I was 6 years old when we stood outside in our driveway, I remember breathing in the frigid air, waiting for the school bus to arrive. I wanted to get to my second grade classroom early so I could thank the janitor privately for the mittens I proudly displayed on my hands that morning. He was usually at the janitors closet next to our classroom when we got to class.
While holding my hands out in front of me I gazed at the white snowflake design in the middle of them, then I had this thought;
“There must be two kinds of people in the world, ones who are loving and ones who are not loving.”
I also remember wondering if I was in the loving group, but knowing for sure the janitor must be. I pictured him laying those beautiful handmade mittens on my desk after school, knowing I needed them.
I had seen both the loving and unloving exampled to rationalize a concept like this at age Seven. I went back to this moment in time because I woke up today with a similar thought after spending time researching the meaning of honor for my latest book.
If you think about it, most of today’s children have been witness to abuse of one form or another (spiritual, emotional, mental, physical, sexual) if they watch any television or sit at the computer for any length of time. Are you aware that our kids will likely see angry people (cartoons included) at least 10 times per hour, profanity more than 20 times per hour and people discussing or committing immoral acts at least 5 times per hour depending on what program or station they are watching?
We often rationalize the exposure our kids get by saying “they’re too young to understand it”, or ”it’s just cartoons”, or “it’s not real its just Hollywood”. I know I’ve even said these things when my own kids were little.
How many parents have given children televisions in their bedrooms and have no thought as to what is influencing their kids? I didn’t do that but I might just as well have with how often it was on during my unconscious parenting days.
I wanted to share a specific quote in my book by Victor Frankl, so I googled it to be sure it was accurate. Although I could not locate the direct citation for this particular thought, I know that Frankl believed that there are only two races. He described them as “Decent” men and “Indecent” men.
During my search I found the following short story in Wikipedia and felt so moved by it that I wanted to share it with you in hopes that it makes you ask 2 questions of yourself.
1. Do I stand up for truth in everything I do?
2. Am I loving even in my own thoughts?
Here is one of Victor’s moments while inside the concentration camp as found in wikipedia…
“We stumbled on in the darkness, over big stones and through large puddles, along the one road leading from the camp. The accompanying guards kept shouting at us and driving us with the butts of their rifles. Anyone with very sore feet supported himself on his neighbor’s arm. Hardly a word was spoken; the icy wind did not encourage talk. Hiding his mouth behind his upturned collar, the man marching next to me whispered suddenly: “If our wives could see us now! I do hope they are better off in their camps and don’t know what is happening to us.”
That brought thoughts of my own wife to mind. And as we stumbled on for miles, slipping on icy spots, supporting each other time and again, dragging one another up and onward, nothing was said, but we both knew: each of us was thinking of his wife. Occasionally I looked at the sky, where the stars were fading and the pink light of the morning was beginning to spread behind a dark bank of clouds. But my mind clung to my wife’s image, imagining it with an uncanny acuteness. I heard her answering me, saw her smile, her frank and encouraging look. Real or not, her look was then more luminous than the sun which was beginning to rise.”
Victor describes an honorable way to introduce personal mastery into his thinking. In his memoirs he pointed out that life can be made meaningful by; 1) what we give to the world in terms of what we are willing to create; 2) by what we will take from the world in terms of our experience; and 3) by the stand we take toward the world, through our attitude we choose when faced with our own suffering.
Back to my original thought of two kinds of people and how this tied into Victor Frankl’s words.
He said, “We who lived in concentration camps can remember the men who walked through the huts comforting others, giving away their last piece of bread. They may have been few in number, but they offer sufficient proof that everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms—to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way.”
Did you catch that? “…to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way.”
Each of us gets to choose every moment of every day how we will react, what we will say, and what we will do.
In this published article from EzinesArticles I shared 8 principles that I choose to live by. I’m sharing them with you now for two purposes;
1. in case you ever find I am not living up to these myself you can keep me accountable
2. in case you want share them with others through your own personal mastery
None of us are perfect, and none of us will be loving 24/7 because we are human, but to the best of my ability I want to example the following until the day I die.
