Oprah Implores Parents To Understand The RED FLAGS Of Child Molesting

INSIDE THE MIND OF A CHILD ABUSER

This is no one’s favorite subject, but I found this interview to be one of the all time BEST for Oprah.  She will be posting this piece on her website but keep reading to find out why it may very well be her most life altering show…

In meeting with four child molesters from different parts of the country, and currently in rehab for child molestation, Oprah is pleading with parents saying  “If you can withhold judgment, and really listen to what they are saying, they will teach you how to watch out for them.”

These men, David, Derek, Lee and Robert, openly admitted their offenses.  Each of them are human, each of them acted out in a sinful, deplorable manner, and yet each of them are wanting to help save other victims by opening the eyes of the parents who might listen to them.

Will you be one of those parents?

Sexual predators groom their victims.  Here is what these four abusers listed as warning signs of a possible situation for grooming the future abuse:

1.  Men (or women) spending more time with children than with adults, particularly at a party or gathering.

2. Men (or women) who give massages or back and foot rubs often.

3. Men (or women) who cuddle more than normal.

4. Men (or women) who listen intently to a child to build trust as they would to someone they would want to date.

I have given 5 years of my life to teach others how to connect emotionally to each other as couples, and specifically to their kids.  If you understand what is being said by these men, then you will see and hear that this emotional connection can prevent your son or daughter from being a victim.

These men reportedly looked for:

1. Children who need attention and who will trust others to give it and often it’s a relative or family friend.

2. Kids who are angry at their parents and who wanted to retaliate.  Kids whose parents are not emotionally connected to them.

3. Kids who would not tell on them because they wanted validation.  The men all believed sex will help the child feel better about him or herself and at the same time give them companionship.

These words carry powerfully rich choices for you as parents.

Do you know if you are emotionally connected to your kids?  Would you know how, or where, to start being more emotionally connected to them?  Most people do not – so you are not alone.  This is why I am developing programs to help assist all parents in this way.

Oprah affirmed that sexual abuse “Changes who you are.”   There are very few women that I know today who haven’t been introduced to some form of sexual alteration in their life, myself included.  The truth is, it isn’t who you are, but it can determine who you become if you aren’t aware of how to move beyond it.

Being afraid is not the same as being aware!  Being afraid perpetuates the victim mentality.  It is becoming aware, and choosing a destination from a place of logic and compassion that can bring healing.  I can’t explain what this means in a short post but I know it is truth.

Dave (one of the abusers) spoke more truth in this one statement that made Oprah feel her 2-hour interview was worth the time.  He said,  “I killed who she (his victim) could have been.  Just because she is walking around doesn’t mean she’s okay.”

As Oprah stated, “When a child is abused it kills their spirit.” This goes for both genders.

We wonder why so many kids are provocative and engaged in sexual promiscuity?  Yet if we stopped to find out what happened to them in their past we would no longer wonder.  Ask a serial killer why he kills and he will not be able to tell you.  Ask him about his childhood and you will find unspeakable atrocities perpetrated against him as a child, only to him it was “normal”.

I say when you learn to love your child, spouse, friend, neighbor, on an emotional and spiritual level you can help lift their spirit beyond victim-hood, beyond what they know to be ‘normal’.  To do this takes loving yourself both emotionally and spiritually.

I have a hero. Her family was murdered in front of her eyes and she was raped and tortured for hours at the age of 10.  She is my hero because she could have chosen death from paralyzing fear and depression.  Instead she has moved beyond fear without letting this situation determine who she is becoming.  Her parents were emotionally connected to her before their deaths.  I know this because they were good friends of mine and she is now thriving and living again.

So for all the Melissa’s in life, and for all the Oprah’s in life, and for all the Kellie’s in life, seek out ways to be a hero for yourself no matter how old you are.  Tell someone if you are facing an abusive situation or have lived with victimization, but more than that we want you to understand something and to say it aloud as often as you need to until you believe it:  “IT WAS NOT MY FAULT.”

Please comment and share on Twitter or Facebook so we can encourage all parents to be aware of the importance of being emotionally connected to their kids.

