Oprah Implores Parents To Understand The RED FLAGS Of Child Molesting
INSIDE THE MIND OF A CHILD ABUSER
This is no one’s favorite subject, but I found this interview to be one of the all time BEST for Oprah. She will be posting this piece on her website but keep reading to find out why it may very well be her most life altering show…
In meeting with four child molesters from different parts of the country, and currently in rehab for child molestation, Oprah is pleading with parents saying “If you can withhold judgment, and really listen to what they are saying, they will teach you how to watch out for them.”
These men, David, Derek, Lee and Robert, openly admitted their offenses. Each of them are human, each of them acted out in a sinful, deplorable manner, and yet each of them are wanting to help save other victims by opening the eyes of the parents who might listen to them.
Will you be one of those parents?
Sexual predators groom their victims. Here is what these four abusers listed as warning signs of a possible situation for grooming the future abuse:
1. Men (or women) spending more time with children than with adults, particularly at a party or gathering.
2. Men (or women) who give massages or back and foot rubs often.
3. Men (or women) who cuddle more than normal.
4. Men (or women) who listen intently to a child to build trust as they would to someone they would want to date.
I have given 5 years of my life to teach others how to connect emotionally to each other as couples, and specifically to their kids. If you understand what is being said by these men, then you will see and hear that this emotional connection can prevent your son or daughter from being a victim.
These men reportedly looked for:
1. Children who need attention and who will trust others to give it and often it’s a relative or family friend.
2. Kids who are angry at their parents and who wanted to retaliate. Kids whose parents are not emotionally connected to them.
3. Kids who would not tell on them because they wanted validation. The men all believed sex will help the child feel better about him or herself and at the same time give them companionship.
These words carry powerfully rich choices for you as parents.
Do you know if you are emotionally connected to your kids? Would you know how, or where, to start being more emotionally connected to them? Most people do not – so you are not alone. This is why I am developing programs to help assist all parents in this way.
Oprah affirmed that sexual abuse “Changes who you are.” There are very few women that I know today who haven’t been introduced to some form of sexual alteration in their life, myself included. The truth is, it isn’t who you are, but it can determine who you become if you aren’t aware of how to move beyond it.
Being afraid is not the same as being aware! Being afraid perpetuates the victim mentality. It is becoming aware, and choosing a destination from a place of logic and compassion that can bring healing. I can’t explain what this means in a short post but I know it is truth.
Dave (one of the abusers) spoke more truth in this one statement that made Oprah feel her 2-hour interview was worth the time. He said, “I killed who she (his victim) could have been. Just because she is walking around doesn’t mean she’s okay.”
As Oprah stated, “When a child is abused it kills their spirit.” This goes for both genders.
We wonder why so many kids are provocative and engaged in sexual promiscuity? Yet if we stopped to find out what happened to them in their past we would no longer wonder. Ask a serial killer why he kills and he will not be able to tell you. Ask him about his childhood and you will find unspeakable atrocities perpetrated against him as a child, only to him it was “normal”.
I say when you learn to love your child, spouse, friend, neighbor, on an emotional and spiritual level you can help lift their spirit beyond victim-hood, beyond what they know to be ‘normal’. To do this takes loving yourself both emotionally and spiritually.
I have a hero. Her family was murdered in front of her eyes and she was raped and tortured for hours at the age of 10. She is my hero because she could have chosen death from paralyzing fear and depression. Instead she has moved beyond fear without letting this situation determine who she is becoming. Her parents were emotionally connected to her before their deaths. I know this because they were good friends of mine and she is now thriving and living again.
So for all the Melissa’s in life, and for all the Oprah’s in life, and for all the Kellie’s in life, seek out ways to be a hero for yourself no matter how old you are. Tell someone if you are facing an abusive situation or have lived with victimization, but more than that we want you to understand something and to say it aloud as often as you need to until you believe it: “IT WAS NOT MY FAULT.”
Please comment and share on Twitter or Facebook so we can encourage all parents to be aware of the importance of being emotionally connected to their kids.
Will you also please visit this site and let me know if you are interested in knowing how to become more connected to your own kids on an emotional and spiritual level?
