Oprah Implores Parents To Understand The RED FLAGS Of Child Molesting

INSIDE THE MIND OF A CHILD ABUSER

This is no one’s favorite subject, but I found this interview to be one of the all time BEST for Oprah.  She will be posting this piece on her website but keep reading to find out why it may very well be her most life altering show…

In meeting with four child molesters from different parts of the country, and currently in rehab for child molestation, Oprah is pleading with parents saying  “If you can withhold judgment, and really listen to what they are saying, they will teach you how to watch out for them.”

These men, David, Derek, Lee and Robert, openly admitted their offenses.  Each of them are human, each of them acted out in a sinful, deplorable manner, and yet each of them are wanting to help save other victims by opening the eyes of the parents who might listen to them.

Will you be one of those parents?

Sexual predators groom their victims.  Here is what these four abusers listed as warning signs of a possible situation for grooming the future abuse:

1.  Men (or women) spending more time with children than with adults, particularly at a party or gathering.

2. Men (or women) who give massages or back and foot rubs often.

3. Men (or women) who cuddle more than normal.

4. Men (or women) who listen intently to a child to build trust as they would to someone they would want to date.

I have given 5 years of my life to teach others how to connect emotionally to each other as couples, and specifically to their kids.  If you understand what is being said by these men, then you will see and hear that this emotional connection can prevent your son or daughter from being a victim.

These men reportedly looked for:

1. Children who need attention and who will trust others to give it and often it’s a relative or family friend.

2. Kids who are angry at their parents and who wanted to retaliate.  Kids whose parents are not emotionally connected to them.

3. Kids who would not tell on them because they wanted validation.  The men all believed sex will help the child feel better about him or herself and at the same time give them companionship.

These words carry powerfully rich choices for you as parents.

Do you know if you are emotionally connected to your kids?  Would you know how, or where, to start being more emotionally connected to them?  Most people do not – so you are not alone.  This is why I am developing programs to help assist all parents in this way.

Oprah affirmed that sexual abuse “Changes who you are.”   There are very few women that I know today who haven’t been introduced to some form of sexual alteration in their life, myself included.  The truth is, it isn’t who you are, but it can determine who you become if you aren’t aware of how to move beyond it.

Being afraid is not the same as being aware!  Being afraid perpetuates the victim mentality.  It is becoming aware, and choosing a destination from a place of logic and compassion that can bring healing.  I can’t explain what this means in a short post but I know it is truth.

Dave (one of the abusers) spoke more truth in this one statement that made Oprah feel her 2-hour interview was worth the time.  He said,  “I killed who she (his victim) could have been.  Just because she is walking around doesn’t mean she’s okay.”

As Oprah stated, “When a child is abused it kills their spirit.” This goes for both genders.

We wonder why so many kids are provocative and engaged in sexual promiscuity?  Yet if we stopped to find out what happened to them in their past we would no longer wonder.  Ask a serial killer why he kills and he will not be able to tell you.  Ask him about his childhood and you will find unspeakable atrocities perpetrated against him as a child, only to him it was “normal”.

I say when you learn to love your child, spouse, friend, neighbor, on an emotional and spiritual level you can help lift their spirit beyond victim-hood, beyond what they know to be ‘normal’.  To do this takes loving yourself both emotionally and spiritually.

I have a hero. Her family was murdered in front of her eyes and she was raped and tortured for hours at the age of 10.  She is my hero because she could have chosen death from paralyzing fear and depression.  Instead she has moved beyond fear without letting this situation determine who she is becoming.  Her parents were emotionally connected to her before their deaths.  I know this because they were good friends of mine and she is now thriving and living again.

So for all the Melissa’s in life, and for all the Oprah’s in life, and for all the Kellie’s in life, seek out ways to be a hero for yourself no matter how old you are.  Tell someone if you are facing an abusive situation or have lived with victimization, but more than that we want you to understand something and to say it aloud as often as you need to until you believe it:  “IT WAS NOT MY FAULT.”

