Connecting to The Power of Questions and Being a Leader in Communication
Have you ever wondered how it is that some people see things as they are and ask “Why?”, while others ask, “Why not?”
Those who ask “Why” are often involved in waiting too long to make a change in their life, while those who ask “Why not” are leaders involved in action taking and making things happen for their lives through personal development.
Those who ask ‘why’ look for an answer to their pain, and when the answer isn’t sufficient they burst into the ‘I’m sick of this!’ or ‘I don’t need this anymore!’ – they give up and walk away.
The only problem with this modus operandi is that they take themselves with them wherever they go.
Leaders understand the power of connecting with great questions simply by choosing to. That’s right – it comes back to choice, and education, then taking action on what you’ve learned.
Asking a great question will provide you with answers that you can use to uplift your life and the lives of those you care about.
Strong leaders also know that asking a poor question will provide answers that delivers poor results, and sadness, over and over again until you are permanently stuck.
So what is a great question?
First lets talk about the 3 Things That Questions Will Do For You
1. Questions immediately change what you are focusing on
2. Questions helps you know what to delete
3. They provide new alternatives you have not thought of before.
Great questions need to be clear, precise, succinct, and structured in a way that make them easy to understand.
Here are a few examples of great questions that assist in developing positive, nurturing thoughts:
How much fun can we have today during our celebration at work?
If tomorrow never comes will she know how much I love her?
What can I do for you today that will help you feel valued?
What will help me create excellent client relationships?
How can we bring joy back into our kids lives?
What do I love and appreciate about my spouse, co-workers, neighbors or friends?
What step do I need to take to bring my business to the next level?
Here are examples of negative questions that bring intellect, and the spirit of a person, down:
Why do you always do this to me?
Why don’t you appreciate me?
Why do you get on my case all the time?
Who do you think you are?
Where have you been all this time?
Why isn’t our business taking off?
Can’t you see it’s your unsupportive attitude that created the mess we’re in?
Where is the deposit you were suppose to make but didn’t?
Do you hear the contempt, blame, insecurities and destruction in these types of questions?
Never be tempted to misuse your power in any relationship. It is crucial to living in a civilized society whether that be your home, work or social life.
Communication is power.
It can increase one’s life or destroy it in an instant. The tongue has been called a double edged sword for that very reason.
Communication is an opportunity.
In order for you to emotionally connect with those in your inner, and outer circles, it’s imperative to remember how much power you have while communicating so you can become someone who attracts more opportunities.
Communication will bring out the leader in you.
This takes time and practice. If you are wanting to grow in your communication abilities to improve your life then keep learning and remember that connecting emotionally is key to your success. Years ago I made it a goal to only learn from companies that know how to emotionally connect in BUSINESS. The link I just added there will bring you to the page you can find them all for your own reference.
Emotionally connecting is all about being loving. We appreciate you, and all the love you consistently give around here, so we know if you found this post of value you’ll retweet it using the buttons above near the title, or you’ll leave a comment below to share. HERE IS MY QUESTION OF THE DAY: What has been your very BEST lesson in communication, whether in your business or your personal life? Please share it in the comment box below. Thank you!!
Remember too that we have free TELE-SEMINARS all about emotionally connecting and communication right here if you want to be on our next call. –>>CONNECT
| Kellie Frazier is a Wife and Mother, a Radio Show Host on Motivational Radio, an Author and Speaker of Vision~Power~Action, and a Tele-Seminarian with a passion to make a difference in the lives of others. She teaches visionaries how to connect to their dreams, find inner strength in God, and motivate themselves toward action. If you would like to get her Connecting Secrets Package plus her 5-day Interview Series of "Leaders who Know How to Connect" delivered to your email inbox for FREE, simply fill in your name and email address in the boxes to the right --> |
Connecting to Your Focus Creates Internal Leadership
Where do you focus your attention? Is it on prosperity, good health, love and abundance or is it on ‘not enough’ – as in not enough time, not enough money, not enough energy, food, health etc?
Do you often worry? Have anxiety that keeps your knees bouncing while sitting or twirling your hair and biting your fingernails?
I’m going to share a story with you that is very personal to me.
This past month was a bit frightening as we watched our teenage daughter develop a strange and debilitating illness. Over the years we took her to the doctors because her neck would swell up like a football player for no reason, intense black and blue marks would appear on her body that hurt her, and stomach pain with gagging reflexes at least once a month.
These symptoms were strange to us and each time we were told that it was due to stress so she was given little green pills and sent home to recover. The odd part for us is that we saw her as a genuinely happy, open and laid back kid, so we didn’t see her as the doctors described.
She was scheduled to go to a training camp in Virginia for one week with the staff of her new summer employment, and she couldn’t wait. The first morning there she went for an early morning run with the other staff members and sat down upon her return. She described that moment as feeling such intense pain in her abdomen that she nearly passed out. When she tried to eat (this girl loves food) she would gag or vomit. She said it felt as if there were shards of glass coming from her intestines up to her esophagus so she chose to stop eating for a while until whatever this was went away. We had no idea the severity of what she was experiencing, nor did anyone at the camp.
