When Your Income Remains The Same – What to Do to Increase It – Success Pillar Nine
For years I wondered why I made more money, and had more promotions, than many of my co-workers and associates. I did not believe this was not an arrogant thought, it was just a very curious thing to me that made me wonder. I knew I wasn’t smarter, friendlier, more efficient or more talented than they were, I simply wondered how did it happen?
I once took a position as Assistant to the Vice President of a University and felt amazingly blessed to be there. While having lunch with some of my co-workers one afternoon I was asked how I got the position. Before I could answer, one of my friends piped in and said, “She does the little things very well and asks for more when she’s done, it’s just that simple!”
I was surprised, and SO thankful that she jumped in with such a wonderful response, because I was about to say “I knew the secretary to the president very well.” That was a turning point for me. I saw how much of an impact her answer on our other co-workers and realized, she is right, I did do those things.
This is the reason I write books like Vision~Power~Action – Your Bluprint to Sustainable Success, and why Jim Rohn and Chris Widener write books like Twelve Pillars. They change lives.
Pillar Nine:
Your Income Will Seldom Succeed Your Personal Development
I’d like to share one example of those ‘detailed things’ my friend mentioned in hopes that you’ll find a take-away from this post that is easily applicable to your own life.
There was a phone system at the university that was high tech in its day but the directions to use it were horribly challenging to read. My co-worker in the next cubicle was an older person and I helped her to figure it out almost on a daily basis. I didn’t mind it, but it meant stopping what I was doing each time to assist her. I thought about how my ‘helping’ her was actually keeping her from learning on her own and I didn’t want her to be dependent on me. I heard these words in my heart…
When you can figure out a way to teach people to fish rather than supply the fish on a long term basis you will teach them to live with greater human dignity, not just look for the handout.
I stayed after work one night to completely figure out the system so I could type up short cuts that would be much simpler for her to use, and perhaps would save us both time. When I was done I looked at what I had made and thought it was good. I recall wondering if that is how God felt after creating the entire world.
The next day I handed the instructions to my friend who said. ”I can’t believe you did that for me.”
She told our co-workers and eventually others began to ask for the short cuts as well. I found myself handing them out to the 6 secretaries on that floor. They were so impressed that it was eventually printed in the back of the university directory for the entire university and the following month and I was asked to give a workshop on the Meridian Mail system to teach the university employees. I was given a raise shortly thereafter.
This ‘system’ if you will, of giving to others has served me very well, and it will you to when you figure out that we are here to share Vision, Power and Action with one another every day of our lives.
Jim Rohn and Chris Widener wrote a simple book on understanding simple concepts and I think out of all of the pillars this is my favorite.
I made more wealthy friends in this past year than I have ever known in my entire life, and not a single one of them are wealthy for the sake of money. They are wealthy because of what that wealth allows them to accomplish with their lives. They realize money doesn’t make them problem free or able to live without discomfort or disease. They realize there is no security in money and that it could disappear over night. It didn’t take long for them to understand that money does NOT make the world go round.
My friends are influential because they did what I did in that story above, they created something out of nothing, gave it away to those who needed it for free, and eventually got paid for doing it.
What I learned from my own experience back then was that it wasn’t the raise that created the joy inside me, although it was a nice side benefit, it was the confidence it gave me to do the same thing again and again.
Read this quote from one of the most influential speakers Jim Rohn from his book “Twelve Pillars” on pg.89
“After you become a millionaire, you can give it all away because what’s important is not the million dollars; what’s important is the person you have to become in the process of becoming a millionaire.” Jim Rohn
You don’t have to give it all away. The point he was making is that you could if you wanted to, because you know how to get it all back again.
So here it is – (drum roll please)
- Find a need
- create the solution to fill the need
- give it away for free
- and you will eventually be compensated for your efforts.
That’s it! Does it take more than just staying after work for one night simplifying something complicated? Sure! It might, but the key is to find the need you are to fill. It’s important to have a vision of what you want to accomplish to fill the need of course and my VPA Radio Show may help with that every Friday evenings at 7pm EST. Just log into http://motivational-radio.com and you’ll keep your personal development growing.
Thank you for dropping by. I appreciate you so much! Do comment and retweet if you feel this post was helpful. If you want to read the previous Success Pillars see below.
Abundant Blessings,
| Kellie Frazier is a Wife and Mother, a Radio Show Host on Motivational Radio, an Author and Speaker of Vision~Power~Action, and a Tele-Seminarian with a passion to make a difference in the lives of others. She teaches visionaries how to connect to their dreams, find inner strength in God, and motivate themselves toward action. If you would like to get her Connecting Secrets Package plus her 5-day Interview Series of "Leaders who Know How to Connect" delivered to your email inbox for FREE, simply fill in your name and email address in the boxes to the right --> |
Good Communication Helps You Influence Others Through Listening – Success Pillar Ten
We all know good communication is a vital part of life if we want to get along with our mates, our partners, our children, our boss or employees… but how many of us do it really well?