- 1 in 4 girls is sexually abused before the age of 18. ACE Study – Prevalence – Adverse Childhood Experiences
- 1 in 6 boys is sexually abused before the age of 18. ACE Study – Prevalence – Adverse Childhood Experiences
- 1 in 5 children are solicited sexually while on the internet. Finkelhor, D., Mitchell, K., & Wolak, J. (2001, March). Highlights of the youth internet safety survey. US Department of Justice, Office of Justice Programs, Office of Juvenile Justice and Delinquency Prevention.
- Nearly 70% of all reported sexual assaults (including assaults on adults) occur to children ages 17 and under. Snyder, H N. (2000). Sexual assault of young children as reported to law enforcement: Victim, incident, and offender characteristics. National Center for Juvenile Justice, U.S. Department of Justice
Public Speaking Tips That Make A Lasting Connection
Have you been taught that speaking intellectually is all that is needed while presenting to your audience? We’ve all heard a number of people who are not connected to their hearts while speaking, and sadly, the great disconnect happens. If you are a speaker who is “disconnected” this will be evident to your audience as well.
Here are some questions to determine how well you hold the attention of your audience as a public speaker.
1. When you take a break do people applaud your return in a rousing way?
2. Are audience members drawn to you during breaks or after you are done speaking?
3. How many of them want to become your student, client or member after your presentation?
4. How many calls do you receive to do another presentation or to tell you how much they enjoyed your presentation?
If you are connected to your heart, you will be connected to your audience. If you are connected to your audience, they will be connected to you.
Below are ways in which you can take time to connect to your heart before you present.
1. Spend time in quiet relaxation and reflection before speaking. Clear your mind to where you can hear yourself breathe.
2. Feel your topic. Remember how it can help others and how it’s helped you. Feel how others will increase by what you are going to share with them and see it happening in your mind’s eye.
3. Be grateful and happy that you have studied it, learned it and now you can teach it to others. Have a faith that brings about a new burst of confidence.
4. Be yourself, whether dry or funny, just be who you are and speak from your heart.
5. Appreciate the opportunity to be there and openly show your appreciation to your audience.
The great disconnect is non-discriminating and it expands around the globe. This is why there are so many would-be great speakers disconnected from the abundance in their lives as well as their audiences. Without a heart connection, the brain will have intellectual challenges because the brain is the control center that shoots your emotions into action.
It’s time for you to gain more supportive actions by moving into your heart to become the best possible speaker or presenter you can be. If you learn to connect to your heart, it’ll change much more than just your speaking ability, it can change your life.
If you’d like tips on emotionally connecting then Subscribe to this blog to the right and you can receive free tips for personal growth and an opportunity for additional coaching and personal assistance.
PS…How about gathering tips via tele-phone with other business people anonymously asking questions about how to re-connect emotionally so they can make better business decisions? Click Here
If you found this post helpful please Re-Tweet and comment! The more speakers we can help the better our own growth will be!
How To Connect With Leaders Who Will Inspire You Both Emotionally & Spiritually
I am a Tele-Seminarian, which simply means that I teach ‘one on many’ over the telephone every month. It also means I interview leaders from all over the world by phone, or via Skype, record the calls and play them for my community. Through my ASK page I receive many questions like;
“How do I connect with leaders who will inspire me both emotionally and spiritually?”
It’s important to understand that not everyone is going to believe the same things you do and accepting that will help you in your quest to find great leaders to learn from. You will not grow emotionally or spiritually if you close the door of your heart just because someone doesn’t believe the same as you.
Let me give you a good example of this. I have a mentor named Alex Mandossian. Alex is one of the most highly sought after, and brilliant, instructors in the field of tele-seminars. He not only teaches people how to make a living by using your voice, he also teaches both emotional and spiritual growth in his lessons.
Alex was doing a call to promote his upcoming course. At that time in my life I felt anyone promoting anything to me was a sheer waste of time and I was not interested. A friend told me about his call one night so I got on but I didn’t stay on very long. I enjoyed listening to Alex talk and he had inspiring ideas but the minute he started talking about his course, I hung up because I didn’t want hear a sales pitch on the telephone.
When I spoke to my friend the very next day, she asked me what I thought of the call. I explained that I hung up before he got to the sales pitch.
