One of the greatest gifts ever given by the creator was relationships.  In my younger years I saw poor relationships exampled every day; from parents to relatives and friends.  There were very few “healthy” relationship examples in our area where drinking, drugs and abuse were prevalent, but that never stopped me from believing it was possible to have great relationships in business or my personal life.

We’ll get into Jim Rohn and Chris Widener‘s book, the “Twelve Pillars” shortly but first lets uncover one vital factor.  Success or failure does not happen without cause and effect.

Thoughts are causes, and conditions are effects.

Your thoughts control the conditions of your life.  The quality of your thinking determines the quality of your life.  The greatest spiritual teachers have discovered that you become what you think about most of the time.

So I ask you….

What do you think about most of the time? (Take a moment to respond to this question)

If you are a loving person you likely think about being loving most of the time.  Happy people think about being happy.  Self made millionaires think about whether or not their decisions will make them more of an income, and if not they put it off.

Now this cause and effect thinking doesn’t turn everything we think about into reality 100% of the time.  As Denis Waitley said, “If that were so then boys would become girls because that is all they think about in their teen years.”  For some it seems that is all they think about, however, it does affect them greatly to make a choice to do so and it’s rarely positive in the long run.

Thoughts = Cause
Conditions = Effect

For example; If you’ve been terribly hurt by someone and you choose to hold bitterness in your heart this has enormous consequential cause of angry outbursts, frustration over little things, miserable feelings and an overall unhappy life.  An unforgiving heart is the effect that can last a lifetime unless you choose to forgive.

What? I am to “Choose” to forgive someone who’s hurt me?!  That’s right… forgiveness is a choice just like getting out of bed in the morning.  It’s not easy but it is necessary to do so.

No one is to blame for how you feel.  Not the president, not your mother and not your partner.  It is completely your responsibility to go through your life making choices that will move you forward and forgiveness needs to be a priority of your list.

Pillar Three: The Gift of Relationships

What if every person you conversed with were the most important person in the room at that moment?   You would create a world of honor and value for the one speaking.  How would you feel if someone did that for you?

Your willingness to listen and take a moment to be with them, is truly loving them, and it would create HUGE success when done consistently.  Imagine how incredible your relationships would be if you were able to make everyone feel important?

I triple-dog dare you to do it consistently for 10 days.  Measure your success by how well you listened without critiquing what the other person said – they are to be THE most important person in the room.

If you make a habit of doing it you will be connecting emotionally with everyone you meet and others will be drawn to you because of your unique gift of listening.  What does ‘active listening’ look like?

• Eye contact
• Open mind
• Open ears
• A totally closed mouth unless your opinion is being asked for
• If you have something to add then ask them if you might contribute to the conversation before interjecting your opinions

My ‘Connecting Secrets’ on the home page can help with more ideas – and believe me when I tell you we can all use the help in this category.

In Business…

People who understand cause and effect will also understand how to achieve success in business.
I’ve coached people in their businesses and in their personal relationships in learning to connect on an emotional level with their customers and their familes.  I assist them in understanding how is money generated in their business; who is it they need to be building relationships with; what are the constraints holding them back; and how they connect emotionally is vital to the cause and effect of success.

Successful people in the top 10% have different thoughts than most.  They think about what they want and how to get it, and they think about what others want and how they can help them get it. Successful people know how to build relationships but they had to learn it just like you and I.

If you trace back to find out how someone achieved success in business then you will find cause and effect in place.  You can put your feet in their tracks to find out how they started from nothing and became wealthy, and if you followed their path then you too can create wealth.

Unsuccessful people think about what they don’t have, why they don’t have it, who’s to blame, and why they can never get it, consequently all of their relationships suffer.

Your job is to think about what you want and how to get it, whether in business or in your family life.  If you want a wonderful relationship with your partners or your family then you will think about how you can achieve it.  You will search for better ways until your relationships blossom.

When you ask the ‘how’ instead of why, the ‘how‘ brings you into taking complete responsibility of your life, it gives you complete confidence, you become the action taker, a person of self control.

Did you hear me say your spouse needs to get off the couch and take action?  Did you hear me say your business partner needs to learn to run a better business?  No, cause and effect takes shape within you understand first, not your spouse or partner.  I often say, “Be the hero you want your spouse to be” and you’ll see change.

Make it a reality for your life.  This may sound cliche’ but what matters is where you are going, not where you are right now or where you have been.  If you are not continuing your education where relationships are concerned then you are not growing, nor taking responsibility.

You can always tell who a person is by what they do because what they do is a true expression of their core values.  Only action equals action toward success.

One of the kindest things you could do for any one is to share your ideas on how to be successful in relationships, in business or in life with others.  You will build the relationships you want by giving, or bringing increase, into those you are seeking relationships from.  Again, try it consistently for 10 days and see what happens.

Two Questions to ask yourself:  How hard are you willing to work to keep the weeds away? How willing are you to cultivate your business and family relationships?

My personal belief is one of the greatest gifts ever given to us by the creator was the Gift of Relationships.

So what do you think of Pillar Three? Let me know in the comment box below and definitely share on twitter and facebook if you think it is content worthy.

In case you missed them, look for Pillar One and Pillar Two so you can catch up to where we are.

Abundant Blessing,