Isn’t it true that, in general, people listen long enough to think their own thoughts then wait for the person to finish so they can interject those thoughts into the conversation? You know you’ve done it before, or maybe still do…me to.
Its for reasons like these that personal development is so important and why books like the Twelve Pillars by Jim Rohn and Chris Widener are so important. We all need to grow, but I didn’t always feel that way.
Success Pillar 10:
All communication brings the common ground of understanding.
The year was 2002 and Steven Covey seminars were inspiring people all across America just as they still do today. My supervisor, Dr. Wayne Perry, Director of Physical Therapy at Andrews University, is one of those people who enjoy seeing others grow in personal development, so he hired a man named Dr. George Soper, Senior Vice President of Memorial Hospital in IN, to come to our work place and teach his staff the 7 Habits of Highly Effective People.
At first I was bored. Dr. Soper was great, but I was so disinterested in personal development at that time that he needed to strike a chord in order to get my attention. When he did, I sat straight up. I listened intently as he told us stories about how the skill of listening, and the skill of understanding, impacted his life.
It was as if I were hearing new information for the very first time. In reality I’d probably heard it many times before but not in story format, which for most is an easier way to learn. Nor were these concepts exampled on a consistent basis by anyone I knew to fully grasp the concept for myself.
By the time he was done talking I knew I wanted to practice the art of listening, and understanding, on my oldest teenage son, whom at the time had started to rebel. It wasn’t like him and I wanted to understand why. Dr. Soper’s techniques seemed easy enough to try so the next day I invited my son to lunch. After eating quickly I physically put my finger over my mouth to hold it shut, just to remind myself that I was there to listen and understand only. I wanted to see if this really worked.
It found it extremely challenging. I wanted to the do the parenting ‘norm’ and say things like, “You did what?!” “You said what to your teacher?!” “Well no wonder your grades are lower than they should be!” etc. etc. My will was in a constant battle to over-rule my mind much, less my try to keep my tongue still. I was beginning to see how damaging my personal beliefs had been about parenting kids with critical words.
“No wonder this poor kid feels rebellious. Just look at how many times you’ve wanted to correct his behavior during the last 10 minutes!” I thought.
To anyone who has ever done this I want you to know that it is NEVER TOO LATE to make changes in your behavior to turn around any relationship.
I remained with my finger over my mouth, determined to listen and to understand… and understand I did. I saw his pain, his desire to want to do well in school, to have better relationships with his family and to live a life where he could feel happier about himself rather than be corrected every 10 minutes.
My silence worked so well that it changed my life right there. I also worried my son greatly.
He stopped in mid sentence, as if to realize he was the only one talking. “Mom, are you okay? You haven’t said a word the entire time. You just sat there and listened. What’s wrong?”
I laughed out loud. My son had no idea what was going through my mind or heart at that moment. I wanted to throw my arms around him and dance a mini jig at him affirming what I had done, but I just smiled and told him, “I’m really good. I really enjoyed our talk.”
I left the restaurant with several thoughts and feelings going all different directions, one of which was “I did it Dr. Soper! You were so right!”
So here are a few tips on how to be a good listener and not an interrupter:
- When you want someone to understand you – say to them – “Please tell me how you see this situation”
- When you want to be heard you say, “I’ll listen to you first, then I’d like to share how how I see it.”
- Get clarification – “Is this what you are saying….?”
- Affirm – “I think I understand you felt….?” use emotions like happy, sad, hurt, frustrated
- Your side of the story – “From my perspective it seemed….” gently share your perspective and feelings
These tips are extremely helpful if you can consistently apply them in your life. Focus on them and they will expand your relationships in ways you can’t imagine and remember it’s never too late to listen or to understand.
Thank you Dr. Soper, Dr. Perry and Dr. Covey for teaching me how to be a more highly effective parent and person. I continue to teach the skills I’ve learned from you and if you ever want me to speak to your students about seeing their purpose or Vision, accepting the Power they have within them to accomplish it, and to take action on what they learn, let me know. 
Thank you for reading this article. I appreciate you so much! Please leave a comment below if you can relate to this post, and retweet if you found it helpful in any way. Previous pillars are listed here:
Abundant Blessings,
| Kellie Frazier is a Wife and Mother, a Radio Show Host on Motivational Radio, an Author and Speaker of Vision~Power~Action, and a Tele-Seminarian with a passion to make a difference in the lives of others. She teaches visionaries how to connect to their dreams, find inner strength in God, and motivate themselves toward action. If you would like to get her Connecting Secrets Package plus her 5-day Interview Series of "Leaders who Know How to Connect" delivered to your email inbox for FREE, simply fill in your name and email address in the boxes to the right --> |
How to Surround Yourself with People Who Understand Vision~Power~Action – Pillar Six
Today’s Pillar is very important to understand.
Pillar Six – Surround yourself with people who exhibit and live consistent to the values and skills you want to acquire and develop.
