For his entire life, my husband had been tormented by thoughts that he wasn’t good enough and that he could never measure up. Like anyone who’s belief system holds thoughts like these, it turns a pained heart into an guarded angry one.
Coming from a really tough upbringing, plus 16 years of serving his country in the military, he was often referred to as “a man’s man”. This phrase is usually given as a compliment, but, in my personal opinion, it can often translate into; strong, independant, tough, self-focused and not very loving.
After 23 years of watching these tormenting thoughts control him, we finally sought help from a couple who coached us for one entire week in their home. It was my greatest joy to see my husband accept Jesus Christ during the week.
That was also the day I decided to be a coach. I wanted ALL people to be transformed and SET FREE!
What happened a few years later…
I’d been coaching individuals to freedom in Christ since 2004, but a few things happened along the journey. My father died that year, then in 2007, my 18-yr-old nephew drowned, my little sister died of cancer and my husband fell into a deep depression. I had started a family business to help our sons learn a trade, but had to close it down to save my marriage. A few years later, my mother died. So to say that my life has been easy is not entirely accurate. I just look at life differently than most do. What I’m about to share is…well…anything but logical. It is truth so brace yourself and go with me on this wild ride.
At the end of 2007, just when things were looking up, I had an accident that caused a traumatic brain injury. Before my head hit the pavement I heard 3 words come flying out of my mouth. I say “flew out of my mouth”, because I did not recall intentionally saying them, but I certainly remembered hearing them. These 3 words were, “Jesus save me.”
Suddenly, my head hit the pavement and, BAM! I was knocked out cold.
The next thing I remember, I opened my eyes to little lights that looked like stars flashing all around me. It took me several minutes of shaking my head to clear them from my vision.
I reached forward and put my hand on the back bumper of my car. Ever so slowly I rose to my feet. I don’t remember how I got in, but I found myself in the drivers seat of my car. I lay my head on the steering wheel, trying to convince myself I was okay to drive. My entire body was in terrible pain, but my brain didn’t register that I ought not to be driving.
Miraculously, I managed to drive to my daughter’s school where she and the principle stood together alone, waiting for me to pick her up. He said something to me, but I couldn’t make out what he said completely. My daughter had no idea what occurred but could tell something wasn’t right.
The next morning, the lump on my head was huge. My body was in intense pain and as I rose to my feet to take a shower, the world leaned at a 90 degree angle. I stepped in the shower and while the water ran down my neck and back, the first brain seizure took control over my mind and body.
The doctors said my brain had shifted forward and to the right on impact. While I couldn’t count backwards from 10, or remember my middle name, it was the pain in my body from the impact that bothered me the most.
Over the following six months, I was having brain seizures up to 10 times a day, and my little girl became my caregiver. Sometimes paralyzed on my right side, sometimes unable to speak, I often went into oblivion inside my brain. I wasn’t much of a mother to her.
No matter what I went through, God was there even when my family wasn’t. I felt him hold me upright when the world twisted and turned. He was there when I wanted to speak but couldn’t make the right words come out of my mouth. He was in the birds singing and the water running.
I felt him everywhere.
One night, I was feeling quite blue. I watched my little girl walk out of my bedroom and all I could think is that she had become my caregiver. “How long had she done this for me? How many days and nights did I forget to say thank you for all the times she must have cried over not having a mommy who could help her, instead of the other way around?” My heart felt broken.
That’s when those 3 little words came rushing back to my mind like a gale force wind. “Jesus save me.”
For whatever reason, I was instantly angry with God. “God?” I demanded his attention, “I know you can heal me, I just don’t know why you haven’t. If this is what it’s going to be like when I wake up tomorrow morning, I don’t want to wake up.”
I felt the anger burn in my chest. All I could think of was my daughter and how much I needed to heal for her sake, not just my own. That was the last thing I remembered before falling fast asleep.
The next morning I did wake up, to the most beautiful moment of my entire life. When I opened my eyes, there was something in my room unlike anything I’d ever experienced before. To try and convey to you what happened, well…it won’t seem real. To me however, it was very real.
