Today’s Pillar is very important to understand.
Pillar Six – Surround yourself with people who exhibit and live consistent to the values and skills you want to acquire and develop.
Perhaps you feel its hard to find others who believe the same way you do? I understand, but it’s really not as hard as you might think.
While my husband and I raised our son’s years back we did most of it unconsciously just like our parents did. We allowed our boys to watch an abundance of television, hang out with the neighborhood kids, drag them to church, not really contributing to the lives of others (unless we made them volunteer somewhere).
We believed as our parents did that we were doing well in our parenting methods as long as our kids weren’t breaking the law or offending people. I often wonder what percentage of parents believe that to be true as well.
When each of our sons turned 18 within a few years of each other, I noticed that it wasn’t what we taught them that hurt them, but what we didn’t teach them that hurt them the most.
For example, we didn’t teach them;
- how to have a clear vision for their lives
- how to remain positive or to have self control over their own thoughts
- how to invest in themselves
- how to control their finances; like setting up different accounts for necessities, giving, saving, long term spending and financial freedom accounts. We did however teach them to use a check book and a credit card like most parents do.
- how to surround themselves with people who are encourager’s and visionaries
- how to be people of action who could be go-givers
- we didn’t teach them to understand their own internal power or know how to use it
Don’t get me wrong, I cherish my sons who are very intelligent, loving, hard working, married to wonderful women and they are doing extremely well considering. We (and they) understand that we did the best we could with what we had at the time so this isn’t about beating myself up.
I know too that they will learn as I have, and as you have over the years, through their experiences and grow from them. Or they might choose not to grow from them, but either way it is their choice.
I’ll never forget lying in bed staring up at the ceiling saying to my husband, “Jon, we didn’t teach the boys how to live, we taught them how to survive.”
He replied, “Yeah, and what’s wrong with that?”
Jon was very good at surviving and very proud of it. We were both use to surviving and although I once admired him for his great survival mentality and instincts, I saw at that moment how limiting it really was.
I said, “Nothing if that is all you want to do, but I think we are meant to do more than just survive in life.”
As he fell asleep, I quietly made a choice to find out how to be a better example, have better relationships, be a better person for the sake of our little girl who was then six, and for my own sake.
Jim Rohn and Chris Widener talked about Pillar Six being vital to your health and well-being, but without seeing the truth in that statement you may never understand how important it is. Here are a few questions they suggested to ask yourself:
- Who am I around?
- What kind of effect are they having on me or my life?
- What do I read when I’m around them?
- What do I watch when I’m around them?
- What do I listen to when I am around them.
What I began to learn was that God gave us nature in all it’s grandeur and there was such awesome nobility in it to learn from. If we took enough time to watch it there are enough lessons in it to consume our every waking moment. I knew also that true nobility is not about being a better man than others, but about being a better man than you use to be and when you discover each moment of this new life you feel something shift. Something awakens inside of you that cannot be explained but you want to share it.
Associating with people now, right where you are, who can uplift you and encourage you to be a better man or woman than you use to be is VITAL to our very nature.
It isn’t going to help your today or tomorrow if you hang out with people who are ‘surviving’ and do you know why? You will not be challenged to be a better person, to grow in character and strength. Fortunately for me, my husband saw that changes were needed over time and wanted to find those changes for himself as well.
That’s what it means to increase the life of another human being. To learn how and to give back, and to teach others to do the same. If you want to have vision, to understand your internal power and learn to take incredible action in peace, then you may have to start finding other friends to learn and grow with and spend more time listening to your internal silence. Especially while you’re in nature.
Don’t like being challenged in this way? I can relate… but it is what it will make of you to do so that you can look forward to.
Elizabeth Ross said, “If you shield the mountain from the windstorms you will never see the carvings of your life.”
No matter what you go through be grateful for it as it adds to the beauty of your life, and remember to share it with others. Associate with those whom you’d want to share you pain and joy with AND who can challenge you to grow beyond it.
I appreciate you so much. To thank you for visiting my page I would like to send you a free gift of Connecting Secrets up in the right-hand corner. Just watch the video and it will explain. As always feel free to re-tweet and comment below and if you missed any of the previous pillars but you’d like to catch up here they are:
Abundant Blessings,
| Kellie is a Matters of the Heart Specialist. Ever heard of it? She's a Wife, Mother, Author, Speaker and Trainer for those who want richer communications. She inspires visionaries to live out their BEST lives. Don't miss her timeless principles to greater communications for both personal and professional levels. |
As a mother of a 4-year old, I am extremely appreciative of the opportunities to learn about how to teach my child how to LIVE. Thanks Kellie for your wisdom and this opportunity. Always insightful!
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Kellie Reply:
July 19th, 2010 at 2:29 pm
Welcome Pauline! Thank you for you comments and I have no doubt that your little boy is already learning how to LIVE. Just look at his examples.
*hugs*
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Kellie, Great post! I think that being a parent is probably the hardest job in the world! Wait, let me rephrase that- “Being a GOOD parent is probably the hardest job in the world”. I think we all are products of our parents, and we tend to teach our children what we have been taught.
I think you are spot on when you talk about how what we taught them isn’t what hurt them, it’s what we didn’t teach them. I think it is important for us to take the initiative to go beyond just teaching our children what they need to survive. We need to encourage them to have vision and step out of their comfort zone and strive for a better life and then pass that vision down to their children. Thanks for the very inspirational post!
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Kellie Reply:
July 21st, 2010 at 8:13 am
Joseph thank you for leaving such a thoughtful comment. I’m grateful you find this post inspirational. These pillars are part of my new book so it’s helpful to get the feedback. Much appreciated and I look forward to reading more of your posts as well.