Perhaps you feel its hard to find others who believe the same way you do? I understand, but it’s really not as hard as you might think.
While my husband and I raised our son’s years back we did most of it unconsciously just like our parents did. We allowed our boys to watch an abundance of television, hang out with the neighborhood kids, drag them to church, not really contributing to the lives of others (unless we made them volunteer somewhere).
We believed as our parents did that we were doing well in our parenting methods as long as our kids weren’t breaking the law or offending people. I often wonder what percentage of parents believe that to be true as well.
When each of our sons turned 18 within a few years of each other, I noticed that it wasn’t what we taught them that hurt them, but what we didn’t teach them that hurt them the most.
For example, we didn’t teach them;
- how to have a clear vision for their lives
- how to remain positive or to have self control over their own thoughts
- how to invest in themselves
- how to control their finances; like setting up different accounts for necessities, giving, saving, long term spending and financial freedom accounts. We did however teach them to use a check book and a credit card like most parents do.
- how to surround themselves with people who are encourager’s and visionaries
- how to be people of action who could be go-givers
- we didn’t teach them to understand their own internal power or know how to use it
Don’t get me wrong, I cherish my sons who are very intelligent, loving, hard working, married to wonderful women and they are doing extremely well considering. We (and they) understand that we did the best we could with what we had at the time so this isn’t about beating myself up.
I know too that they will learn as I have, and as you have over the years, through their experiences and grow from them. Or they might choose not to grow from them, but either way it is their choice.
I’ll never forget lying in bed staring up at the ceiling saying to my husband, “Jon, we didn’t teach the boys how to live, we taught them how to survive.”
He replied, “Yeah, and what’s wrong with that?”
Jon was very good at surviving and very proud of it. We were both use to surviving and although I once admired him for his great survival mentality and instincts, I saw at that moment how limiting it really was.
I said, “Nothing if that is all you want to do, but I think we are meant to do more than just survive in life.”
As he fell asleep, I quietly made a choice to find out how to be a better example, have better relationships, be a better person for the sake of our little girl who was then six, and for my own sake.
Jim Rohn and Chris Widener talked about Pillar Six being vital to your health and well-being, but without seeing the truth in that statement you may never understand how important it is. Here are a few questions they suggested to ask yourself:
- Who am I around?
- What kind of effect are they having on me or my life?
- What do I read when I’m around them?
- What do I watch when I’m around them?
- What do I listen to when I am around them.
What I began to learn was that God gave us nature in all it’s grandeur and there was such awesome nobility in it to learn from. If we took enough time to watch it there are enough lessons in it to consume our every waking moment. I knew also that true nobility is not about being a better man than others, but about being a better man than you use to be and when you discover each moment of this new life you feel something shift. Something awakens inside of you that cannot be explained but you want to share it.
Associating with people now, right where you are, who can uplift you and encourage you to be a better man or woman than you use to be is VITAL to our very nature.
It isn’t going to help your today or tomorrow if you hang out with people who are ‘surviving’ and do you know why? You will not be challenged to be a better person, to grow in character and strength. Fortunately for me, my husband saw that changes were needed over time and wanted to find those changes for himself as well.
That’s what it means to increase the life of another human being. To learn how and to give back, and to teach others to do the same. If you want to have vision, to understand your internal power and learn to take incredible action in peace, then you may have to start finding other friends to learn and grow with and spend more time listening to your internal silence. Especially while you’re in nature.
Don’t like being challenged in this way? I can relate… but it is what it will make of you to do so that you can look forward to.
Elizabeth Ross said, “If you shield the mountain from the windstorms you will never see the carvings of your life.”
No matter what you go through be grateful for it as it adds to the beauty of your life, and remember to share it with others. Associate with those whom you’d want to share you pain and joy with AND who can challenge you to grow beyond it.
I appreciate you so much. To thank you for visiting my page I would like to send you a free gift of Connecting Secrets up in the right-hand corner. Just watch the video and it will explain. As always feel free to re-tweet and comment below and if you missed any of the previous pillars but you’d like to catch up here they are:
Abundant Blessings,
| Kellie Frazier is a Wife and Mother, a Radio Show Host on Motivational Radio, an Author and Speaker of Vision~Power~Action, and a Tele-Seminarian with a passion to make a difference in the lives of others. She teaches visionaries how to connect to their dreams, find inner strength in God, and motivate themselves toward action. If you would like to get her Connecting Secrets Package plus her 5-day Interview Series of "Leaders who Know How to Connect" delivered to your email inbox for FREE, simply fill in your name and email address in the boxes to the right --> |
Lady Antebellum Touches Hearts – Do You Do More Than Just Pass Through Life?
Something very interesting happened today that brought back a memory where my husband honored my son. I’ll tell you about that in a moment, but first, someone took me by surprise today when they sent me a link to the youtube video you see below. They suggested I make it my “Theme Song” in my business. My ‘Theme Song’?
