Education has always been important to me.  I had wanted to home school my kids for years but since we had come to depend on my paycheck for the mortgage, the option to teach them myself was not a possibility.  I can’t explain why this desire was so strong, it just was.

Once our youngest reached high school age I decided to let go of my desire to home school.   Wouldn’t you know it, before her 8th grade year ended she came to me and said, “Mom, I feel distracted at school and would like to try homeschooling next year.”

My jaw hit the floor and my mind began to race wildly with one thought;  “It wasn’t my plan to home school through the high school years, no way, that’s not possible!” Even though my mind was shouting ‘no’ I could still feel my heart saying ‘yes’.   I reasoned with her that distractions are everywhere and that she would need to work on self control to stay focused and motivated, but I wondered if it was a concept she even cared to grasp.

After discussing it with my husband, doing careful research of schools, solidifying networking groups for the social aspect, we agreed that she could begin her ninth grade at home.   Since I was building my own company I didn’t have the resources, or time, to delegate my work so we chose on line courses from an accredited school in Florida.

Everything seemed to be going pretty well until I became extremely busy and she was left working independently for several weeks.   Like most kids, she didn’t feel any accountability, therefore, she allowed herself to became engrossed in facebook and spent most of her school time there instead of on her work.

One afternoon I looked into her grades and noticed she had fallen way behind.  I spoke to her about it calmly, then set into motion a plan for her to get herself back on track.   (Notice who set the plan in motion.)  She assured me she would work hard to pull her grades back up but as time went by, nothing changed.

I found myself in turmoil over her negative situation that was obviously getting worse not better. “What’s happening to her?” I thought. “What are our options to help her survive this?”  I sat on the edge of my bed and asked for wisdom.  The most ridiculous reply came immediately to my heart. “Do Nothing.”

What?!  It is not my nature to do ‘nothing’. It was my ‘job’ as her parent to do ‘something’ I internally argued.  I felt like grounding her, scolding her, even doing her work for her just to get her back on track again.  My own pride was feeling hurt because I was failing as a parent.  God was saying “let go” but again I was saying ‘no way’.

“How can I possibly let her fail the 9th grade when she’s capable of a 4.0? This is absurd! No parent would do that, besides it would devastate her!” Again I heard, “Do nothing.” I felt completely aghast, but I also realized that somewhere in my heart this was as much about me as it was about her.  I knew letting go was the right answer.  So I literally forced myself to do absolutely nothing for days, weeks and eventually months.

Every time I walked by her desk and saw her on facebook, I said nothing and kept on walking.  I can’t tell you the number of times I wanted to duct tape my hands and mouth shut.  I recall saying, “Aghhhhh….this is going to either kill me or teach us both a very good lesson someday!”

Five entire months of school went by and I did nothing, and I wasn’t alone, she did nothing as well.

By the end of June, she had completed only 36% of her 9th grade year.  So it finally came time to tell her where things stood. We sat together on the couch and I put my arm around her while she cried. I told her she had only two choices.

Choice A) To repeat the 9th grade, or Choice B)  To do summer school for 12 hours a day to make up for the 5 months of playing around.

She didn’t want to make the choice, and of course wanted another choice from which to choose that would bail her out of her mess, and who could blame her really.  That was exactly what I had been teaching her how to do year after year without even realizing it.   It was time for both of us to face the music of complete accountability, so I let it be her call.

She chose the summer school plan and often worked 12 hour days to get her work done.  I’ve never seen anyone more motivated than she was that summer.  There were times when I kissed her goodnight and went to bed while she stayed up until 2 am to finish essays.  My heart broke for her over and over but still I chose let go, something I should have done long before the 9th grade.

When the summer came to a close, she had passed the 9th grade with mediocre grades, but the lessons she learned will remain with her for the rest of life.  Here are just a few of those lessons:

• she realized she could do anything she put her mind to
• she maintained a 4.0 the following year
• found her personal motivation toward a solid career path in photography
• learned laser focusing on what’s priority
• shadowed a prominent company to learn more about her major in photography
• was contacted by the one of the top photography colleges in the US
• went to Central America at 15 to inspire orphans to dream and to achieve goals

Letting go is not easy, but it is more about your own ego than anything else.  If you made it through this whole story, then you’ll know that when I got out of my own way, and my daughter’s way, we both learned to thrive not just survive.

No matter what you are trying to let go of, realize you can’t change another person no matter how tight you may want to hold on for that change, only the person’s willingness to change can bring results.  It’s time to let go and do nothing but allow the natural flow of life to take place.  You can still be there for support when it all hits the fan but hopefully you will love more deeply from a position of support and assist, than control.

Do you have a story to share or a question about letting go?  Please comment and share!