Will you also please visit this site and let me know if you are interested in knowing how to become more connected to your own kids on an emotional and spiritual level?

• 1 in 4 girls is sexually abused before the age of 18. ACE Study – Prevalence – Adverse Childhood Experiences
• 1 in 6 boys is sexually abused before the age of 18. ACE Study – Prevalence – Adverse Childhood Experiences
• 1 in 5 children are solicited sexually while on the internet. Finkelhor, D., Mitchell, K., & Wolak, J. (2001, March). Highlights of the youth internet safety survey. US Department of Justice, Office of Justice Programs, Office of Juvenile Justice and Delinquency Prevention.
• Nearly 70% of all reported sexual assaults (including assaults on adults) occur to children ages 17 and under. Snyder, H N. (2000). Sexual assault of young children as reported to law enforcement: Victim, incident, and offender characteristics. National Center for Juvenile Justice, U.S. Department of Justice

Public Speaking Tips That Make A Lasting Connection

Have you been taught that speaking intellectually is all that is needed while presenting to your audience?   We’ve all heard a number of people who are not connected to their hearts while speaking, and sadly, the great disconnect happens.  If you are a speaker who is “disconnected” this will be evident to your audience as well.

Here are some questions to determine how well you hold the attention of your audience as a public speaker.

1. When you take a break do people applaud your return in a rousing way?

2. Are audience members drawn to you during breaks or after you are done speaking?

3. How many of them want to become your student, client or member after your presentation?

4. How many calls do you receive to do another presentation or to tell you how much they enjoyed your presentation?

If you are connected to your heart, you will be connected to your audience.  If you are connected to your audience, they will be connected to you.

Below are ways in which you can take time to connect to your heart before you present.

1. Spend time in quiet relaxation and reflection before speaking.   Clear your mind to where you can hear yourself breathe.

2. Feel your topic.  Remember how it can help others and how it’s helped you. Feel how others will increase by what you are going to share with them and see it happening in your mind’s eye.

3. Be grateful and happy that you have studied it, learned it and now you can teach it to others.  Have a faith that brings about a new burst of confidence.

4. Be yourself, whether dry or funny, just be who you are and speak from your heart.

5. Appreciate the opportunity to be there and openly show your appreciation to your audience.

The great disconnect is non-discriminating and it expands around the globe. This is why there are so many would-be great speakers disconnected from the abundance in their lives as well as their audiences. Without a heart connection,  the brain will have intellectual challenges because the brain is the control center that shoots your emotions into action.

It’s time for you to gain more supportive actions by moving into your heart to become the best possible speaker or presenter you can be.  If you learn to connect to your heart, it’ll change much more than just your speaking ability, it can change your life.

If you’d like tips on emotionally connecting then Subscribe to this blog to the right and you can receive free tips for personal growth and an opportunity for additional coaching and personal assistance.

PS…How about gathering tips via tele-phone with other business people anonymously asking questions about how to re-connect emotionally so they can make better business decisions?  Click Here

If you found this post helpful please Re-Tweet and comment! The more speakers we can help the better our own growth will be!

Do I “Have” To Emotionally Connect On Social Media Sites?

An individual on my Tele-Seminar calls asked:

“How do you connect with so many people on Social Media at the same time and still have relationships?”

Each of us can determine what type of relationship choices we’re going to make.  First understand that you DO have choices.

If I make this statement:  “I have to gain more followers on Twitter and Facebook or I won’t be well known among my colleagues or able to sell my products.”  Then I have already put pressure on myself to force my way into the lives of others and will end up making huge social media mistakes!

Whenever you say “I have to” do something or “I need to” do something, you remove your ability to make the choice for yourself.  Say, I “choose” to because I want to not because I have to.  Choice allows you the freedom to feel more empowered.  Even the creator gave us the freedom of choice – so give yourself permission to choose!