She said, “Hmmm…you know Kellie, sometimes the things we don’t want to hear are the very same things we must hear. Maybe if you just gave him a chance you might find out that it’s something there that could change your life.”
Not wanting her to be right, because my ego had gotten in the way, I told her I would give Alex another chance but that I had no intention of buying into his program.
Little did I know, I would, I did… and it did indeed change my life, but it wasn’t Alex or his course that changed my life, it was me making the choice to take a risk and do something I believed and felt that I could do.
I don’t do teleseminars the same way Alex does because we have different businesses, but I have learned from the best and I’ve made it my own.
So I hope that helps you to understand that there are people out there who can and will inspire you, on line, at BNI meetings, at luncheons, on talk shows, on radio, in fact there are more free interviews on line right now than any other time in history.
I’d suggest you go on youtube and type in the words, INSPIRATIONAL SPEECHES and you’ll find names like Jim Rohn, Les Brown, Randy Pausch, to name a few.
There are people from all over the world who want to contribute to your growth and provide you with value just like I do. My intention is that you learn to leave your own legacy by uplifting others in your own way. Listen to that still small voice within and you will connect both logic with compassion, gain wisdom and knowledge, and learn to share with others in a way that is fulfilling.
Don’t forget to join our Connecting Community and receive your gift to the right. By doing so you can find out the latest information about our up coming tele-seminar calls where you will hear fabulous leaders who strive to keep you inspired and moving forward.
Have You Wondered What Your Government Is Doing To Help Haiti?
My son Brady is a Staff Sargent in the United States Air Force. In this photo he is doing what he loves, and when I think of him I hear his well-written music in my mind, so this image is one of my favorites.
Brady has fought in Iraq and has seen things you and I wouldn’t want to even dream about. War takes it’s tole on everyone, but it has not taken away the very big heart he has had since he was quite young.
There have been many times where I wish I could go back and raise my kids all over again, and correct the many mistakes I made as a parent, but then I realize that if I did that then Brady wouldn’t be who he is today and leading in such amazing ways.
He was recently sent to Haiti on a mission to assist Haitians recover during the aftermath of the earthquake. Below is a story of his first flight there. I asked him if I could share his experience with my readers and he agreed. I have one request; please donate wherever you can and whenever you can to help this mission. Haiti will need help for a very, very long time.
To my son…You are a leader. I love you very much.
What I do for Haiti, and for Myself…
Flying in to Port Au Prince was like flying into a war zone. Mass devastation, yet the local grounds and natural land formations seemed untouched.
As we got closer to touching down, they warned us that it was going to be an abrupt stop. That was an understatement. The rear of the plane hit the tarmack with the smoothest of ease…but as the wheels began to grip, the front end slammed into the ground. The pilot hit those breaks with what seemed like every ounce of strength he had. You could smell the rubber coming off the wheels as we roared down the runway. He threw on the reverse thrusters, improving our stopping power even more.
Ever been shot out of a cannon into a brick wall? Me either, but I bet it was pretty close to this. As the flying barge quickly (and thankfully) lost momentum, the pilot came over the loud speaker saying he was sorry for the quick stop but he was afraid he would run off the runway…(what a great feeling of security).
During the whole ordeal, I heard the faint whisper of a stewardess in my mind “contents may have shifted during flight…” 
Everything was everywhere…nearly losing 6 pallets of high stacked water and 4 pallets of food to what would have been a watery mess in the belly of the aircraft. I had to gather my belongings up, which had become UFOs during the landing, from the front of the giant open bay.
As we FINALLY came to a stop, engines still blaring, we dropped the aft-hatch of the Globemaster. What we saw were things I’ve only seen in movies before…people sitting/laying everywhere. Helos taking off and landing in any open spot on the fields adjacent to the runway and taxiways, crews rushing to meet the injured people on the ground. Planes of all types and other Helos flying overhead in search of others need aid…there seemed to be absolute mass caos. I swallowed hard and stepped off the plane.
I was met by a thousand staring faces. They all seemed to have the same questioning look of ‘what were we doing there’ and ‘do we have any food?’ Most seemed to be worried about being able to leave the country while others pointed to the food and water now being offloaded from the rear of the plane.