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Thank you for sharing that Kellie. That’s what most all of us are taught by our parents is survival. And as you so well understand it’s about creating your life and learning how to create the abundance that you desire and deserve. It’s very interesting that our generation thinks that having a job is security even when they see what’s going on around them. It’s so funny I’ve been entrepreneur in personal development for over 8 years now and my mom always ask me how my business is going. She never asked me that question when I had a job.
Michael
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Kellie Reply:
July 21st, 2010 at 3:22 pm
Oh I completely understand that Michael. Most people don’t know what to say to anyone who steps out of the boat on faith except, “Hope it works out for you.”
We can only keep moving forward, doing better than our best, and trust that one day someone will choose to change their lives because of our faith, and God’s love. Thank you for visiting Micheal. I appreciate you!
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Hi Kellie,
I love the source of your post ideas here. Twelve Pillars is an excellent book by Jim Rohn & Chris Widener and who you associate with is so key to going beyond just surviving.
You are lucky now because you can share what you now know with your sons because it is never too late to share and help others. I have fairly recently became a student of self-development and what I didn’t learn in the past is well buried under what I am learning now. So all we can do is share what we are learning with all who want to listen and make their lives better. You are doing a fantastic job of doing exactly that so keep up the excellent art of giving and sharing!
I look forward to your future well-written posts on the Twelve Pillars!
Dawn and (Dave)
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Kellie Reply:
July 21st, 2010 at 9:27 pm
You are so right Dawn. It is never too late and although that is what others may have you believe, it is not true. There is always hope, and always opportunity to do better. I’m so grateful for you and Dave and your comments that keep me working harder and being more inspired to go beyond my best. I now have my own radio program, on Motivational Radio, and will be looking for others to do more guest blogging here, so if you know of anyone who’d be a great fit (hint hint) let me know.
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Hey Kellie,
I have five girls 3-14 and I hope and pray that I can lead them and guide them to have lives with meaning. I hope most of it is caught and not taught.
Always balancing,
Rafael
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Kellie Reply:
July 22nd, 2010 at 2:04 am
I understand what you are saying Rafael. Five girls? My good man you are RICHLY blessed!
I believe that both hope and love both are caught, not taught. My daughter has shown that to me over and over again. Thank you for blessing me with your comment and it’s great to meet you. I invite you to listen to our program on Motivational Radio, soon to be aired, and would love it if your girls would pop in to say hi to me sometime. They would be amazed by some of the guests on my show. Blessings!
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Hey Kellie,
Great post! This statement “how to remain positive or to have self control over their own thoughts” is an easy one and one that so many people over-look. We have choices in every circumstance to choose a positive or negative response, and that response can dictate our entire day.
In Success,
Howie Perks
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Kellie Reply:
July 22nd, 2010 at 2:06 am
So true Howie. My daughter just proved it again yesterday when something very traumatic happened she controlled her thoughts and was able to handle the situation with style and courage. Thank you for commenting. I am very blessed by your words.
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I don’t want to merely survive .. I do want to grow, develop and learn all I can as well as build a happy and successful life for my family. Surrounding yourself with like minded people can be daunting and, in my experience, there are many who will drag you down. I feel you provided a great reminder of what life is supposed to be about and I like the fact that you have other resources available for following up education.
Joanna
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Kellie Reply:
July 22nd, 2010 at 12:29 pm
Hi Joanna and thank you for your honest sharing. Love it! You are so right that others can drag you down but the flip side is only if you allow them to but giving up control to their negativity. I appreciate your feedback on my follow up educational work. I do work extremely hard to provide whatever I can. I hope you’ll look into my new radio program (it’s on the down-low) for Motivational Radio coming soon. We’re excited about it and will let everyone know when it’s live on our Connecting fan page (http://www.facebook.com/ConnectingLLC) if you want to “like” us there.
Thank you again and do come back as often as you can! Blessings. K
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Kellie,
I really enjoyed this post. I too taught my children how to survive. At that time, I had no idea about teaching them the skills they needed to grow and learn. Then again, that’s the way I was brought up and I never thought to question those methods.
It’s never too late to learn these skills though. I am a prime example of that. So what ever was is past. Moving forward, I am encouraging them to step outside of that mindset and see what truly can be. It does matter who you surround yourself with. Survivors are not interested in enriching their minds – they are too busy to see the need.
Funny how that serves no one!
Great post Kellie! I love it!
Val
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Kellie,
Thanks for such an eloquent and heart-felt post. Yes, we all do the best that we can, yet as we “wake up” a little bit more each day, we are capable of sharing even more, modeling even more, loving even more. It definitely is about contribution and I really appreciate what you contribute to me and to so many others.
Thanks so much,
Adam
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Hey Kellie,
What an amazing post. Filled with such great wisdom. Thanks so much for sharing it with us.
I can relate to the surviving vs. living life. I was once living in survival mode but did not even know it until I was awakened to the potential of myself and the life I was born to live. I strive to live each day 1% better than the day before. It keeps me fresh and moving forward.
Make it a great day!
God Bless,
-ed
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Kellie Reply:
July 24th, 2010 at 8:44 pm
Me too Ed, me too.
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Hi Kellie,
being a mother of three grown boys I sometimes think what I would have liked to teach them with what I know now, especially your point:”how to remain positive or to have self control over their own thoughts”.
As you say we did our best with what we knew at the time.
Great question!
Thanks for the article!
Love and Light
from
Yorinda
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