In my own social media circles I choose to reach out to everyone as though they were my closest friends.  Does that mean I am close friends to all of them?  No, it’s not possible when I have thousands of followers between  Twitter, Facebook, LinkedIn, and so on.  I am selective with those I choose to be close in relationship with but I still reach out to everyone in a friendly and caring way.  Those relationships that I choose to nurture I do so by staying in personal contact with.

The last thing I want to do is make all my social media connections transactional; meaning look at them as though they are only there to gain more clients or more business through.

When I first started out, because I believed what others told me about social media, I felt as you do, that it was over whelming and I couldn’t keep up.  I was also taught to promote to my followers rather than be concerned about relationships.  This will bring you conditional success.  Sustainable success is where you choose, and where you will grow.

It wasn’t until I turned my conditioning around and began bringing great value to my social media followers that I understood how  easy it was to sell because they believed in what I was doing and more to the point – so did I.

I would encourage you to do what feels right to you, but first and foremost give yourself permission to choose, (in every area of your life) and you will find the pressure of feeling like you have to do anything start to dismantle.  I’d also encourage you to bring as much value to your followers as you can.   Share quotes, find news worthy information, a great inspirational video, a link on occasion to your posts or products.

You will eventually see that you no longer have to “try” to be friends with everyone, you automatically become so when you contribute to their well being in what you say and do.

Entrepreneurs Self-defeating Moments – Tips To Getting Motivated Again

I met with a client who was experiencing what nearly all entrepreneurs do no, matter how rich or how famous they become.
The overview below are my suggested tips to help him become an Athletic Coach while working through those tough self-defeating moments. I believe these tips can help anyone no matter what they are wanting to do.

1. Create a plan – either draw it out or write it out, but without all the small details. Knowing the ‘HOW’ is not important at this moment, only knowing that there is a plan. If laying out a business plan seems daunting right now, consider how a contractor would not build a house without first having the plans in front of him to do it. What parts do you lay out first? What next? Chaos would surely ensue if the contractor tried to tell his employees how to build the house without plans to show them. Start your business with a solid plan.

2. Spend time in continual belief – praying can be continual thought, so whatever thoughts you have intend them for continual prayer. It isn’t only about bending your head and closing your eyes when you have quiet moments. God will bless you for releasing all that you think is within your own control. Remember you already have what you need within you. For now, take time to release anger, competitiveness, negative thinking, any thought of un-forgiveness, and accept that everyone is doing the best they can with what they have been given, including you. When you can keep this in your mind you will find life make more sense. Spend time on releasing every day by focusing on the healing of your heart NOT the anger, negativity, etc. Focus on what gives you peace, love, success, forward momentum, being organized, etc.

3. Allow God’s energy to flow through you – like being in a canoe flowing with the current – your head and heart will work together in harmony when you understand the flow.

4. Set your intentions – if you say, “I will do the dishes” that is an intention with great possibility of action. If you say, “I know I need to do the dishes.” You set in a thought of procrastination. Your mind will only move toward what you intend to do.

5. Establish a weekly call for accountability with other coaches, sports related entrepreneurs (or people you know who have similar goals) and brainstorm ideas about what each person is doing. You can do this during an hour call or meet once a week. There is a format to this and you can google ‘guideline to mastermind’ to choose what feels like a good fit for your desires. The term ‘mastermind’ mean simply a group of people who create things.

6. Lastly, when you have money to exchange hands with, that is the time to hire a coach who can bring you to the next level. For now, if you take these steps, you will bring out the best coach imaginable within yourself. No, you can’t do it alone, so get to work on finding other entrepreneurs who want accountability. They are out there and just waiting for you to ask them. Who knows, you might even find them at the gym!

If you feel this will help other entrepreneurs you know please share and comment!

Pride – How Using Humility to Replace Pride Creates a Life You Love

To create meaningful and memorable significance a person would first and foremost need a connection between their head and their heart. I am not a particularly religious person, but I believe that God’s spirit lives within our heart (as the Bible refers to), so to bridge the thinking brain he gave us, to the compassionate heart his spirit resides in creates a more fulfilling life; one of joy, of self control, of peace and one that the world will not necessarily understand.

