Domestic Violence

I wrote this article after talking to a woman who kept going back to her abusive husband over and over again.  It was apparent that she felt no sense of self worth after being raised in an abusive home, and now she was teaching her two daughters the same behaviors but she couldn’t see it.  Until parents can advance in their own personal courage, they can’t teach their children to be responsible or accountable.  They can and will perpetuate the fearful patterns of an unworthy lifestyle.

And so, I wrote the following article.

There are two kinds of people: those who want to find a solution to a problem they own, and those who want to find peace from someone else’s problem.

When you grow up in an atmosphere of domestic violence it seems very “normal” to live in an uncontrolled way. Hence, it isn’t surprising that if you came from an abusive home and have ended up in a relationship that is also abusive, that clearly you can’t see how you are responsible for how others treat you or that you are accountable for acting on it. You don’t know what you don’t know.

Most people think they understand what it means to be responsible and what it means to be accountable, when in fact, they were never taught. Abusive homes do not teach responsibility or accountability effectively because it takes a level of civility.

Responsibility is the obligation to act; accountability is the obligation to answer for that act. Until you understand what they both look like, it would be hard for you to see your choices clearly enough to stop running from the problem.

Examples of responsibility:

• A particular obligation by one who is responsible – caring for the needs of children.

• Reliability or dependability – meeting debts or payments.

• Choosing to do something based on one’s own initiative or authority – getting out of a bad situation.

Examples of accountability:

• To demonstrate or exercise the responsibility for a specific act – seeking ways to find help.

• Improving the achieved goal and being rewarded for success – finding an atmosphere that is pain free.

• An obligation to report on following through with responsibilities – getting an accountability partner who can help you stay on track with your goals.

Now that you know the difference, what is your next step? Choose this day to be responsible for a particular action. Act on it before the end of the day. After acting on it, reward yourself for being accountable on performing the action. It all starts with making one decision and doing it to the best of your ability. Repeating the choice with similar actions can, and will, change your life.