Please comment and share on Twitter or Facebook so we can encourage all parents to be aware of the importance of being emotionally connected to their kids.

Will you also please visit this site and let me know if you are interested in knowing how to become more connected to your own kids on an emotional and spiritual level?

• 1 in 4 girls is sexually abused before the age of 18. ACE Study – Prevalence – Adverse Childhood Experiences
• 1 in 6 boys is sexually abused before the age of 18. ACE Study – Prevalence – Adverse Childhood Experiences
• 1 in 5 children are solicited sexually while on the internet. Finkelhor, D., Mitchell, K., & Wolak, J. (2001, March). Highlights of the youth internet safety survey. US Department of Justice, Office of Justice Programs, Office of Juvenile Justice and Delinquency Prevention.
• Nearly 70% of all reported sexual assaults (including assaults on adults) occur to children ages 17 and under. Snyder, H N. (2000). Sexual assault of young children as reported to law enforcement: Victim, incident, and offender characteristics. National Center for Juvenile Justice, U.S. Department of Justice

My Gratitude & Pain – There was a Reason For Both

There is a reason why gratitude and pain must run parallel in our lives.  If it didn’t we would not understand how to mature emotionally, spiritually or even physically.

In the early part of 2007, my whole world changed.  My partner left the company, my young nephew was killed in a boating accident and his mother, my little sister, died a few months later from cancer.  At the same time, my husband suffered from depression and was unable to keep the business afloat during my out of state trips to help the relatives.

Just when I thought things were about to turn around I slipped on black ice in December of that long year, and landed on my head.  This fall created an injury to my neck and brain.  For nearly three months I was lying on the floor, in bed, or in a chair having brain seizures.  When I wasn’t having seizures I experienced forms of stroke-like symptoms, neurological issues and severe dyslexia on and off.  The most frustrating part, however, was the inability to process intelligent adult conversations.

By June of 2008, my business had closed but the seizures were less frequent and less disruptive to my life and to my families life.

Although the first two and a half months disappeared from my memory, something wonderful happened six months after my fall.  One morning in June, I sat up in bed for the first time without pain and looked out my bedroom window.  I remember seeing a beautiful sunny day as I looked out my window.  I suddenly realized my eyes didn’t hurt from the light and I felt no pain in my head or anywhere in my body.

My heart was immediately filled with gratitude.  I wanted to jump up and run through the house telling everyone but I didn’t want to ruin the quiet moments of sheer elation so I forced myself to remain still.  I also noticed an inner peace that I hadn’t felt in years.  My head, it seemed, had finally connected to my heart because  I heard these two very simple but powerful words from inside me; “Trust me”.

Immediately I began to cry and thank God for all that I had, and all that He was going to do for me.  I thanked him for every little (and big) thing and for all the deep lessons I still needed to learn.

At the end of that song of gratitude I realized that I would not have changed a painful thing that happened in 2007.  I knew every bit of it was for my own maturity and powerful growth, in fact, as strange as this sounds I wouldn’t have had it any other way.  I finally understood how to cherish the joys of gratitude, after learning to release the pain, and I’ve made it my purpose in life to help others learn to do the same.

Since that day, something creative burst forth like sunshine behind a cloud. I’ve written and communicated in ways I never did before.  I can’t explain it, I just know it is very real and powerful.  I’ve heard this happen to others but it’s not easily explained.  I’m thankful, that’s all I know.

Do you have a story of a brain injury that happened to you or someone you know? Please share it here if you are willing to be open about it. I’d love to know how you survived it and what life is like for you now.

Domestic Violence

I wrote this article after talking to a woman who kept going back to her abusive husband over and over again.  It was apparent that she felt no sense of self worth after being raised in an abusive home, and now she was teaching her two daughters the same behaviors but she couldn’t see it.  Until parents can advance in their own personal courage, they can’t teach their children to be responsible or accountable.  They can and will perpetuate the fearful patterns of an unworthy lifestyle.

And so, I wrote the following article.

