true.

    We need to be more grateful with what we currently have because there are so many people throughout the world who would love to be where we currently are and have all the things that we have.

    This has gotten me inspired thank you! :)


  9. Jodi Lee says:

    Kellie, I love this post, especially the story with the angry boy. Wow, we take so much for granted don’t we.
    .-= Jodi Lee´s last blog ..International Women’s Day =-.


  10. thanks for the post, I am always doing the best I can to focus on the positives in life, but we all have our shadow sides to look at and find the positives to focus on as well.

    .-= Jeremy Creager´s last blog ..Women Longing For Their Men To Step It Up ~ Self-Love-Reflections =-.


  11. Such an excellent story to illustrate a important fact. We miss because we will not see. The Forrest and the tree thing. An old old song from my Sunday school day echoed a similar theme.
    “When upon life’s billows You are tempest tossed,
    When you are discouraged Thinking all is lost,
    Count your many blessings Name them one by one,
    And it will surprise you What the Lord hath done. ”

    Great post Kellie


    Kellie Reply:

    I love it Nelson, thank you so much for sharing it. Its amazing what we remember from our early years and how the wisdom still holds true for us today. If we could deliberately set out to defeat the negative every day – whether we do defeat it or not – the intention will carry us much further in life than if we had just given in to the negative. Thanks for dropping by and commenting. You’re the best~


  12. Debby Beachy says:

    This post is great! Every night before going to bed and and every morning before
    getting out of bed I tell ‘God” how thankful I am for all the blessings in my life.

    When I end my day and start my day with thankfulness it keeps me in that place
    of connection with God all day…my days are truly filled with abundance!

    Thanks for sharing!


  13. Eddie Espiritu says:

    I have made it a habit to start each day by saying, “I expect miracles to happen to me today!” Before I go to bed, I take the time to focus on what I have received or have been blessed with that day. This simple practice has helped me completely focus on all the positive that is happening in my life and appreciate the journey towards success.

    Our subconscious really doesn’t distinguish between what is real and what isn’t. It’s our responsibility to “train” it by our thoughts, words, and actions.

    Great post!


  14. Lloyd Dobson says:

    Hi Kellie,

    A great article and very inspiring. Here is my favorite line in your post:

    Some will say that thinking about what you don’t have in life is simply being ‘realistic’. But I say, if your focus were different you would see the world in a whole new way. Not “might see” but “would see”.

    Make it a great day!
    Lloyd Dobson :)


    Kellie Reply:

    Thank you Lloyd. Yes, I believe it is our focus that creates our world. Hope you stop by again soon.


  15. Steve Vernon says:

    Awesome article, Kellie! I simply can’t add of my own wisdom or thoughts to it. You’ve said it all so beautifully. I absolutely love the story of the old man and the boy. Beautifully said!


    Kellie Reply:

    Me too Steve, thanks for visiting. :)


  16. lesly says:

    Hi Kellie!
    Your post just reinforces what I personally am working on – always. It’s no easy task to change your thinking, but over time it happens, it’s like breaking in a pair of new shoes. The more you do it the better it becomes – positive thinking that is. Great post.


    Kellie Reply:

    We’re all working on it Lesly, it will be a never ending process so welcome to the club! :)


  17. Glyna Humm says:

    Kellie – This is such a powerful post! I love the fact, as you stated, that we can decide what realty we want our mind to be in.


  18. Hi Kellie,
    I loved the entire post and agree with all the comments. My favorite part is: :He reminded me that joy of any kind is like good medicine to the spirit so we focused on laughter, we focused on the victory we have over illness all throughout the following days. We chose to speak only of health and healing and not of the illness.”

    The results speak for themselves. You made the choice to focus on the good and not even see anything else. Great job for all of you!

    Thanks so much,



    Kellie Reply:

    Thank you for your encouragement Sandy. You and All are a wealth of knowledge when it comes to supplements and education and I would encourage everyone who wants to know more about nutrition get in contact with you. With your 40 years of experience you are bound to know more than the average person would. It is an honor to have you here. Thank you for dropping in!


  19. Belinda Cunningham says:

    Love your article, what a great gift you have given your daughter to realise the power of positive thinking and to be able to create her own reality. Also love the story of the boy climbing the Mt. I am guilty of not appreciating the journey and only looking at the destination. You have reminded me to stop and look on the way.


  20. Kellie,

    A powerful reminder of how important it is to focus on the positive energies in our lives. It’s not always ease and it’s easy to become disgruntled and distracted but, with reminders like this, it’s quick and easy to get back on track!

    Joanna :)


    Kellie Reply:

    Thank you Joanna and welcome to connecting. Do you know Dr. Jo? You’d appreciate talking with her I think. She trained many of our Olympic Athletes this year. Let me know if you’d like to meet and I’ll introduce you.


  21. Kellie,
    I’m so sorry your family had to go through that dis-ease and so glad that it’s over! Thank you so much for sharing such an intimate part of your life in a way that can teach us all such a critical lesson. I don’t know that we have much “control” in the world, yet I do know that we have pretty much control over what thoughts we choose to give energy to and to focus upon.
    Thanks for the reminder,


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