My Gratitude & Pain – There was a Reason For Both

There is a reason why gratitude and pain must run parallel in our lives.  If it didn’t we would not understand how to mature emotionally, spiritually or even physically.

In the early part of 2007, my whole world changed.  My partner left the company, my young nephew was killed in a boating accident and his mother, my little sister, died a few months later from cancer.  At the same time, my husband suffered from depression and was unable to keep the business afloat during my out of state trips to help the relatives.

Just when I thought things were about to turn around I slipped on black ice in December of that long year, and landed on my head.  This fall created an injury to my neck and brain.  For nearly three months I was lying on the floor, in bed, or in a chair having brain seizures.  When I wasn’t having seizures I experienced forms of stroke-like symptoms, neurological issues and severe dyslexia on and off.  The most frustrating part, however, was the inability to process intelligent adult conversations.

By June of 2008, my business had closed but the seizures were less frequent and less disruptive to my life and to my families life.

Although the first two and a half months disappeared from my memory, something wonderful happened six months after my fall.  One morning in June, I sat up in bed for the first time without pain and looked out my bedroom window.  I remember seeing a beautiful sunny day as I looked out my window.  I suddenly realized my eyes didn’t hurt from the light and I felt no pain in my head or anywhere in my body.

My heart was immediately filled with gratitude.  I wanted to jump up and run through the house telling everyone but I didn’t want to ruin the quiet moments of sheer elation so I forced myself to remain still.  I also noticed an inner peace that I hadn’t felt in years.  My head, it seemed, had finally connected to my heart because  I heard these two very simple but powerful words from inside me; “Trust me”.

Immediately I began to cry and thank God for all that I had, and all that He was going to do for me.  I thanked him for every little (and big) thing and for all the deep lessons I still needed to learn.

At the end of that song of gratitude I realized that I would not have changed a painful thing that happened in 2007.  I knew every bit of it was for my own maturity and powerful growth, in fact, as strange as this sounds I wouldn’t have had it any other way.  I finally understood how to cherish the joys of gratitude, after learning to release the pain, and I’ve made it my purpose in life to help others learn to do the same.

Since that day, something creative burst forth like sunshine behind a cloud. I’ve written and communicated in ways I never did before.  I can’t explain it, I just know it is very real and powerful.  I’ve heard this happen to others but it’s not easily explained.  I’m thankful, that’s all I know.

Do you have a story of a brain injury that happened to you or someone you know? Please share it here if you are willing to be open about it. I’d love to know how you survived it and what life is like for you now.

My Personal Parasite

I was asked to give a motivational talk to mentors and at the same moment when I was asked to do this a thought jumped into my head, “You have nothing to offer mentors! Just say no thank you and leave.” This is how the parasite in my brain (the enemy) really took over….but inside my heart I knew I could do it.

Have you ever received a nasty message from someone who didn’t like what you said but wanted to find someone to blame for their own internal struggles? Things like this can create doubt and become debilitating if you allow them to, hence, the brain eating parasite begins it’s penetrating work.

I was listening to Noah St. John the other night, and I don’t know what his religious views are but I found what he said fascinating. “people sabotage themselves on the subconscious level.”

I’ve done this for years as well as many people I know. I’ve learned that what I manifest in my life through faith will happen as a natural result. Just like Noah mentioned, a person who starves themselves of food becomes anorexic, people starve themselves of success and great relationships and wind up getting divorced or give up on God’s original purpose for them. It’s spiritual starvation at its worst.

We stare at the ‘condition’ of the person who is anorexic but not the reason the condition came about to begin with. To take care of the ‘reason’ would mean time, energy and tools that family members or mentors might not have to do the job. That is why we have a bigger God than any problem.

I know the reason I allowed those thoughts of discouragement without preventing it immediately. Growing up I was told many times over that I was dumb and had nothing to offer. That was not true of course, but the person who said it had those same words cut in to his own heart as a kid so he was ‘paying it forward’ in a sense.  That is also why God tells us that generation after generation the sins are passed down…hurting people hurt other people.

Family members and mentors want to be successful with those they care about, but they do not always have the tools themselves to make it happen. As Noah says, “There is a fundamental difference between how to succeed and how to let yourself succeed.” God says, He does not give me a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of sound mind. (2 Tim 1:7)

What really causes your behavior as a mentor is your ‘why’ to succeed but often it’s your ‘why not to’ succeed that you tell yourself on a subconscious level. (I’m a failure at mentoring, I shouldn’t be doing this, I’ve been working myself to death but I’m not making any difference).

Most people have parasites in their brain eating at the positive things they could believe about themselves. They naturally become discouraged because they will listen to the parasite instead of hearing the success God wants them to hear.

What do you think about this statement? “Affirmation is a statement of something we wish were true but in fact rarely believe.” If we did believe an affirmation we wouldn’t have to hear it over and over again would we? For instance, when hearing “I’d like you to speak to our mentors about how to mentor.” which is really an affirmation, my brain told me….”yah right, not me!” BUT….when I allowed my brain to search for an answer when asked the question….”are you the best person to help others learn to be good mentors?” My brain had to think about it and search for an answer…which for me, leads to conversations with God.

So if my brain has to search for an answer then I don’t need to wait for an affirmation that I don’t really believe!  God has hundreds of beautiful and wonderful things to affirm me with already, so I simply asked…”what makes me good at mentoring or speaking to a group of mentors?” Immediately I began to put cause into motion and received positive answers.

Most people ask the wrong questions ….”Why can’t I be good at mentoring? Why am I so bad at finances? Why do I have a lousy marriage?” but it’s changing the question that will make all the difference. “What makes me a good mentor? What makes me good at finances? What makes my marriage good?”

Then furthering the study, “What would make me a better mentor? What would make me better at finances? What would make my marriage better?” Then TAKE ACTION!

So here are some ideas….

1. Ask yourself what’s your purpose? 2. Have faith that what you want is already true. 3. Feel that it is already happening… we’re suppose to trust that God has already given us our request by our trusting his blessings. 4. Being grateful for everything in our lives we are empowered to take new action steps to create what we want. Read them, write them, say them, listen to them.

There is a voice in our head that talks to us and its either the parasite….OR….. the empowering voice of God speaking. I know which one I want to hear!

So in regard to how we can be reminded to draw back into living a faithful positive life, maybe these thoughts can help. Feel free to leave a comment!