When I opened my eyes there was a soft glow present. I didn’t see any one or any thing, but I felt something surreal. I instantly touched my face, neck and chest to be sure I was still alive and hadn’t gone to heaven. If I had, heaven would have looked a lot like my bedroom. I wasn’t sure what death would feel like, but in that moment I felt more alive than I ever had before. I felt the deepest, most intense love, intense peace, complete unity, a one-ness like I’d never experienced. There was new life and uninhibited joy in that room.
I sat straight up. There was no pain anywhere in my body. This realization completely took my breath away. I remember like it was yesterday. I wanted to jump up and run through the house screaming, “I’m healed! I’m healed!”
Instead, I heard the words, “Be still” in my spirit.
I obeyed. I sat there looking out my bedroom window as if waiting for something or someone to come and wake me up from this dream. Then I looked out my bedroom window and realized, the sun hadn’t come up yet. “HUH?” I was baffled. “If the sun hasn’t come up yet, then where is this light coming from?”
The moment I turned my head, the light disappeared. Gone. UGH. I felt terrible. I realized I let doubt creep in and although the light was gone, the incredible feelings were still there.
So I began to thank God for everything I’d been through, big things, little things, happy things and sad things. Believe it or not, I was even somehow grateful for the deaths of my family members. Words of gratitude came pouring out of me just like those words, “Jesus save me” did. I couldn’t tell if I was saying them or if someone else was saying them for me. It was so strange, yet so real.
All I knew is that I reached a point where I slowed way down in what I had been saying. I looked to my right and saw a strange little pencil sitting on my night stand. I reached over, picked it up and said, “I’m even grateful for this weird little pencil.”
Just then a vision came into my mind. I saw myself among lots of people. I had written several books, I was speaking on different stages and I was talking to people that had been healed from all around the world. If you knew who I use to be, anyone could tell you that this was the most absurd thing ever. I was introverted, emotionally and physically wounded, and never saw myself doing any of that.
I said to God, quite sarcastically, “How is any of THAT suppose to happen?”
That’s when I heard two words return to my spirit like thunder. They said, “Trust me”
So I took a moment to contemplate what just happened. Then I simply said, “Okay!”
I was commissioned on a mission.
Since that moment in June, of 2008, I’ve written 10 books, I speak anywhere God leads me and I’ve met people from all around the globe. I’ve prayed for people, watched Jesus heal most but not all, and have led in ways I never dreamed possible.
What God did has given me a chance to help others connect more closely to him. That’s my mission and why I’m writing this today. I want to help you become completely SET FREE from anything holding you back from doing whatever it is you’re called to do.
I know how this all sounds, believe me I do. For those who’ve had an experience like this we understand that people aren’t going to get it, or always receive us well. That’s okay. What I want you to know is that I am set free from myself, therefore I am set free from what others think. My life belongs to God and that is how I live it.
My friends tease me, saying that I live in a Jesus Bubble, and I suppose its true. I want to be a disciple of Jesus, not only a believer. This is something you might find interesting.
The difference between BELIEVERS and DISCIPLES
(by Perry Stone)
Believers accept Christ as Savior
Disciples make him their Lord
Believers want insurance against hell
Disciples want the rewards of heaven
Believer serves God on their terms
A Disciple serves God on His terms
Believers see the church
Disciples see the Kingdom
Believers separate churches by races
Disciples see the family of God
Believers see church membership
Disciples see a brotherhood of blood
Believers want a good message
Disciples want a relationship
Believers will fight the enemy with sermons
Disciples will fight the enemy with God’s covenant
Believers will repeat what they hear
Disciples will say what God has given them to say
So let me encourage you to grow from the believer to the disciple. In all truthfulness, you belong to him anyhow, so why not start today. Check out my ten free tools that can help you start to become Set Free for life.
PS. If you’d like to be part of my Inner Circle, so you can be with like minded disciples of Jesus, and to move from unhealthy habits to living in freedom, take a look at this.