- I’ve never thought about having a theme song for my business of Connecting – have you?
- I’ve never heard from this person before but I was humbled that they even thought of me
- How could she possibly have known that this is my ‘all time favorite’ music group? Lady Antebellum
- I’ve never heard this particular song before when I thought I’d heard every song they’ve ever done!
This trio called, Lady Antebellum is a contemporary country music group! Take a listen to the words they sing for just a few minutes whether or not you like that genre. Powerful stuff.
“Wanting to do something that matters” “Say something different with the time I have left” “Do something to touch a few hearts in this life.“
These statements certainly resonate with me so I really appreciated the thought and viewed it as an honor.
I’m going to share something that my husband, Jon, did years ago for our son that really connected these words for me about the type of inspiring impact we can all have on someone’s life by honoring them.
More than 10 years ago we owned a 19’ Glass Ply boat with a Cuddy Cabin, (similar to the one in the link provided) and my husband enjoyed ocean fishing in it for a few years. For those who know how much boats cost, it was no small purchase.
The boat was good for off shore ocean fishing, which is his number one hobby, but after a move across the country and nearer to the great lakes of Michigan it no longer fit the lakes, nor the family.
We talked about how much the boys would enjoy learning to water ski so he decided he would put the fishing boat up for sale.
Our middle son asked his Dad how much he was going to sell the boat for, and in Jon’s usual, often sarcastic manner back then, he replied, “A hundred bucks.”
The thought entered my mind to clarify to him that, “Dad’s kidding of course.” but they both turned and walked out of the room before I got the chance to say it.
The next day our 13-year-old son was working on a project in the front yard when a man drove in. You may already know where this story is going.
When the man asked him if he knew how much his dad was selling the boat for our son quickly responded, “$100 bucks!”
Oh yes… that’s right…that lovely Glassply, with Cuddy, sold to the lucky man for $100 smakeroos. The trailer alone was worth at least one thousand even in its rusty condition so he could have gotten several thousands for the boat.
Now allow me, if you would, a moment to speak to the gentleman that bought our boat that day.
Dear Sir….if you are reading this post and recall telling your friends about buying a 19’ cuddy cabin boat for only $100 then you might be feeling a little embarrassed by the fact that you didn’t pay more for the boat and I’m now exposing it to the world. Well, I can assure you that what my husband received in return was far more than the deal you got that day. We harbor no ill feelings at all and we certainly could have made a different deal before we signed over the title. We chose not to and it was one of the best decisions we ever made. So thank you for giving us a great memory, a great story to share as well, but more importantly our teenage son the opportunity to experience empowerment.
Sincerely, Kellie Frazier
Here is how our son shared his experience with us about his first real sale.
Son: “Dad! You’re not going to believe this but I sold your boat today!
Jon: “You did? What do you mean you sold the boat? You didn’t know how much I was asking for it.”
Son: “Yes I did! You said $100 bucks remember?”
Kellie: Eyes popping out of my head…staring at my husband….looking at my husbands face for any sign of “Just wait till I get my hands on you boy”….wondering if I should grab my son and make a run for it.
Jon: Taking a moment to let it sink in…walking over to our son and putting his mighty hand on the boy’s small shoulder. “It’s okay. That is what I said isn’t it? You did the right thing.”
Kellie: Nearly hyperventilating… wondering if I heard what he said with complete accuracy or if I was dreaming…and if I was dreaming…….then what alien ship was my real husband on?”
I assessed the situation again. He was speaking in a very sincere tone of voice, he was calmly reassuring our son that what he did was the right thing. For REAL???
I was in shock. But right before my eyes I watched a young boy turn into a man, and a man turn into a young boy who wanted to connect to his son.
To say my respect level shot up 10 degrees for my husband that day may be minimizing it a bit. How many men would have done the same thing?
To change a life may sometimes mean we need to swallow our pride, better yet… why swallow it at all? Just get rid of it! Do more good to bring increase into the life of those you love, and of those you don’t even know, by connecting to your own heart first. That’s what my husband did that day and that’s what I strive to do every day of my life.
If you didn’t listen to the entire song, hit the play button again. Let the words sink in to you and inspire you to do more than just pass through life.
Emotionally Connect in ways you’ve never done before and just watch how successful you become!
Don’t forget to comment and share!
Blessings,
| Kellie Frazier is a Wife and Mother, a Radio Show Host on Motivational Radio, an Author and Speaker of Vision~Power~Action, and a Tele-Seminarian with a passion to make a difference in the lives of others. She teaches visionaries how to connect to their dreams, find inner strength in God, and motivate themselves toward action. If you would like to get her Connecting Secrets Package plus her 5-day Interview Series of "Leaders who Know How to Connect" delivered to your email inbox for FREE, simply fill in your name and email address in the boxes to the right --> |
A Brave Leader Rescues Children and Connects Them to Love
AN EXCLUSIVE INTERVIEW…
Much of my work involves interviewing people who do extraordinary things so every now and then I interview someone who goes way beyond human limitation, then helps the rest of us see that we can all take part in a much bigger role in life.