It took all of about 2 seconds before I noticed all the cameras…CNN and other world news agencies feverishly working to capture the pain and anguish of the Haitian peoples faces…it killed me. No hesitation…no common courtesy or decency to leave the people be…just cameras all up in their pain and suffering…inches away from their faces. What happened to being here to help? It seemed as though they were there more for the story and a shot at getting that ‘network’ position. As I stood guard at the front door of the plane, I counted the cameras I could see…97 cameras in a 150 ft gap…INSANE!!! I just don’t get it sometimes…
I stood guard outside for the AC for a little over an hour…engines still roaring…until it was time to board. Watching those lucky few faces shine, as though they won the lottery, climb onto the plane was one of the best rewards i could have asked for. It wasn’t the same as rebuilding their house or church, or bringing their animals back to life, but it sure was a close damn second. I didn’t really know what to expect when I volunteered for these missions but I sure figured out why real quick.
As we taxied out to the runway, there was a rabid excitement in the childrens faces. For some, it was their first plane ride…ever…for others, it was the last time they’d ever see the place they called home. At any rate, they were smiling.
Once we were airborn, we handed out the little bit of food and water we had on board…can you imagine…being so hungry and thirsty and the first real sustinance you get is a variety of cookies and powerade…nice. What a ‘Welcome to America’ showing…lol! Needless to say, the kids were STILL smiling.
The sides of the plane were the only seats available, as seen in this picture. These people are all on the floor. We took as many as we could fit.
They gathered up any and every little thing they could possibly find. The Haitians were apprehensive at first but eased their nerves when they saw more food waiting for them just off the back end of the plane. I carried an orphan out and put him down next to one of the female agents. As soon as his feet hit the ground, he squeezed my neck with all his might and took off running towards the food line.
The trip had come full circle for me. What transformed from an early wake-up and just another mission, turned out to be one of the greatest days of my life. I’m honored to do the work I do. I’m honored to have to opportunity…I love being an American.
Have a great day everybody. I hope this provides a little hope for you for our nation and for the world.
Feel free to comment and share.
Head – Heart Connections Reveal Far More Than You May Have Thought
With my previous post regarding generational issues I received more emails than you can imagine! That post really struck a nerve. Here is something important to remember. Everyone on earth does the best they can with what they’ve been given, but there is so much more to still achieve no matter who you are or what you’ve been through in life.
Our logical mind can honor a connection in our hearts if we understand how the emotions (and the magnetic fields of the earth) play a role in your life. Whether you are male or female, this applies to all of us. We all feel emotions and it is a false assumption to believe that there is no connection between the head and heart.
Human emotions are now being documented scientifically. Scientists are beginning to see that our emotions send out vibrations that can even reach satellites in the earth’s atmosphere. Not every human has to be aware of the conscious benefit of this magnetic field to receive the benefits of it.
In September of 2001 there was one satellite positioned in the northern hemisphere and one in the southern hemisphere. Scientists began to read some ‘off the chart’ spikes in the data from the satellites. They over layed the data on to a calender and realized that one spike hit 15 minutes after the first aircraft hit the first tower on September 11th. Imagine how many human emotions were being expressed all around the world on that particular day?
Our cognitive abilities are all linked. The language between our heart and our brain; such as gratitude, forgiveness, compassion and love; send out a host of magnetic fields that bring harmony into the atmosphere.
Think about how you feel toward someone who has hurt you and there you will find sorrow. If you dwell on that sorrow you will find hurt, then anger. Before you even realize it everyone around you is feeling the negativity that you are giving off. Ever noticed how someone in a bad mood can create a negative atmosphere for others in the room?
The bottom line is, whether you believe any of this is true for you or not, we can CHOOSE to learn so much more along life’s journey if we want to. We’re all capable of it, but how many of us actually believe it?
To further peek interest in magnetic fields check out this video of Gregg Braden’s and feel free to comment here and share your thoughts about this post before you go. http://www.bluesaltwater.com/stephendevol/?p=57
Parental Anger is Often Created By Generations of Anger
It is said that generation after generation the sins of the fathers are passed down. This is true for every generation, every race and every gender unless you make a choice to stop it.