There are two kinds of people: those who want to find a solution to a problem they own, and those who want to find peace from someone else’s problem.

When you grow up in an atmosphere of domestic violence it seems very “normal” to live in an uncontrolled way. Hence, it isn’t surprising that if you came from an abusive home and have ended up in a relationship that is also abusive, that clearly you can’t see how you are responsible for how others treat you or that you are accountable for acting on it. You don’t know what you don’t know.

Most people think they understand what it means to be responsible and what it means to be accountable, when in fact, they were never taught. Abusive homes do not teach responsibility or accountability effectively because it takes a level of civility.

Responsibility is the obligation to act; accountability is the obligation to answer for that act. Until you understand what they both look like, it would be hard for you to see your choices clearly enough to stop running from the problem.

Examples of responsibility:

• A particular obligation by one who is responsible – caring for the needs of children.

• Reliability or dependability – meeting debts or payments.

• Choosing to do something based on one’s own initiative or authority – getting out of a bad situation.

Examples of accountability:

• To demonstrate or exercise the responsibility for a specific act – seeking ways to find help.

• Improving the achieved goal and being rewarded for success – finding an atmosphere that is pain free.

• An obligation to report on following through with responsibilities – getting an accountability partner who can help you stay on track with your goals.

Now that you know the difference, what is your next step? Choose this day to be responsible for a particular action. Act on it before the end of the day. After acting on it, reward yourself for being accountable on performing the action. It all starts with making one decision and doing it to the best of your ability. Repeating the choice with similar actions can, and will, change your life.

Multiple Sources of Income Taught With Ease

Who taught you about earning a passive income for your family? There are lots of people teaching methods that can often make you feel you only care about the dollar when it comes down to it.  This wasn’t true for me and I finally did something about it.

Fortunately, there are people who come along in life that give you new hope and you recognize that their values are in alignment with your own. Their names are Judith Sherven, Jim Sniechowski and Tom Justin.

• They took me step by step through understanding a complex idea and made it easy to earn a passive income.
• They taught me to understand how to show people love and respect while marketing and remembering what you hope to achieve.
• They taught me how to express what I wanted to do for my niche and how to speak about it in a way I feel confident.
• They helped me to understand that you don’t have to be a hard selling kind of personality in order to help others.

They are changing the world of marketing…literally… without pounding it over anyone’s head or making you feel confused or gut wrenched.

Their latest book, “The Heart of Marketing” was written by Jim and Judith who are best selling authors.  They’ve been on Oprah, the Today’s show, as hosts of radio shows and yet they still teach in a humble and loving way along with their terrific partner Tom.

For me, kindness is what consistently drives me to do what I do for others. I care about you to, and about the fact that you want to have an income that is ethical, moral and kind. Getting a check in your mailbox, without clocking in at a job you can’t stand, is one of the best feelings one can have. I want you to have this opportunity to see their program if you want another income source.

Just share from your experiences, like what I’m doing right now, and feel confident that you’ve given the best information available to those you care about. Simple! Safe! Affordable! If you DO sign up for this course, let me know and I’ll also send you my free E-book “Why Keep An Elephant On Your Bed”.  Those who have read my book have learned a lot about acquiring their dreams instead of letting invisible elephants keep you from them.

When you leave a comment please share your links in the comment box to your affiliate sites. Rarely do you get that opportunity, but one never knows who might be clicking on it.

HOW TO “SNAP” OUT OF YOUR MENTAL INERTIA

When I first began my trip down entrepreneurial lane, I was petrified…literally… as a piece of wood is stiff, that was me.  FEAR was my buddy, my companion ball and chain and I carried it through vast desert lands it seemed and it got heavier by the day.  I knew I didn’t want it in my life, and yet I wasn’t willing to seek what was needed in order to obtain freedom from it. What I did know was that “someday” I wanted to help others, educate, inspire people, create outrageous success for numerous charities but I had no idea where or how to begin.

There was a myriad of negative messages, excuses and lots of pain through my formative years.  Knowing how to re-learn what I had been taught was an integral part of becoming successful. More importantly, I needed to find better solutions for living my life.