Today I want to introduce a brave man named Marcus Young. Marcus is a child rescuer. What does a child rescuer do? The short answer is that he rescues kids from the victimization of terrorists who take them from their homes as young as age 2. They are conscripted into armies then trained to kill and torture others. That’s right, as young as age 2, and there are hundreds of thousands of kids all over the world being conscripted.
The hair on my arms is standing straight up as I type these words to you. The reason is obvious for anyone who has a child of their own, but what I find most amazing is the victory that comes out of rescuing these children.
Marcus and the Project AK-47 Group have created schools, shelters, and homes for these kids to live in a loving and nurturing environment. It’s true that they are permanently scarred and horribly emotionally damaged, but there is also great triumph for those who knew a different life prior to being forced to live destructively.
My gift to you today is this exclusive interview with Marcus where he will tell us about one young girl who’s continuous stream of tears had to tell of the horrors she underwent because her words could not, after she was rescued.
His interview can be heard for free right here and please share this with as many friends and family as you can so we can do our small part to help.
FREE INTERVIEW HERE —-> http://kelliefrazier.com/marcusyoung/
I feel the life that Marcus and his group choose to live is unbelievably brave, but to them it’s just being socially responsible. They’ve created numerous ways for us to help them; for instance, we can purchase a set of dog tags with a child’s name on it for $10. Take a look –> dog tags here.
But if all you can do right now is re-tweet and forward this message all over the globe for the sake of other children who need rescuing, then please do it. I know you will – and I want you to know how much Marcus and all involved in project AK47 appreciate your efforts.
| Kellie Frazier is a Wife and Mother, a Radio Show Host on Motivational Radio, an Author and Speaker of Vision~Power~Action, and a Tele-Seminarian with a passion to make a difference in the lives of others. She teaches visionaries how to connect to their dreams, find inner strength in God, and motivate themselves toward action. If you would like to get her Connecting Secrets Package plus her 5-day Interview Series of "Leaders who Know How to Connect" delivered to your email inbox for FREE, simply fill in your name and email address in the boxes to the right --> |
How Do I Connect? As a Consumer or a Producer?
Are you a consumer or a producer? Take this mini test below to find out.
T or F – I wake up and ponder what I’ll eat today
T or F – I look forward to going to the movies or shopping for gear
T or F – I enjoy going out to dinner
T or F – Sitting at home watching TV by the fireplace relaxes me
T or F – I get annoyed when the gas prices keep going up
T or F – I look forward to my magazine subscription every month
T or F – I pay my bills each month to keep gas, electric, etc flowing
If you answered True to most of these questions, as many of us would, then you are a consumer, as many of us are.
As a kid I watched my parents go off to work, us kids would go to school, we’d all come home, eat dinner, do our homework and go to bed. The next day, we’d go off to work or school, come home, etc. That was very normal and still is to this day.
On our parents days off they went shopping for groceries, or clothes for us kids, and on very special occasions there were birthday’s and holidays where we’d receive presents. Now and then we’d give to others when my parents felt it was appropriate to do so. I typically liked those times very much.
We were taught to consume in every way;
- products
- information
- relationships
- food
- clothes and household items
- technical information to keep up with technology
- electricity to stay warm and see at night
- relationships so someone can make us happy
What a blessing!………. Or is it?
What if I had been raised to be more of a producer instead of a consumer what would that have looked like?
Perhaps the focus, or direction, for my life would have been more on my talents and gifts and what I could offer to others. Perhaps others would have enjoyed my gifts and talents as my skills grew, producing relationships that helped a career take off or relationships grow exponentially. I might have become an expert in the area of what I love to do at an early age - and actually get paid well for doing it by the time I became an adult.
Consider your own gifts and talents for a moment. What can you do to become more of a producer then a consumer? Where could you go with it? Who could you share it with? What added value is it to human life to share that gift?
Did you know that what you focus on expands?
Are you musical? – do you share it with others so they can enjoy it?
Are you an organzier? – do you share it with others to assist them in projects?
Are you a great host or hostess? – do you invite others over or volunteer to serve?
I strongly encourage you to get connected to being a producer in your life. Focus on it and watch it grow! See how your gift can add to the human life value of others through producing what you can for the good of others, for your relationships, for your community, and for the world.
It takes creative thought, hard work, dedication to never giving up and an unstoppable faith. Are you up to the challenge?
Remember - What you focus on expands!
- Focus on adding value to human life
- Produce more value in the area you are gifted in – practice!
- Find out what others want – ask how you can help
- Realize that the more you help others get what they want in a productive creative way – you can change your world
Something just hit me as I was typing this for you - its my “a-ha moment” as some would say.