By the time she got home several days later, she was very pale, had lost a significant amount of weight in her face and was in constant pain.
We found another doctor and insisted they run a series of tests including an x-ray of her abdomen. Tests revealed a thickened mass attached to her breastbone so we ordered a CT scan. Our daughter knows I’ve lost many family members to cancer so immediately she began to think the worst, and I hate to admit it, but so did we.
Ten days after this illness began it ended. I wanted to share the ‘how’ with you because at any time any one can end up with a similar focus, and if you do, I want to help you know what to do.
She had lost over 6 pounds, had no energy and was still not eating. A friend of mine, Kevin Rath, connected with me and reminded me that we had been focusing more on the “dis”-“ease” rather than on her optimum health. He was completely right!
He reminded me that joy of any kind is like good medicine to the spirit so we focused on laughter, we focused on the victory we have over illness all throughout the following days. We chose to speak only of health and healing and not of the illness. We gave her vitamins in liquid form and we remained grateful for every drop that stayed in her system. We sang, we prayed and we remained hopeful.
We still don’t know what actually happened to cause this intense pain, and the docs are still stumped, but 2 days later she was completely back to normal. The CT scan was clean, and just last night she said, “Mom, I feel better than normal. I haven’t felt this good in months.”
She also realized that her fear (and ours because she could see and hear it in us) caused much of her subconscious poor health. It was amazing watching her connect to internal leadership abilities and take charge of her life again.
A simple shift in all of our focus manifested health and healing. What would have happened if we had not shifted our focus? We believe we would have eventually manifested the demise of our daughter. Was it a miracle? We choose to see it that way and are grateful to our very core to see her healed.
Some will say that this is hogwash
Some will say that thinking about what you don’t have in life is simply being ‘realistic’. But I say, if your focus were different you would see the world in a whole new way. Not “might see” but “would see”.
The subconscious cannot distinguish the difference between imagination and reality. The front of your brain reasons everything out, while the subconscious mind is obedient to the act of whatever it is you are thinking about.
For instance, if you are watching violence on TV, then your subconscious mind doesn’t know the difference between you doing the violent acts or not. This may explain why nightmares occur after watching a horror flick. The same holds true for sexual content you might view. The subconscious mind doesn’t distinguish if it’s you in the sexual act or someone else, hence the physical or sexual changes occur.
So if this is the first time you are hearing this information, and are discounting what I’m saying, then feel free to dispute it. I doubted it at first too so I get where you are coming from.
The reason I’m telling you this is so you can decide what kind of “reality” you want in your mind. What do you want to connect to in your life? This work I do – is the kind where I get to help people create internal leadership skills – and the miracles I get to witness are …. well, there are no words to describe it really but I needed to find it for my own life first. The story is here if you are interested.
What if everyone you met exampled this…
“…whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy – meditate on these things.” Ph 4:8
Would you consider this a clear description of what we could choose to connect our focus on? Imagine developing a character that is noble, just, pure and true?
Lets look at a few more examples:
When we’re focused on the negatives and the ‘not enough’s’ in life we relinquish our ability to handle situations. When emotions go up – intelligence goes down.
NEGATIVES
No one understands me.
I’m living proof of Murphy’s Law.
I’m never going to do this right.
That’s just my luck.
I have to accept my limitations.
I can’t afford this.
It’s never going to work out.
Nothing good ever happens to me.
POSITIVES
I am accepted and loved.
I expect the best, and it shows!
I am making so much progress!
God has great plans for me!
I am unstoppable!
I’ll figure out how to earn it
I ask, and I receive
I take deliberate steps to achieve my goal
By consistently directing your thoughts towards greater opportunities in your life, you will learn to practice gratitude for what you already have; money, health, family, house, food, etc. This doesn’t mean that if you merely think positive life will be a piece of cake. This means it will take consistent work on your part to bring your focus into a place that brings you internal joy. In doing so, you can train your subconscious to understand that you are already living in hope and abundance.
I recall another story of an elderly man who mentored a very angry young boy. He invited the boy to go up a mountain trail saying that when they got to their destination (not saying where that was specifically) they would find what they were looking for.
The hike took over the three hours but on the way up, the boy was saying how beautiful the views were, how pretty the day was, how good the sun felt on his back, how marvelous the skies looked, and how amazing the wild animals were. After the third hour of climbing, the man turned to the boy and said, “Okay we’re here.”
The boy looked around for a few moments, realizing they weren’t at the top yet. Expecting to see a much greater scenery or landscape, he looked around but saw nothing special in this spot.
The boy scowled and asked, “What were we suppose to find here? Did we climb all this way for nothing?!”