For years I felt frustration rise from somewhere very deep. I would go outside my house, when I knew everyone inside was preoccupied, and let out a scream that would echo through the valley. Why? It was my way of releasing the pent up anger. Where did it come from? What was the root cause? I had no idea, I only knew how great it would feel to scream with no one else around, and I remember doing it from the time I was quite young.
My pare
nt’s were angry, their parents were angry and their parents before them were angry. It’s what I learned, how I was taught to engage in life, to deal with stress, to fuss when people weren’t listening to what I had to say.
I thought about anger management classes now and then, but I would compare myself to my husband and I eventually say, “Well I’m not nearly as bad tempered as he is.” and choose not to get help for myself.
The interesting thing about anger management is that you are taught to ‘manage’ the anger going on inside, when in reality, the anger is still managing you for as long as you hold on to it. You can’t run from it, or hide from it, or let someone else borrow it for a while. The way I see it is that you can only face it, pass it on to your children, or release it forever. I had no idea how to release it back then, I only knew I wanted to.
One day when I went out side for yet another scream session and I heard birds singing, cars passing by, dogs barking and life seemed to be normal. In that moment I realized my anger didn’t affect anything outside that wasn’t human and that thought made me think deeper.
“If I did this in my house my family would be greatly affected. The entire atmosphere would change, everyone would walk on egg shells wondering if I was going to implode, and they would even mirror back with some of their own anger.”
Then I asked myself, “Where is this anger directed? Who am I angry at?” I took a moment to think, and to respond. It was upward, directed toward God for allowing my pain, toward myself for not being strong enough to handle it, toward my husband who had an intolerable temperament, toward my father-in-law who also had a bad temper. It was toward my Dad who lived in a state of anger his entire life, toward my mom who decided to remain in her angry bitter state toward my Dad, so on and so on.
Something bigger had begun to formulate in my mind. It was an image of my young son’s playing sweetly and who then got angry when something didn’t go right… and it suddenly hit me. This is a generational issue!
“What a terrible way to live!” I shouted. From that moment I knew something had to change. I couldn’t influence anyone else unless I could be certain I could muster the courage to eliminate the problem for myself.
It took several months to figure out what I didn’t want those many years ago, and it took just as long to figure out what I did want and go after it. Freedom from generational anger.
Generational issues, or sins, affects everyone. We all have parents, and grandparents, who had something to deal with at one time or another. Drinking, living in fear, screaming, cursing, being hypocritical, holding on to bitterness or rebellion, pornographic issues, worrying, anxiety, you name it – your parents likely dealt with it – their parents before them – and now you.
If you realize you are teaching your children generational issues it’s time to stop before they have their own children. You can choose to eliminate anger (or whatever it is you deal with) so your life can be much richer, and relationships can be much more fulfilling. There is a way and understanding that your choices, or intentions, can set you on a course toward freedom is key, at least it was for me and the thousands I’ve shared with in my programs and speaking engagements.
It’s time to STOP generational issues from spreading, but it all starts with you.
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If you need more inspiration before you can take action I’d encourage you to sign up to hear my free tele-seminar calls http://www.askfromtheheart.com with wonderfully inspiring people. There is nothing you are obligated to do or buy. I hold seminars, over the phone that you can listen to in your pajamas. Sign up now and enjoy inspiring discussions so you too can learn to take action.
Entrepreneurs Self-defeating Moments – Tips To Getting Motivated Again
I met with a client who was experiencing what nearly all entrepreneurs do no, matter how rich or how famous they become.
The overview below are my suggested tips to help him become an Athletic Coach while working through those tough self-defeating moments. I believe these tips can help anyone no matter what they are wanting to do.
1. Create a plan – either draw it out or write it out, but without all the small details. Knowing the ‘HOW’ is not important at this moment, only knowing that there is a plan. If laying out a business plan seems daunting right now, consider how a contractor would not build a house without first having the plans in front of him to do it. What parts do you lay out first? What next? Chaos would surely ensue if the contractor tried to tell his employees how to build the house without plans to show them. Start your business with a solid plan.