My birthday is on December 25th and in our home that was a celebrated holiday called Christmas. My entire life people have asked me if I felt like I was “ripped off” because of having my birthday on Christmas Day. Now I understand why. It’s the consumer mentality.
My answer has always been, “Having my birthday on Christmas was always the best because everyone got to open presents and my parents made it very special!”
Perhaps I’ve been less of a consumer internally who never quite got to express it until now. We’re all going to consume no matter what we produce, it’s the purpose for producing is it not? My point is to bring awareness to how much you consume, compared to how much you produce, to add to the human value in life.
Please Comment and Share Below AND….. if you want to see how I finally learned to become more of a producer because of this community of Connecting – please visit our store. You have engaged me and I truly appreciate you!
Have You Wondered What Your Government Is Doing To Help Haiti?
My son Brady is a Staff Sargent in the United States Air Force. In this photo he is doing what he loves, and when I think of him I hear his well-written music in my mind, so this image is one of my favorites.
Brady has fought in Iraq and has seen things you and I wouldn’t want to even dream about. War takes it’s tole on everyone, but it has not taken away the very big heart he has had since he was quite young.
There have been many times where I wish I could go back and raise my kids all over again, and correct the many mistakes I made as a parent, but then I realize that if I did that then Brady wouldn’t be who he is today and leading in such amazing ways.
He was recently sent to Haiti on a mission to assist Haitians recover during the aftermath of the earthquake. Below is a story of his first flight there. I asked him if I could share his experience with my readers and he agreed. I have one request; please donate wherever you can and whenever you can to help this mission. Haiti will need help for a very, very long time.
To my son…You are a leader. I love you very much.
What I do for Haiti, and for Myself…
Flying in to Port Au Prince was like flying into a war zone. Mass devastation, yet the local grounds and natural land formations seemed untouched.
As we got closer to touching down, they warned us that it was going to be an abrupt stop. That was an understatement. The rear of the plane hit the tarmack with the smoothest of ease…but as the wheels began to grip, the front end slammed into the ground. The pilot hit those breaks with what seemed like every ounce of strength he had. You could smell the rubber coming off the wheels as we roared down the runway. He threw on the reverse thrusters, improving our stopping power even more.
Ever been shot out of a cannon into a brick wall? Me either, but I bet it was pretty close to this. As the flying barge quickly (and thankfully) lost momentum, the pilot came over the loud speaker saying he was sorry for the quick stop but he was afraid he would run off the runway…(what a great feeling of security).
During the whole ordeal, I heard the faint whisper of a stewardess in my mind “contents may have shifted during flight…” 
Everything was everywhere…nearly losing 6 pallets of high stacked water and 4 pallets of food to what would have been a watery mess in the belly of the aircraft. I had to gather my belongings up, which had become UFOs during the landing, from the front of the giant open bay.
As we FINALLY came to a stop, engines still blaring, we dropped the aft-hatch of the Globemaster. What we saw were things I’ve only seen in movies before…people sitting/laying everywhere. Helos taking off and landing in any open spot on the fields adjacent to the runway and taxiways, crews rushing to meet the injured people on the ground. Planes of all types and other Helos flying overhead in search of others need aid…there seemed to be absolute mass caos. I swallowed hard and stepped off the plane.
I was met by a thousand staring faces. They all seemed to have the same questioning look of ‘what were we doing there’ and ‘do we have any food?’ Most seemed to be worried about being able to leave the country while others pointed to the food and water now being offloaded from the rear of the plane.
It took all of about 2 seconds before I noticed all the cameras…CNN and other world news agencies feverishly working to capture the pain and anguish of the Haitian peoples faces…it killed me. No hesitation…no common courtesy or decency to leave the people be…just cameras all up in their pain and suffering…inches away from their faces. What happened to being here to help? It seemed as though they were there more for the story and a shot at getting that ‘network’ position. As I stood guard at the front door of the plane, I counted the cameras I could see…97 cameras in a 150 ft gap…INSANE!!! I just don’t get it sometimes…
I stood guard outside for the AC for a little over an hour…engines still roaring…until it was time to board. Watching those lucky few faces shine, as though they won the lottery, climb onto the plane was one of the best rewards i could have asked for. It wasn’t the same as rebuilding their house or church, or bringing their animals back to life, but it sure was a close damn second. I didn’t really know what to expect when I volunteered for these missions but I sure figured out why real quick.
As we taxied out to the runway, there was a rabid excitement in the childrens faces. For some, it was their first plane ride…ever…for others, it was the last time they’d ever see the place they called home. At any rate, they were smiling.
Once we were airborn, we handed out the little bit of food and water we had on board…can you imagine…being so hungry and thirsty and the first real sustinance you get is a variety of cookies and powerade…nice. What a ‘Welcome to America’ showing…lol! Needless to say, the kids were STILL smiling.
The sides of the plane were the only seats available, as seen in this picture. These people are all on the floor. We took as many as we could fit.