The old man smiled and softly replied, “When you expected to see something at the end of your journey, you felt disappointed because you couldn’t find it. While you were on the journey you saw things you couldn’t see before and yet you seemed to be very happy all along the trail. You see, all along the path of gratitude is where you will find your true happiness. It’s rarely at the end of any one’s journey.”
What you focus on expands.
So you want more love? Practice blessing and loving other people. If you want to be wealthy, then focus on the journey the wealthy person traveled to get there – but remember that wealth isn’t just in the value of money. If you want healthier, happier, relationships then journey close to those that are sincerely filled with deep gratitude, not perfection.
There is one sure thing this world offers and that is that life will always be perfectly imperfect. I’m okay with that. How about you?
Hopefully you’ve found something new and relevant to your life in this post and if so, perhaps you would be interested in removing some of the limiting beliefs you have held in your life? I have a book you may be interested in if so HERE.
I do hope you share it by re-tweeting it or posting it to your facebook friends!
Abundant Blessings+
Kellie
| Kellie Frazier is a Wife and Mother, a Radio Show Host on Motivational Radio, an Author and Speaker of Vision~Power~Action, and a Tele-Seminarian with a passion to make a difference in the lives of others. She teaches visionaries how to connect to their dreams, find inner strength in God, and motivate themselves toward action. If you would like to get her Connecting Secrets Package plus her 5-day Interview Series of "Leaders who Know How to Connect" delivered to your email inbox for FREE, simply fill in your name and email address in the boxes to the right --> |
Can anything good come from change?
Do you tell yourself you aren’t good with change? Do you, in fact, despise change? You might be surprised to find that some good can come out of what you’re going through.
Learning to stop paddling your boat against the current is a start.
Author Ariane De Bonvoisin said something in an interview recently that really resonated with me. She wrote a book called, The First 30 Days, Your Guide to Any Change. Much like what I had done, primarily in America, she did her research by casually interviewing over 1000 people while traveling the world. She speaks about her important discovery of how people in general handled change.
Ariane found that no matter where people are geographically we all deal with good change and bad but we don’t always acknowledge it as such. We graduate, we move, we have children, we get fired, we lose a home, and you can either embrace it or fight against it. Individuals who successfully handle change do so through positive beliefs as they move through life. We’re not talking about positive thinking in and of itself. The ‘I CAN’ people understand the reality of just how tough things might get, but they remain very positive about getting through whatever the change is because they know that something good will come out of it in the end. Consider this:
Any emotion you resist will rule your life like an unspoken law.
In order to move gracefully through change of any kind, you have to first accept it. Do not interpret that as being a door mat. If you focus on a belief that you can’t, then that is precisely whats holding you back from an opportunity to grow. Your brain is producing the feelings of fear, doubt, confusion, and a host of other emotions. Hogwash you say?
Fear paralyzes people throughout their life unless they can move beyond it. Doubt will keep you from moving forward because you have no true conviction that things will work out. Impatience, you can’t trust and therefore, will likely give up on something because its not done on your time schedule. Guilt produces feelings of low self worth. Blame, most often induced by parents or spouse, but in casting blame it will further delay emotional maturity. Shame, how others will look at you is of great concern if a change is made.
You will decide if you live in a friendly universe or an unfriendly universe. Whichever way you decide, it will impact you to your core and you will live out the messages you believe to be true. You will use terms such as “This always happens to me.” “Nothing good can come out of this.” “Why can’t I be lucky like that?”
Deciding to be an optimist will impact the way you move through change, and through life. How people cope is very personal for everyone; some people pray, some journal or exercise, some create a resume’ of all the good that came out of their life changing experiences. Whatever method works for you, do it.
I use to wear an elastic band around my wrist when I struggled with negative thoughts. Even when no one was around, if I had a negative thought in my head, or if I allowed one to come out of my mouth, I’d snap the elastic band hard enough to leave a mark. No, I’m not in to pain, but I had to realize that every negative thought I had about a particular situation, or person, caused a feeling inside me that would steal my productivity and growth.
When you begin recognizing the negative emotions, you will begin to ask yourself, “What am I thinking that is creating this negative feeling?” You’ll get better and better at it each time if you allow yourself to recognize it, but quickly re-focus your attention to the positive.
Cognitive therapists can teach you the same thing at a much more expensive rate. If you can’t do this alone, get that elastic around your wrist, or better yet, is there someone that you can be accountable to? A spouse, a parent, a friend? Let them know what you’re trying to do, chances are, it can make them think about their own power to create positive changes. You will have engaged a good habit in your circle of influence by doing so.
Will you fall off course now and then? You might, but so does everyone else. Whatever changes you are faced with making, if you’ve done all you can and you have no other choice but to accept it, handle it with grace. Accepting change, letting go of total control, and being at peace is a much easier way to live.
Celebrate the small victories! The more you can celebrate small victories, the easier it becomes. Set up weekly meetings with your accountability person(s) and go over the choices you made to move forward, to save money, to talk to the lawyer, to move out of your home, to hug your children every night before they go to sleep. No matter what it is, celebrate the fact that you did it!