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Principle 1 Be Understanding – Be a good listener not a good interrupter. Listen without distractions so you can truly understand the other person’s perspective.
Principle 2 Have Good Discretion – You have the right to act in accordance with your own judgment and with good discretion you can choose wisely. Two important tips: never correct a mocker or you invite insult, and heed discipline.
Principle 3 Live Nobly – Discretion is a segue to nobility. Being noble comes from an inner connection. Noble people live in exalted moral excellence for the purpose of increasing others.
Principle 4 Increase Wisdom – Intelligent people seek education. Wise people also seek an inner voice of counsel, sound judgment, enduring wealth and prosperity which comes without thought of competition. Competitiveness pulls at the very fabric of intelligence.
Principle 5 Be a Teacher Who Serves – Think of others daily and teach by example. Wise teachers ask, “Who can I serve today?”
Principle 6 Live In Gratitude – Not only for what you might obtain but also for what you’ve seen, done or have in your life right now.
Principle 7 Give Love Consistently – People of honor show love to others no matter what the circumstances are. This kind of love would indicate forgiveness to the deepest level of human-ness; forgiving and forgetting.
Principle 8: Exhibit Patience – Patience is a sign of trust. You know any situation will work itself out of you have a belief it will. A person of patience endures to seek out what they are to learn from the situation.
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Being honorable doesn’t mean everything will be perfect and these principles only scratch the surface of those who truly know how to live honorably, but it does mean you can choose to look beyond the imperfections and grow in faith. You can increase honor in your own life by learning, and living, one principle at a time. Won’t you join me?
If you’ve read this entire message then I want to thank you for connecting to decency, to selflessness, to honor and in particular to love.
Please re-tweet this if you found it useful and I’d love it if you’d share a comment below.
Abundant Blessings,
P.S. If you know of anyone who is doing extraordinary things in the world let me know by clicking here—> and telling me about them!
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Hi Kellie,
This is a truly uplifting article, for which I thank you. I’m an admirer of Viktor Frankl’s and recognised the quote you have above, as it’s something I try to keep reminding myself of when I stray from a path that is right for me.
Your 8 Principles are a wonderful summary of how to love a good life?
By the way, have you read Alexander Green’s website “Spiritual Wealth” – there have been similarly inspiring articles there too, which you may enjoy.
Thanks!
Tracey : )
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Kellie Reply:
June 22nd, 2010 at 7:59 pm
Welcome Tracey! I’m glad you enjoyed the 8 principles, as timeless as they are I can’t take credit for adapting them to my own life now can I. I haven’t read Alexander Greens work but would like to. Thank you for the mention. Do drop by again when you get a chance. We always enjoy seeing new visitors and hearing their comments.
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Kellie,
As always, a very cool post. We do feel that living an honorable life in the service and love of others is ultimate, and we strive to do that on a daily basis.
Looking at the graciousness and servitude of those individuals who helped so many others in the face of oppression is such an inspiration for us to do the same.
Thanks so much for the inspiration Kellie!
~ Pat and Lorna
http://TheCoolestCouple.com
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Kellie Reply:
June 22nd, 2010 at 7:57 pm
You are so right Pat & Lorna! Inspiration comes in all forms but usually begins with overcoming adversity. Thank you for dropping by and for being members of the ‘striving’ team.
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Wow Kellie,
Your 8 principles are awesome. Using these builds a sound foundation for your life. Gratitude is one that I have become more aware of through my interactions online. Every day I wake up and give thanks to be alive and thankful of what the day will bring. It really sets the mood for the day.
I have not read Vicktor’s book, but I’ve seen reference to it many times.
I love that saying about not being able to take away a person’s dignity.
I appreciate you for sharing these qualities you live by. I know you emulate them. Have an awesome day!