They gathered up any and every little thing they could possibly find. The Haitians were apprehensive at first but eased their nerves when they saw more food waiting for them just off the back end of the plane. I carried an orphan out and put him down next to one of the female agents. As soon as his feet hit the ground, he squeezed my neck with all his might and took off running towards the food line.
The trip had come full circle for me. What transformed from an early wake-up and just another mission, turned out to be one of the greatest days of my life. I’m honored to do the work I do. I’m honored to have to opportunity…I love being an American.
Have a great day everybody. I hope this provides a little hope for you for our nation and for the world.
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Parental Anger is Often Created By Generations of Anger
It is said that generation after generation the sins of the fathers are passed down. This is true for every generation, every race and every gender unless you make a choice to stop it.
For years I felt frustration rise from somewhere very deep. I would go outside my house, when I knew everyone inside was preoccupied, and let out a scream that would echo through the valley. Why? It was my way of releasing the pent up anger. Where did it come from? What was the root cause? I had no idea, I only knew how great it would feel to scream with no one else around, and I remember doing it from the time I was quite young.
My pare
nt’s were angry, their parents were angry and their parents before them were angry. It’s what I learned, how I was taught to engage in life, to deal with stress, to fuss when people weren’t listening to what I had to say.
I thought about anger management classes now and then, but I would compare myself to my husband and I eventually say, “Well I’m not nearly as bad tempered as he is.” and choose not to get help for myself.
The interesting thing about anger management is that you are taught to ‘manage’ the anger going on inside, when in reality, the anger is still managing you for as long as you hold on to it. You can’t run from it, or hide from it, or let someone else borrow it for a while. The way I see it is that you can only face it, pass it on to your children, or release it forever. I had no idea how to release it back then, I only knew I wanted to.
One day when I went out side for yet another scream session and I heard birds singing, cars passing by, dogs barking and life seemed to be normal. In that moment I realized my anger didn’t affect anything outside that wasn’t human and that thought made me think deeper.
“If I did this in my house my family would be greatly affected. The entire atmosphere would change, everyone would walk on egg shells wondering if I was going to implode, and they would even mirror back with some of their own anger.”
Then I asked myself, “Where is this anger directed? Who am I angry at?” I took a moment to think, and to respond. It was upward, directed toward God for allowing my pain, toward myself for not being strong enough to handle it, toward my husband who had an intolerable temperament, toward my father-in-law who also had a bad temper. It was toward my Dad who lived in a state of anger his entire life, toward my mom who decided to remain in her angry bitter state toward my Dad, so on and so on.
Something bigger had begun to formulate in my mind. It was an image of my young son’s playing sweetly and who then got angry when something didn’t go right… and it suddenly hit me. This is a generational issue!
“What a terrible way to live!” I shouted. From that moment I knew something had to change. I couldn’t influence anyone else unless I could be certain I could muster the courage to eliminate the problem for myself.
It took several months to figure out what I didn’t want those many years ago, and it took just as long to figure out what I did want and go after it. Freedom from generational anger.
Generational issues, or sins, affects everyone. We all have parents, and grandparents, who had something to deal with at one time or another. Drinking, living in fear, screaming, cursing, being hypocritical, holding on to bitterness or rebellion, pornographic issues, worrying, anxiety, you name it – your parents likely dealt with it – their parents before them – and now you.
If you realize you are teaching your children generational issues it’s time to stop before they have their own children. You can choose to eliminate anger (or whatever it is you deal with) so your life can be much richer, and relationships can be much more fulfilling. There is a way and understanding that your choices, or intentions, can set you on a course toward freedom is key, at least it was for me and the thousands I’ve shared with in my programs and speaking engagements.
It’s time to STOP generational issues from spreading, but it all starts with you.
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Lead With Love And Remarkable Things Will Happen
Our teenage daughter, had taken a journey to Honduras to volunteer in an orphanage to teach the young leadership skills while sharing hugs of plenty. Her desire to go to Honduras came from knowing many of the kids at the orphanage since I had made a trip there myself 9 years ago. We remained in contact with the kids throughout the years. Something happened there that has changed her life permanently.
A bit of background: My daughter is home schooled and her desk is in the same office where my husband and I run our companies. She has learned useful life skills in leadership and many other advantageous opportunities while she keeps up her academics. She believes her greatest advantage is our one-on-one interaction, and making time for one another during the day, that otherwise might not happen in a school setting.
My daughter is a remarkable person at the young age of 15 and I say that with humility. One thing I’ve learned as a parent is that when kids begin to listen to their heart they will develop their purpose in life and the outcome is one in which we parents cannot take credit for.
One evening she was walking with two other volunteers back to the orphanage and a 10-yr-old little girl. Four men pulled up next to them in a vehicle and stopped. Two men quickly jumped out of the back seat while the driver held a large gun pointed at my daughter and the boy. She lifted her hands in the air while one man grabbed the boy’s back pack off his arm and walked behind the small group. She thought the man had put his hand on the little girl’s shoulder so my daughter instinctively dropped her arm and pulled the little girl behind her. Her only thought was to protect; so she step in front of her to block the view from the man with the gun.