2. Spend time in continual belief – praying can be continual thought, so whatever thoughts you have intend them for continual prayer. It isn’t only about bending your head and closing your eyes when you have quiet moments. God will bless you for releasing all that you think is within your own control. Remember you already have what you need within you. For now, take time to release anger, competitiveness, negative thinking, any thought of un-forgiveness, and accept that everyone is doing the best they can with what they have been given, including you. When you can keep this in your mind you will find life make more sense. Spend time on releasing every day by focusing on the healing of your heart NOT the anger, negativity, etc. Focus on what gives you peace, love, success, forward momentum, being organized, etc.
3. Allow God’s energy to flow through you – like being in a canoe flowing with the current – your head and heart will work together in harmony when you understand the flow.
4. Set your intentions – if you say, “I will do the dishes” that is an intention with great possibility of action. If you say, “I know I need to do the dishes.” You set in a thought of procrastination. Your mind will only move toward what you intend to do.
5. Establish a weekly call for accountability with other coaches, sports related entrepreneurs (or people you know who have similar goals) and brainstorm ideas about what each person is doing. You can do this during an hour call or meet once a week. There is a format to this and you can google ‘guideline to mastermind’ to choose what feels like a good fit for your desires. The term ‘mastermind’ mean simply a group of people who create things.
6. Lastly, when you have money to exchange hands with, that is the time to hire a coach who can bring you to the next level. For now, if you take these steps, you will bring out the best coach imaginable within yourself. No, you can’t do it alone, so get to work on finding other entrepreneurs who want accountability. They are out there and just waiting for you to ask them. Who knows, you might even find them at the gym!
If you feel this will help other entrepreneurs you know please share and comment!
Teleseminars
LCF
Lead With Love And Remarkable Things Will Happen
Our teenage daughter, had taken a journey to Honduras to volunteer in an orphanage to teach the young leadership skills while sharing hugs of plenty. Her desire to go to Honduras came from knowing many of the kids at the orphanage since I had made a trip there myself 9 years ago. We remained in contact with the kids throughout the years. Something happened there that has changed her life permanently.
A bit of background: My daughter is home schooled and her desk is in the same office where my husband and I run our companies. She has learned useful life skills in leadership and many other advantageous opportunities while she keeps up her academics. She believes her greatest advantage is our one-on-one interaction, and making time for one another during the day, that otherwise might not happen in a school setting.
My daughter is a remarkable person at the young age of 15 and I say that with humility. One thing I’ve learned as a parent is that when kids begin to listen to their heart they will develop their purpose in life and the outcome is one in which we parents cannot take credit for.
One evening she was walking with two other volunteers back to the orphanage and a 10-yr-old little girl. Four men pulled up next to them in a vehicle and stopped. Two men quickly jumped out of the back seat while the driver held a large gun pointed at my daughter and the boy. She lifted her hands in the air while one man grabbed the boy’s back pack off his arm and walked behind the small group. She thought the man had put his hand on the little girl’s shoulder so my daughter instinctively dropped her arm and pulled the little girl behind her. Her only thought was to protect; so she step in front of her to block the view from the man with the gun.
Just then they heard other voices coming from down the road, which made the men nervous enough to quickly get back in their vehicle and take off. The group was left in shock and immediately said a prayer of gratitude before continuing on their way back to the children’s home.
There will always be a “what if” factor in this story because we don’t know what would have happened had the men not been scared off by others entering the scene, but one very profound thing stood out to me. To instinctively step into harms way to protect the little girl tells me my daughter has developed an attitude of love; a willingness to risk your own life to save someone else’s.
I believe that every child has remarkable potential to grow into leadership but they must experience love in order to act on it. Why do I say love? Have you ever tried to lead without love? What was the result? Pure obedience, no thoughts culminating or questions brewing. No space for creative thinking, no possibilities of dreams, or strengthening the potential of those dreams, and ending with a very limited capacity to lead.
If love leads first, every character trait shown will be magnified through dignity, nobility, honor, and perseverance. Who wouldn’t want to follow a leader such as that?
I admire my daughter’s courage to do what she felt was right even if it meant taking a risk. We will never know our greatest strength until we have experienced moment’s of taking our greatest risks.