Val
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Kellie Reply:
June 22nd, 2010 at 7:55 pm
These principles are certainly not mine alone as timeless as they are, but I have adapted them to my life as swiftly as I can. Thank you for your kind words Val and for mirroring them. <3
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2 thumbs up and 5 stars on this article.
i read this quote a while back…. most likely from a decent man. “spiritual maturity is not how we act but rather how we react.” i find this to be an excellent litmus test for where we are in our journey in this world. keep up the good work. peace and love.
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Kellie, I really can only say Thank You from the bottom of my heart! This is a wonderful post and I am copying the 8 principles and putting them up on my wall.
You are a wonderful example of living these principles.
Thank you again,
Sandy
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Kellie Reply:
June 22nd, 2010 at 7:54 pm
Being wonderful depends on the perspective of the individual, so thank you for seeing me through your loving eyes Sandy.
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Kellie,
Wow! This is the deepest article of yours ever, at least to me. While normally I don’t like breaking down people into “groups” as it’s divisive, I totally get the point of choosing love in all that we do and decide. And I love the work of Viktor Frankl and teach his philosophy in the psych courses I teach to grad students.
Thanks for such a beautiful post,
Adam
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Kellie Reply:
June 22nd, 2010 at 7:53 pm
Why thank you for your kind words Adam. That means a lot to me.
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Kellie, this is an amazing post. I absolutely love your principles. Especially the one about gratitude. I have rocks (gratitude rocks) everywhere I spend ANY amount of time. They all mean something. I have one at my desk at work, one on my desk at home, one in my car and one in my bedroom.
Thanks for sharing all this amazing information. Some parts really hit home with me.
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Kellie Reply:
June 22nd, 2010 at 8:04 pm
I’m so glad Debbie. Your rock collection grows as you do and I think it’s a fabulous idea to put them wherever you are. I heard a story about a man whose son was ill in Africa and when he was visiting a friend in the states he was shown the gratitude rock. When he went back home his son was dying so he wrote his friend and asked him to send as many gratitude rocks as he could. So the man went down to a creek and hand selected as many river rocks as he could find and sent them to his friend in Africa. The man began to sell them to make enough money to get his son the medical attention he needed and was healed. Our gratitude can be shared in so many different forms so thank you for reminding us of the rock in which our faith often stands. Hugs.
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Ah Kellie, you said so much… children, facing adversity by “choosing your own way”, attitude. All of which I feel in my heart.. deeply. This is one of those posts that you have to re-read over and over again because it is so rich… I am hoping to serve as many women as I can through the process of birth, and love them all … powerful principles of living and article …
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Kellie Reply:
June 23rd, 2010 at 10:17 am
Sometimes you write and things just flow…..then you say, “hmmm, I wonder if this is too much.”
Thank you for letting me know this post brought an impact for you Lesly. We’re here to enrich each others lives as you do mine so thank you for dropping by and posting. Blessings.
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Kellie, Great post! I will bookmark it and come back to read the 8 principles. Good stuff! Thanks, Joseph McDevitt
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Hey Kellie: I’m taking Victor Frankl’s quote with me on a 3×5 card. It is so inspirational. Thanks for reminding all of us about what is really important.
Blessings,
Patti Gage
He said, “We who lived in concentration camps can remember the men who walked through the huts comforting others, giving away their last piece of bread. They may have been few in number, but they offer sufficient proof that everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms—to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way.”
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Kellie Reply:
June 23rd, 2010 at 1:56 pm
Thanks for dropping by Patti. Yes, we tend to forget that human dignity is the very fabric of life. Glad you enjoyed the quote. He was an amazing man.
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Great post Kellie! I love the story you share of Victor Frankl. Indeed, choosing our attitude is always in our power. Sometimes we need to be reminded of those who have truly difficult situations, to see that attitude is our choice. Thanks for the reminder, and the thought-provoking post.
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Kellie Reply:
June 24th, 2010 at 7:11 am
Thank you Jacqueline, I appreciate you!
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Kellie,
Thanks for writing this post , i find the information that you have shared of great value to the people that i connect with and going to pass this on to my tribe. I look forward to reading more from you.