Just then they heard other voices coming from down the road, which made the men nervous enough to quickly get back in their vehicle and take off. The group was left in shock and immediately said a prayer of gratitude before continuing on their way back to the children’s home.
There will always be a “what if” factor in this story because we don’t know what would have happened had the men not been scared off by others entering the scene, but one very profound thing stood out to me. To instinctively step into harms way to protect the little girl tells me my daughter has developed an attitude of love; a willingness to risk your own life to save someone else’s.
I believe that every child has remarkable potential to grow into leadership but they must experience love in order to act on it. Why do I say love? Have you ever tried to lead without love? What was the result? Pure obedience, no thoughts culminating or questions brewing. No space for creative thinking, no possibilities of dreams, or strengthening the potential of those dreams, and ending with a very limited capacity to lead.
If love leads first, every character trait shown will be magnified through dignity, nobility, honor, and perseverance. Who wouldn’t want to follow a leader such as that?
I admire my daughter’s courage to do what she felt was right even if it meant taking a risk. We will never know our greatest strength until we have experienced moment’s of taking our greatest risks.
Military Parents – 5 Leadership Skills You Can Use at Home – Make Transition Easier on You & Your Kids
When my sons were very young my husband woul
d set out for his tour of duty on the open seas, which left my two sons and I alone to fend for ourselves.
These photos were all taken when they entered boot camp at the age of 18. Husband Center: Retired Navy
Sons Left & Right: Marine and Air Force (one is still deployed)
I understood of course that my husband was serving his country and this was his duty, but what an emotional predicament that decision would often leave our family in.
Allow me to help you understand how it can be a time of positive growth and change rather than emotional predicaments.
I experienced 16 years of military parenting, I coach parents for a living and am the United States Founder for the Leadership Cafe Foundation. I mention this only because I want to share my thoughts with you not only as an onlooker, but also as someone who thoroughly understands the transition factor between deployments.
If you will heed these words that come from my heart you will find your transition time much easier for both you and your children. If you do not, you will stay locked in a frustrated role of parenting rather than a role of leadership.
You are the leader your children will look up to, particularly when your spouse deploys. Get this in your mind now, say the word “leader” out loud, listen to audios, read books, and learn how to be the best parent and leader you can possibly be; the kind of leader you would want your kids, and all the neighborhood kids, to follow.
Here are 5 Tips That Will Help During The Transition Time
1. Avoid Depression and Anxiety – Understand that your mind has everything to do with your feelings. When you allow your mind to focus on the negativity of your spouse leaving, your body feels it, your kids feel it, even your neighbors feel it. Have you ever noticed how a person in a ‘bad mood’ can change the atmosphere? This is an unhealthy choice. Looking for sympathy will not help you with this important time of transition. It will only serve one purpose, to keep you feeling sorry for yourself and searching for others to feel sorry for you as well.
2. Get Creative – Your kids need to be able to talk to you but if you’re too sad, they won’t want to burden you with their problems. You don’t need to stay sad. Focus your mind and attention on things that make you feel good such as; exercising, playing table games, taking a 10 minute nap, visiting with friends or relatives, crossword puzzles, taking a bath, etc. Develop a routine of adapting at least three creative outlets throughout your day.
3. Establish Ground Rules for Communication With Your Children – You are your kids sounding board but not their door mat. Feelings of being unworthy will cause the doormat feeling. To establish open communication you must become a transparent parent. Your kids need you and will want to talk to you, but if they don’t know how you feel they will draw their own conclusion and shy away from talking about how they are feeling as well. They learn by your example. Focus on positive communication at all times.
For younger children: put up magnetic faces that are happy, sad, angry, etc, and a calendar on your refrigerator so they are able to place a magnet on each day, or each moment, as their feelings change. When you know how they are feeling you can address it openly. Avoid asking them what’s wrong. They will likely say “Nothing” no matter how old they are. Ask instead, “What’s troubling your heart today?” so they have to dig into the issue.
4. Find Support - Do you have friends that have kids of similar ages as yours? Do you go to a church or an Activities Center such as the YMCA? A good leader knows it’s important to create space for their children to grow. Find excellent mentors and facilitators. Seek out the Chamber of Commerce in your area to find out what events are happening in town each month.
5. Believe in the Possibilities – It is possible for you to have a wonderful time with your children whether your spouse is gone or at home, but it comes down to your own personal belief system. Will you create space in your family’s life to belief anything is possible?
You can have wonderful transition times if you will only believe that anything is possible.
If you would like to understand how we, as parents, can be leaders our kids will look up to then please take a moment to receive my free E-book about removing limiting beliefs and move toward success. In doing so, you will also receive my gift to you of a free 30-minute coaching session to get you started on the right track. Look to the right of this post and you will see a form for your first name and email address. It’s that simple!