I look at Jim Rohn; leading motivational speaker, philosopher & entrepreneur, who didn’t start out living intentionally. He began as an ordinary student who became a salesman and who also experienced financial failure in his early twenties. One day a girl scout showed up on his doorstep to sell him some of her girl scout cookies, but rather than make a purchase, he lied to the little girl instead. He felt so ashamed of his behavior he made a decision right then to make an internal change.

Mr. Rohn didn’t know how to start making the changes he needed, only that he knew he wanted to. Being able to admit this lie to others created humility, which also became an open door for him to speak to others who have been in a similar situation and who also wanted to make significant change.

* Egocentric Pride
* Fear
* Rebellion
* Bitterness

These human weaknesses can prevent us from being transparent, which is also what prevents us from being significant and productive. In taking a step out of our ‘comfort zone’ to admit we are human, and that we want to change, really ’sings’ to the heart of other people who can relate and it propels us forward into wanting to make a difference.

This becomes a living testimony to show anyone who feels they can’t change, that it IS possible and you can help them through it by your words of support, your actions of encouragement and by truly being a living example.

Those who live as an example of humility will become someone of great significance to others. Who are some of the people in YOUR life that have been an example of a living testimony for you? Please share your comments below.

Entreprenuers – 11 Principles To Live By

Entrepreneurs that practice attitudes of love typically flourish in every aspect of their lives, including finances. The more families focus on these important principles the more they’ll benefit by them.

There is another saying, “What is in the heart eventually comes out of the mouth.” This is biblical truth. Negative thoughts lead to negative feelings. Negative feelings lead to negative reactions, which eventually are voiced to those closest to us.

Below are positive declarations. See if any of the negative messages after the declarations apply to you. Do you live by attitudes of love every day or do you expect others to meet your needs?

1. I HONOR YOU BY HONORING MYSELF, AND OTHERS, WITH LOVING ATTITUDES. Do I have an attitude of gratitude or one of complaining?

2. I VALUE YOUR OPINIONS EVEN WHEN THEY OPPOSE MINE. Do I force my opinions on others? Do I always have to be right? Is it “my way or the highway”?

3. I CONTINUE TO SEEK WAYS TO GROW EMOTIONALLY TO BETTER OUR RELATIONSHIP AND MY OWN HEALTH. Studies show that emotional health leads to better physical health and financial health. As a man thinketh.

4. I AM FORGIVING AND DON’T KEEP A RUNNING SCORE OF WRONG DOINGS. Does bitterness keep you locked up? Do you make a list of those who hurt you and how many times they did it?

5. I PLAN AT LEAST ONE FUN EVENT EACH MONTH AND SMALLER ONES DURING THE WEEK. Have you ever thought about how important it is to set aside 5% of your check each month just to do something fun with your family? Anthropologist and social scientist Margaret Mead presented her cultural findings to the American people stating, “children find inner joy when they are taught to work hard and play hard”. By spending quality time with children working or enjoying fun activities together (eating together, talking, playing games) that the children learned to love and value cultural history.

6. I EXERCISE TO AID IN A HEALTHY MIND AND BODY. Scientists have proven that being unhealthy leads to a short life. Find an exercise routine, even if its only 10 minutes a day. It’s a start!

7. I FIND WAYS TO COMMUNICATE WITH YOU. Communication is NOT as natural to most as it is to some. It takes work. Learn through coaching, books, internet, mentors, and keep practicing!

8. I FIND WAYS TO FEEL INSPIRED & GRATEFUL. If you live without imagination, or feeling sorry about what you don’t have, you are missing opportunities to be grateful for what you do have.

9. I SHARE PARENTAL RESPONSIBILITIES. Insist on accountability, for yourself and your family. If you don’t, then your children will see it, react to it, and learn not to obey when you want them to be accountable for something. They learn from you. Learn what accountability means to you.

10. I WILL FOCUS MY MIND ON MAKING MY SPOUSE’S LIFE EASIER. Do you wake up in the morning to ask yourself, “What would make my spouse’s life easier today?” If you are focused on your self then there will be no room for thoughts of your spouse.