Chris
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Kellie Reply:
June 24th, 2010 at 7:10 am
I’m grateful Chris and thankful you are able to use the information to bring increase to the lives of others.
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Kellie;
I wanted you to know I love reading all your post!, My significant other and I are in the midst of an adversarial group. I truly believe it was meant for me to read this post today! I found it very uplifting and inspirational and now I can’t wait to share it and apply the principals to this situation and future ones.
Instead of counting to “l0″ I’m going to pull out the “8″ and read them over and over again!
Thank you for sharing!
My cousin sure married a wonderful person and I hope that someday we will get to meet eachother.
Tami
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Kellie Reply:
June 24th, 2010 at 7:09 am
I love that Tami….”Instead of counting to “l0″ I’m going to pull out the “8″ if you don’t mind I’d like to use that in my next seminar. I think that’s a great name for an entirely new slide show! Thank you for your kind words and for visiting my site. I’m grateful that you are able to find purpose and a usefulness in reading this material. I too look forward to meeting you one day. Do let me know if there is any way I can help you. You can reach me through facebook at any time.
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Kellie,
Your list of 8 is going up on the wall where I’ll see it when I wake up in the morning, and just before bed. Thank you!
It’s such an exciting time to be alive…definitely many challenges and many problems to solve…and each problem offers so much opportunity, doesn’t it? I love Viktor Frankl’s writings, and the quote you provided, that we each have the Freedom “to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances.” With that single realization, anyone can go from feeling stuck, helpless, and overwhelmed by the enormity of the world’s problems, to a mindshift: “I am needed. I have something to offer” — and from that thought to taking positive action
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Kellie Reply:
June 24th, 2010 at 3:56 pm
Thank you Louise and you are right! It IS an exciting time to be alive. Looking so forward to working with you on our ‘secret project’.
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Wow, Kellie, another great articlewith a great message.
With so many comments before me, I will only say ‘Congratulations’!
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Kellie Reply:
June 24th, 2010 at 3:55 pm
Thank you Navinder. I miss talking to you my friend. I need to go back to your blog and read so I can keep up with you.
Looking forward to your presentations on http://www.leaderscafe.co.uk
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Mmmm, Kellie! Wow. This is a new favorite post of mine. Beautifully written, as you always do, but the way you wove in the stories was just incredibly moving. I loved reading your principles to live by. I have “who can I serve today?” written on a piece of paper hanging on my wall in my office ~ it always reminds me, in my moments of weakness or selfishness, of the greatness of my journey and the difference I plan to make in my lifetime.
I love the way you defined “live nobly”. That really connected with me. On my list, I have “live in integrity” ~ and I’ve always defined integrity as moral excellence ~ but to live nobly, with EXALTED moral excellence for the purpose of increasing other…. Oooh, that’s powerful!
Thank you so much for sharing your amazing gifts with us, Kellie, I am truly grateful to know you!
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Kellie Reply:
June 24th, 2010 at 3:54 pm
Okay Miss Beth, for the first time ever I have actually teared up while reading a comment. I am truly humbled. I am so glad my words touched your heart today and as always there are many who have gone before me who said these things. I think we just need to be ready to receive them at a certain time in our lives before they finally click. You are a dear one. Thank you again.
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As I was growing up, my mom was always very careful about what we would watch on TV, what we’d do on the computer, what music we were listening to, and what people we spent our time with. I have three younger brothers ages 13-19, so she is still cautious about what goes on. Since we never had cable TV that wasn’t an issue but the internet can be so dangerous, so we always had an understanding that there wouldn’t be internet available in our bedrooms or behind closed doors.
All of the boys are pretty respectful of the rules and I don’t have any doubts that they will stick to the morals instilled within them when they are all grown and out of the house. Sure, kids aren’t going to watch PG rated movies for the rest of their lives, no one expects that.
But I think my point is, if a child is raised with good values from a young age on up through to adulthood, he or she is more likely to stick the habits of their upbringing.
Good post, Kellie!
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