Let me list out for you what my ball and chains were and see if you struggle with similar mental inertia. If these don’t resonate with you then congratulate yourself because you’re off to a GREAT start!

1. I couldn’t recognize or clearly define exactly what I wanted in my personal life or my business life.

2. I found creative avoidance techniques to make me feel I was doing something whether I had a cause to or not.

3. I avoided reading specific material as if it would completely change my way of thinking.  I wanted to do it myself, therefore, acquiring specialized knowledge in a specific field wasn’t on my mind.

4. I was pretty good at “passing the buck” instead of facing issues squarely, (Also backed by excuses).

5. I had a habit of relying upon those excuses instead of creating definite plans for a solution of my situation or going to God.

6. I had an array of wavering principals instead of standing firm on them.

7. I was pretty good at accepting unfavorable circumstances as being unavoidable… that way I could feel sorry for myself.

8. I believed I needed someone else to point me in the right direction instead of believing I could (with God) establish my own direction with careful thought and planning.

9. I was usually ready to quit at the first sign of defeat because of my fears.

10. I used the excuse that my business partner wasn’t there to help me get organized with a business plan when I could have looked for help from others.

11. I made a habit of neglecting opportunity when it presented itself out of fear, and ignoring red flags when a situation needed to be taken care of.

12. I sat for hours just wishing something were real instead of willing it, through faith that it could be real if I made it happen.

13. I searched for all the short-cuts trying to GET without GIVING.

14. I was deathly afraid of criticism, or putting plans into action, because of what other people would think, do, or say. This is a BIG one for most people. Can you say P-R-I-D-E?

So how did I kick these habits?

I CHOSE TO DO THE COMPLETE OPPOSITE OF WHAT I WAS ALREADY DOING!

1. I first asked God to help me define my purpose. This took constant prayer and submitting my pride to him in order to receive an answer.

2.I needed to understand the reason that I should pursue this purpose. I wanted to understand God’s laws of love and abundance and share it with everyone I knew. This drew me into persevering in learning and growing to be equipped to fulfill that purpose.

3. I had to believe in my own ability to carry out a plan to get organized, stop doing the creative avoidance tactics and start moving ahead.

4. I needed to gain more knowledge so that I could observe what my purpose looked like and how to acquire it, which meant reading specialized knowledge of others.

5. I formed a group of like-minded people to gain understanding and cooperation.

6. I quit blaming others and decided that I was responsible for how others treated me. Let me say that one again……I stopped BLAMING and took responsibility for how others treated me.

7. By reaching out to others who had strong principles and rock solid foundations I came to understand from them that “as a man thinketh so he is”. Know this character, I wanted only to absorb life-giving words, and I made the attitude of gratitude habitual so I could re-train myself to live as abundantly as God intended.

The steps I took to change my world all had to start somewhere and it was on my knees saying these words:

“God, forgive me for my pride. I want to see myself as Jesus sees me, beautifully and wonderfully made, able to do greater things through faith. Perseverance creates the impossible. Teach me your ways and show me what that looks like to you so I can do your will. Show me how to live in abundance.”

The great news is, HE DID.

Feel free to leave a comment…

BILL’S STORY…

You can learn by your mistakes but its much easier to learn from others mistakes don’t you think? That is really where the saying “it’s better to be wise by the misfortunes of others than by your own.” It’s about learning not taking advantage.

I went into my office one morning to see a message on my answering machine. I pushed the play button and heard, “Hi, umm, my name is Bill (name is protected) and I’m wondering if you can call me back. I need to know what to do about my home. I’m gonna lose it in a week. Please call me.”

As I dialed the phone to call him back I began to wonder what his story was and how much time it would take before I could get him to open up about his situation.  This is what draws me into helping homeowners.  To know their stories.  To understand what got them into the situation they were in.