11. I GIVE YOU THE FREEDOM AND SUPPORT YOU NEED TO GROW OR ENHANCE YOUR PERSONAL OR BUSINESS OPPORTUNITIES. Definition of Support = “To sustain, withstand, endure, undergo, to bear or hold up, to collaborate, advocate, to maintain.” Any questions?

If you can get your mind right, your heart will make better decisions relationally and financially. Each of the statements above hold a decision for you to make. If you regularly shy away from responsibilities, even without purposefully deciding to do so, realize you are not alone. Most of human existence has been lived in an unconscious state of mind because of the great disconnect between the head and their heart.

Is it possible to bring the badly needed connection to a conscious level? DEFINITELY…IF… you focus on what you want. A better relationship with God, family, wealth, any of it can be yours if you keep persevering and working toward your goal.

Want help for free? In the upper right of this blog you see where you can recieve your FREE Ebook plus 2 FREE Bonuses to help you work toward this goal.  If you do not see the boxes to the right (using Windows Explorer) then email me at kellie@connectingyoutobusiness.com to request your bonuses. This will automatically sign you up for any future calls or materials we offer. Blessings!

Walking Your Talk!

Nice Post Roshanna, congratulations on walking your talk.

We can sit and discourse until the cows come home but if we aren’t moving when we feel the call to act then our living isn’t living…it’s merely taking up real estate.I once asked a little boy, in a low income housing area, why he and his family wouldn’t pick up the trash all around their home. His response? “Because we’re poor.”

That says it all.  Lets stop teaching our kids to live in a POOR state of mind.  We’ll live in a poor state of mind until we  BELIEVE that we can make a difference.  It just might be one small step at a time.

Step up when no one else does;  be different than most,  do what your spirit says to do whether it makes sense to you or not, or if someone sees you or not… it has got to start with ME.

If I’m not doing it, why in the world should I expect anyone else to?

If I walk by trash without picking it up, why should that little boy sitting in front of a trashy home do it just because I think he should? Who am I to judge him if I don’t bend down and do it myself?

Even God gets shot down by those he tries to motivate because they’d rather be lazy. Inspiring people makes more sense but if you’re not living the life you’re trying to inspire – you’ll be called out eventually.

Believe your message yourself…. but more importantly live it yourself…whatever that may look like and when you do, you’ll inspire others simply by living out your message.   You won’t even have to talk about it!

Men’s Brain’s and Woman’s Brains

Mark Gunger, a very funny International Speaker, has a website called www.laughyourway.com and here is a link to a minute for marriage audio that might make you smile. http://www.laughyourway.com/better-marriage-minute/

Marks says that woman’s brains are like super highway’s. When it’s on it sounds like this: chicachicachicachica…. while it’s working, which is just about every minute of every day. We think about our kids, our friends, our spouses, what to make for dinner, whether Suzie has her homework, if it’s going to rain or snow, whether politics is something we enjoy or dismiss, etc. etc.

Every moment of every day….which means even during the romantic times guys.

Men, on the other hand, put their thoughts into compartments like little boxes. Mark says there is a box for work, one for lawn care, one for finances and kids, one for sex, and there is even one that is called…my personal favorite……the nothing box!

So ladies, what this means is, when you ask your man what he’s thinking and he says, “Nothing.” He REALLY MEANS NOTHING!

Often, he just wants to be left alone to play solitaire or watch football and seriously think about nothing.

In working with couples for the past 5 years and I can assure you, there are a good deal of men and women who would agree with this theory of the super highway and the nothing box.

So my question is… do you agree?

My Gratitude & Pain – There was a Reason For Both

There is a reason why gratitude and pain must run parallel in our lives.  If it didn’t we would not understand how to mature emotionally, spiritually or even physically.

In the early part of 2007, my whole world changed.  My partner left the company, my young nephew was killed in a boating accident and his mother, my little sister, died a few months later from cancer.  At the same time, my husband suffered from depression and was unable to keep the business afloat during my out of state trips to help the relatives.