Over the years I began to see a pattern. The thought patterns, the feelings and the lack of action became evident for most, but there was the occasional few that had medical issues which wiped out their savings, job loss that ended a 25 year career, loss of stocks and bonds they counted on for retirement, now gone. Now more than any other time in American history this is the case. However…there are still successes…

Bill didn’t know what to do. I returned his call and asked if I may come to his home to speak with him.  We sat at his kitchen table as he explained the near fatal illness that landed him in the hospital for months. He was a single man, with no relatives in the area, and now no job to pay the mortgage on his home. A local church had helped him with bills and some friends help him with food, but no one paid his mortgage. Fighting back tears he added, “All I owe is $1,000 on my house.”

I was stunned at the prospect of this hardworking man losing his home of 20 years over $1000. I instantly wanted to fork it over but I reminded myself that I teach people how to fish, not hand the fish to them.

I said, “Bill, what have you done to communicate your needs to your lender?” Bill shook his head and shrugged his shoulders as if to indicate nothing.

I looked to the left and saw a stack of unopened mail on his dining room hutch. “Are those from the bank and the attorney’s office?”

“Yes.” said Bill sullenly and unable to make eye contact.

“Bill, (I needed to make eye contact) ignoring a problem doesn’t make the problem disappear. Are you willing to simply let your home go into foreclosure without a fight?” Again, he shrugged but murmured a no.

I wanted Bill to look up and see that there is still hope but only if he didn’t quit! “Bill are you depressed?”

He looked at the table then answered, “I was but yesterday and today I’m feeling stronger.”

I smiled a sincere smile and said, “That’s awesome! Then its time to be strong enough to open your letters from the bank. Start with the most recent and see what they are offering you . You can do this Bill. Nothing should stand in your way but you don’t have time to waste. What if the bank actually wanted to help you? You wouldn’t know would you!” I prayed that Bill could see and hear the power behind my words.

Not every bank wants to see homeowners fail as the media would have you think.  Bankers are people just like you and I, and typically they want to help, but they can’t force homeowners to take action respectfully any more than I can. It is changing thoughts and feelings and putting them into action that is going to change your situation.

Back to Bill’s story….The weekend came and I left two messages on Bill’s answering machine telling him I was sure he could do it.  By Monday, I got a call from Bill.  He had finally called the bank and they told him they were glad he called because they want to work out his situation while there was still time. Bill sounded much more excited about life that day. I salute his success.

At www.liveforeclosurefree.com we want to help you move beyond fears, frustrations and negative attitudes into an I CAN attitude. The information we provide is simple to understand, very empowering and more information than you will use but it’s there for the choosing. For the price of a music CD you can prevent what might be considered the new pandemic in America. You can be successful but it starts with knowing your choices.   Check us out…www.liveforeclosurefree.com

LIVE THE LIFE THAT YOU IMAGINE ~ Henry David Thoreau

What do you dream of? Do you see it in your minds eye as if it were already a reality? Practical dreamers live what they want to do. They awake in the morning with a burning desire to be and to do.

If you can dream it, then allow no man to stop you from acquiring what you believe in. If you meet with failure along the way, remember that the greatest inventors of all ages failed many times before success came.

If you’ve gotten off to a bad start, or you’re facing a crisis, realize that failure is a part of life and a great part of success. How? You become forced to create another way to use your brain’s capacity to discover the creative genius on a deeper level. Use the failure as a stepping stone. Your emotions can be used to re-create and re-construct your dream as another force to be reckoned with.

What does it take to back your dreams? What knowledge do you want to build on?

* Know what state you are in – you have to know what you don’t want in order to know what you do want
* Be tolerant – stop fighting against a current that can pull you along if you allow it
* Be organized – show you can handle what you’ve got
* Rekindle hope, faith and courage – create the vision and keep it in front of your eyes and in your mind
* Be ready to receive what you believe you can acquire – there is a promise that when we ask, we get
* keep your mind open – narrow mindedness keeps us blind, allow the flow of knowledge to come in and out
* Listen for what you desire – how will you know what direction to go if you do not listen to your inner voice

Wishing will not bring about what you want. Only in thinking and feeling you have already acquired what you believe in will propel you toward your goals. Every sunset ends another day, but not another opportunity.

Don’t let the sunset come without feeling you drew upon another opportunity to move toward your goal.

If you believe……then back your dreams. Back them with desire, back them with faith, back them with those who you know will support you no matter what. Practical dreamers never quit. They know the sun will rise once again on yet another opportunity.

Can anything good come from change?

Do you tell yourself you aren’t good with change? Do you, in fact, despise change? You might be surprised to find that some good can come out of what you’re going through.

Learning to stop paddling your boat against the current is a start.

Author Ariane De Bonvoisin said something in an interview recently that really resonated with me.  She wrote a book called, The First 30 Days, Your Guide to Any Change. Much like what I had done, primarily in America, she did her research by casually interviewing over 1000 people while traveling the world.  She speaks about her important discovery of how people in general handled change.

Ariane found that no matter where people are geographically we all deal with good change and bad but we don’t always acknowledge it as such. We graduate, we move, we have children, we get fired, we lose a home, and you can either embrace it or fight against it. Individuals who successfully handle change do so through positive beliefs as they move through life.  We’re not talking about positive thinking in and of itself. The ‘I CAN’ people understand the reality of just how tough things might get, but they remain very positive about getting through whatever the change is because they know that something good will come out of it in the end. Consider this:

Any emotion you resist will rule your life like an unspoken law.

In order to move gracefully through change of any kind, you have to first accept it.  Do not interpret that as being a door mat. If you focus on a belief that you can’t, then that is precisely whats holding you back from an opportunity to grow. Your brain is producing the feelings of fear, doubt, confusion, and a host of other emotions. Hogwash you say?

Fear paralyzes people throughout their life unless they can move beyond it. Doubt will keep you from moving forward because you have no true conviction that things will work out. Impatience, you can’t trust and therefore, will likely give up on something because its not done on your time schedule. Guilt produces feelings of low self worth.  Blame, most often induced by parents or spouse, but in casting blame it will further delay emotional maturity.  Shame, how others will look at you is of great concern if a change is made.

You will decide if you live in a friendly universe or an unfriendly universe. Whichever way you decide, it will impact you to your core and you will live out the messages you believe to be true. You will use terms such as “This always happens to me.” “Nothing good can come out of this.” “Why can’t I be lucky like that?”

Deciding to be an optimist will impact the way you move through change, and through life. How people cope is very personal for everyone; some people pray, some journal or exercise, some create a resume’ of all the good that came out of their life changing experiences. Whatever method works for you, do it.

I use to wear an elastic band around my wrist when I struggled with negative thoughts. Even when no one was around, if I had a negative thought in my head, or if I allowed one to come out of my mouth, I’d snap the elastic band hard enough to leave a mark. No, I’m not in to pain, but I had to realize that every negative thought I had about a particular situation, or person, caused a feeling inside me that would steal my productivity and growth.

When you begin recognizing the negative emotions, you will begin to ask yourself, “What am I thinking that is creating this negative feeling?” You’ll get better and better at it each time if you allow yourself to recognize it, but quickly re-focus your attention to the positive.

Cognitive therapists can teach you the same thing at a much more expensive rate. If you can’t do this alone, get that elastic around your wrist, or better yet, is there someone that you can be accountable to? A spouse, a parent, a friend? Let them know what you’re trying to do, chances are, it can make them think about their own power to create positive changes. You will have engaged a good habit in your circle of influence by doing so.

Will you fall off course now and then? You might, but so does everyone else. Whatever changes you are faced with making, if you’ve done all you can and you have no other choice but to accept it, handle it with grace. Accepting change, letting go of total control, and being at peace is a much easier way to live.Celebrate the small victories! The more you can celebrate small victories, the easier it becomes. Set up weekly meetings with your accountability person(s) and go over the choices you made to move forward, to save money, to talk to the lawyer, to move out of your home, to hug your children every night before they go to sleep. No matter what it is, celebrate the fact that you did it!