Just when I thought things were about to turn around I slipped on black ice in December of that long year, and landed on my head.  This fall created an injury to my neck and brain.  For nearly three months I was lying on the floor, in bed, or in a chair having brain seizures.  When I wasn’t having seizures I experienced forms of stroke-like symptoms, neurological issues and severe dyslexia on and off.  The most frustrating part, however, was the inability to process intelligent adult conversations.

By June of 2008, my business had closed but the seizures were less frequent and less disruptive to my life and to my families life.

Although the first two and a half months disappeared from my memory, something wonderful happened six months after my fall.  One morning in June, I sat up in bed for the first time without pain and looked out my bedroom window.  I remember seeing a beautiful sunny day as I looked out my window.  I suddenly realized my eyes didn’t hurt from the light and I felt no pain in my head or anywhere in my body.

My heart was immediately filled with gratitude.  I wanted to jump up and run through the house telling everyone but I didn’t want to ruin the quiet moments of sheer elation so I forced myself to remain still.  I also noticed an inner peace that I hadn’t felt in years.  My head, it seemed, had finally connected to my heart because  I heard these two very simple but powerful words from inside me; “Trust me”.

Immediately I began to cry and thank God for all that I had, and all that He was going to do for me.  I thanked him for every little (and big) thing and for all the deep lessons I still needed to learn.

At the end of that song of gratitude I realized that I would not have changed a painful thing that happened in 2007.  I knew every bit of it was for my own maturity and powerful growth, in fact, as strange as this sounds I wouldn’t have had it any other way.  I finally understood how to cherish the joys of gratitude, after learning to release the pain, and I’ve made it my purpose in life to help others learn to do the same.

Since that day, something creative burst forth like sunshine behind a cloud. I’ve written and communicated in ways I never did before.  I can’t explain it, I just know it is very real and powerful.  I’ve heard this happen to others but it’s not easily explained.  I’m thankful, that’s all I know.

Do you have a story of a brain injury that happened to you or someone you know? Please share it here if you are willing to be open about it. I’d love to know how you survived it and what life is like for you now.

Five Keys for Marketing Your Book

by James Malinchak

The key to success of your book lies with marketing. In marketing, you must understand that “perception is reality.” The image you create through the perception of the public and media determine the success of your publicity. Here are few guidelines to help create a positive, marketing image for any book:

1. Belief: To create a positive perception and convince the media to publicize your book you need to believe that your idea will become successful, even if others don’t. Jack Canfield and Mark Victor Hansen, authors of “Chicken Soup for the Soul”, were turned down by many publishers who didn’t believe in their idea. But they believed in it and built it into a #1 New York Times Bestseller.

2. Enthusiasm: “Enthusiasm is contagious!” To gain public awareness and publicity you must be enthusiastic and energetic about what you promote. Tony Robbins is a great example of someone so enthusiastic about his ideas and products that millions believe in him. Thus, he receives worldwide media coverage.

3. Develop a “Hook:” To stick out in the media’s mind you need a good “hook.” Develop a creative, unique title or marketing campaign. For example, Dottie and Lilly Walters’ fabulous book title, “Speak and Grow Rich”, serves as a unique “hook” that separates their book from others on the topic of public speaking.

4. Network: In our society, who you know gets you ahead faster than anything. You never know who is influential or who knows who. In the case of the media, many reporters, radio hosts, and TV producers know others in the same field. Be kind and courteous and remember to send thank you notes to anyone who helps you. This demeanor will create a positive marketing image for you and your book.

5. Persist: If you truly have the belief in your book then don’t stop marketing, promoting and selling your idea until you reach the level of success you desire. Don’t allow rejection and obstacles to convince you to quit. Obstacles are what we see when we take our eyes off of our goals.

Speaker James Malinchak, ‘The Big Money Speaker^TM,’ is the creator of the two top-selling speaker courses, ‘How to Make BIG Money As a Speaker,’ and the ‘College Speaking Success Home Study Course.’ To learn more about his step-by-step systems and to sign up for his FREE ‘Speaker Tips’ E-zine, visit: www.MillionaireSpeakerBootCamp.com

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